GoodGuys2GreatMen Video Podcast

How To Be Consistently Confident And Masculine

Dan Dore & Steve Horsmon • 3m 23s • 7 March 2024

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How To Be Consistently Confident And Masculine
Video overview: If you don’t feel loved, wanted, cared for, or confident in your marriage right now, it can make the future feel terrifying. This video speaks to the trait a happier, more masculine man must build so he can stop being ruled by fear and start leading himself with more strength, clarity, and trust.

There are seasons in a man’s life when confidence feels like it has disappeared.

You may still be working. Still providing. Still showing up. Still doing the things everyone expects you to do.

But inside, you don’t feel solid.

You don’t feel loved. You don’t feel desired. You don’t feel cared for in the way you wish you did. You may feel like your marriage is changing faster than you can understand, and you’re constantly trying to figure out what’s going to happen next.

That’s a hard place to live.

A man can handle a lot when he feels grounded. He can handle pressure at work. He can handle responsibility. He can handle problems, bills, kids, aging parents, stress, and difficult decisions.

But when the woman he loves feels distant, cold, uncertain, or uninterested, that can shake something much deeper.

It can make him question himself.

Am I still attractive?

Am I still enough?

Is this marriage going to make it?

What happens if she never comes back toward me?

What happens if I can’t fix this?

Those questions can become a prison if you don’t know how to lead yourself through them.

And that’s what this video is really about.

A consistently confident man is not a man who never feels fear. That’s not real life. I don’t know any strong man who has never felt worried, hurt, rejected, confused, or unsure.

The difference is that a confident man does not let fear become the boss of him.

He does not hand his future to every anxious thought that comes through his mind. He does not build his whole identity around what his wife did or didn’t do today. He does not let one difficult season convince him that he has no power, no direction, and no value.

One of the key traits of a happier, more masculine man is trust.

Not blind trust that everything will magically work out.

Not pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

Not sitting back passively and hoping life gets easier.

I’m talking about a deeper kind of trust in yourself.

The trust that says, “Whatever happens next, I will be able to meet it.”

That is a very different way to live.

Most men who are struggling in marriage are not just afraid of what their wife is doing. They are afraid of who they will become if things don’t go the way they want.

They’re afraid they’ll fall apart.

They’re afraid they’ll be alone.

They’re afraid they’ll be exposed as not good enough.

They’re afraid they won’t know what to do if she stays distant, asks for space, stops wanting sex, or says she’s not sure she loves him anymore.

So they start living from fear.

They overthink. They overtalk. They watch her mood. They chase reassurance. They ask questions they don’t really want the answer to. They try to fix the future before it has even arrived.

And the more they do that, the less confident they feel.

Fear makes a man smaller.

Trust makes him steadier.

When you trust yourself, you stop needing constant proof that everything will be okay. You stop making your wife’s mood the weather system for your entire life. You stop treating every moment of distance like a sign that disaster is coming.

You begin to breathe again.

You begin to ask better questions.

Who do I want to be in this moment?

What do I stand for?

What is mine to lead?

What can I create today instead of obsessing about tomorrow?

Those questions bring a man back to his feet.

That doesn’t mean you stop caring about your marriage. It doesn’t mean you stop wanting love, affection, intimacy, sex, warmth, and partnership. Of course you want those things.

You’re human.

But you stop making your wife responsible for your confidence.

That is the inside game.

Most men are good at the outside game. They can build a career, manage money, handle pressure, take care of others, and keep life moving.

But when their inner world gets shaky, they don’t know what to do.

Nobody taught them how to manage fear. Nobody taught them how to think clearly when love feels uncertain. Nobody taught them how to stay masculine, open, warm, and strong when they don’t know what’s coming next.

So they either collapse, chase, defend, withdraw, or pretend they don’t care.

None of that creates the man you want to be.

This video is a reminder that your confidence is not something your wife gives you when she finally acts the way you want. It is something you build by the way you lead yourself every day.

Especially when things are hard.

Especially when you feel unsure.

Especially when the future feels foggy.

A masculine man does not need to know every outcome before he takes his next strong step. He learns to trust himself enough to move, speak, choose, listen, and lead even when the situation is uncomfortable.

That’s what helps him stop living in fear of what might happen next.

And when a man lives that way, he feels different.

His wife feels it too.

He becomes less reactive. Less needy. Less panicked. Less dependent on her to make him okay. He becomes calmer, clearer, and easier to trust.

That may not fix everything overnight.

But it changes the energy in the relationship immediately.

Brother, you may be in a difficult period right now. You may not feel desired. You may not feel certain. You may not feel like the man you used to be.

But that does not mean your confidence is gone.

It means it’s time to build it in a stronger place.

Not in her approval.

Not in her affection.

Not in a guaranteed future.

In you.

Build confidence you can stand on

If your marriage feels uncertain and you’re tired of worrying about what happens next, we can help you get steady again. You don’t have to wait for your wife to change before you become clearer, calmer, and more confident in yourself.

Talk to a coach →

About the Hosts

Steve Horsmon & Dan Dore | Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon and Dan Dore have spent over a decade supporting good men who are confused, frustrated, and afraid that their marriages and families are falling apart with no idea what to do about it. We've both experienced the same emotions that you're going through now. We know what it feels like to try all the mainstream try harder, be nicer advice while watching things continue to get worse. And that's exactly why Goodguys2Greatmen exists. Since 2012, we've coached thousands of men through some of the hardest periods of their lives; marriage breakdown, emotional distance, sexless relationships, fears of divorce or separation. We focus on practical solutions to help you survive some of the most challenging and painful experiences that a man can go through. This podcast is for men who are done waiting for their life and relationships to improve and are ready to make some bold decisions so that you become more calm and confident and start moving toward what you really want.