Disrespect & Dealing With Emotional Triggers – Live Coaching artwork
GoodGuys2GreatMen Podcast

Disrespect & Dealing With Emotional Triggers – Live Coaching

25 April 2022 GoodGuys2GreatMen Podcast Dan Dore & Steve Horsmon
00:00 19m 55s
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Episode summary: When your wife criticizes you, rejects you, or seems to complain about everything you do, it can hit something deep. You may tell yourself you’re angry because she’s being disrespectful. But underneath that anger, there’s often hurt, fear, and the old familiar feeling that nothing you do is good enough. This live coaching episode is about what happens when a man gets emotionally triggered by disrespect, rejection, criticism, and complaint. Not in theory. In the real messy place where you want to stay calm, but your body is already reacting. The work is not to become a doormat. It’s not to tolerate cruelty or pretend her words don’t matter. It’s learning how to stop letting every sharp comment decide who you become in the next ten seconds. A confident man can hear hard things without collapsing, attacking, or disappearing. He can respond with honesty and strength because he’s no longer handing his self-respect over to someone else’s mood.

Disrespect can light a man up fast.

Your wife says something sharp. She criticizes the way you did something. She complains again. She rejects your offer, your touch, your idea, or your attempt to make things better. And suddenly you’re not just dealing with this moment anymore.

You’re dealing with every old feeling of not being appreciated, not being respected, not being wanted, and not being good enough.

That’s why these moments get so big.

On the surface, it may look like you’re reacting to her tone. But underneath, your system is often reacting to what her tone seems to mean. “She doesn’t respect me.” “She’s never happy.” “I can’t win.” “She doesn’t see how hard I’m trying.” “Maybe I’m failing as a husband.”

Once that story takes over, it’s hard to stay grounded.

Some men fight back. They defend, argue, explain, correct, or try to prove they’re not the bad guy. Other men go quiet. They shut down, withdraw, and carry resentment into the next day, the next week, or the next cold night in bed.

Neither response creates respect.

This is where the live coaching matters. The point isn’t to sit around talking about disrespect like it’s just a communication issue. The point is to see what happens inside a man when he feels rejected or criticized, and to help him find a steadier place to stand before he reacts.

Because if your confidence depends on your wife speaking kindly, approving of you, desiring you, or being easy to live with, you’re going to feel powerless a lot of the time.

That doesn’t mean her behavior doesn’t matter. Of course it matters. You’re allowed to want respect. You’re allowed to want warmth. You’re allowed to say no to being spoken to in a way that feels ugly or contemptuous.

But you’ll handle it very differently when you’re not trying to get your self-worth back from her.

A grounded man can say, “I don’t want to talk to you like this, and I don’t want to be talked to like this,” without turning it into a war. He can stay present without begging. He can hold a boundary without punishing. He can feel hurt without making his hurt the boss of the room.

That’s the kind of emotional strength many men were never taught. And it usually gets built with other men around you. Men who can tell you the truth, remind you who you are, and help you see where your fear is running the show.

When you stop being controlled by the trigger, you become much harder to disrespect in the first place. Not because you intimidate anyone. Because you respect yourself enough not to abandon yourself when the conversation gets hard.

Ready to stop getting pulled apart by criticism and rejection?

If your wife’s words, moods, or rejection can knock you off your feet, you don’t have to keep handling that alone. This is the kind of honest work we help men with at Goodguys2Greatmen. Not blaming her. Not pretending it doesn’t hurt. Just becoming steadier, clearer, and more confident in the moments that used to control you.

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About the Hosts

Steve Horsmon & Dan Dore | Certified Professional Men’s Coaches

Steve Horsmon and Dan Dore have spent over a decade supporting good men who are confused, frustrated, and afraid that their marriages and families are falling apart with no idea what to do about it. We've both experienced the same emotions that you're going through now. We know what it feels like to try all the mainstream try harder, be nicer advice while watching things continue to get worse. And that's exactly why Goodguys2Greatmen exists. Since 2012, we've coached thousands of men through some of the hardest periods of their lives; marriage breakdown, emotional distance, sexless relationships, fears of divorce or separation. We focus on practical solutions to help you survive some of the most challenging and painful experiences that a man can go through. This podcast is for men who are done waiting for their life and relationships to improve and are ready to make some bold decisions so that you become more calm and confident and start moving toward what you really want.