separation | Good Guys 2 Great Men

Should I Still Fight to Save My Marriage?

Today’s article is focused on a question that we get asked all the time: We’re heading toward divorce, so at this stage, do I still fight to try and save the marriage? It’s been said there are no atheists in foxholes. This implies that under extremely stressful conditions, everyone starts looking to a higher power for help or guidance. Not everyone. When my marriage was turning horribly painful and stressful, I sure wasn’t looking toward religion or any type of spiritual connection for help. I was too busy trying to fix things. I didn’t need any stinkin’ “spiritual help”. I was using my intellect to analyze and understand things. I … Continue reading →

My Wife Just Said She’s Not Happy in Our Marriage – Help!

The #1 affliction most men have at the very start of marriage trouble is…. Anxiety (noun: A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.) Does that sound about right? Almost overnight we can go from “happy go lucky” to “holy crap my life is falling apart!” And because we’re “fixers”, we immediately look for something to fix it. But the problem is we always begin the search outside of our own head. And that’s the LAST place most people want to look. I won’t pretend to be an expert on anxiety and it’s cousin – depression. There are about 3,102 … Continue reading →

Why is My Wife so Cold and Distant?

I’ll just say it and get it over with. Women can be a lot like horses. It sounds innocent enough but I’ve gotten a lot of crap over comparing women to animals. It’s a metaphor, for Pete’s sake. (actually it’s a simile for you grammar freaks) A woman once told me, “You guys are like dogs. A kind word, a good meal and rub on the belly every now and then and you’re good to go. Simple bastards!” Hell yes, sister! Now you’ve got it. Most of us can go without food or water for week with just one “You’re such a good boy!” show of appreciation. So, I don’t … Continue reading →

Is Your Marriage Stuck in Limbo Land?

We run regular live coaching sessions with guys like you to just gather the men, answer questions and give each other some brotherly support. I ask that guys send questions in advance so Dan Dore and I can have some topics ready to address. The big topic last week was about “Limbo Land”. It’s that time in a man’s marriage where he feels shaky, nervous and totally uncertain about where the relationship is going or if it will even survive. He feels in “limbo”…permanently. The question was, “Can you give more insight into what limbo land is, why it happens and what I can do about it?” I decided to … Continue reading →

Wife Wants a Divorce? How to Stop the Crushing Fear and Loneliness

This week I decided to fly right toward Hurricane Florence and you’ll never guess what happened. I almost didn’t leave Colorado. The forecasts were dim. Negative Nellie’s told me to cancel my trip. “You might get stuck on the east coast for days!”, they said. So what did I do? I drove 2 hours to Denver International Airport and jumped on a plane flying straight for Hurricane Florence. Well, actually, it was to Baltimore…but close enough. I decided to assume the best and accept the worst. But the the worst never happened. It usually never does. Read that again. The worst things we imagine almost never come true. And as … Continue reading →

My Wife Just Said She Wants A Divorce, What Now?

Death by Female. That’s the tongue-in-cheek phrase I’ve adopted to describe the type of man who tends to read my newsletters. Somehow, some way, somewhere along the way you’ve been made aware that things aren’t right. She’s not happy. She’s doesn’t talk to you or look at you like before. Her cold, dismissive and often disrespectful attitude toward you feels like a daily dagger in the gut. The new friends, new tattoo, new smoking habit, new social calendar and missing wedding rings are just a few of the clues jacking with your confidence. Then she utters, I think we need time apart. I need space. Maybe we’re not right for … Continue reading →

How To Know Whether to Fix Your Marriage or Leave it

Over a beer the other day a frustrated man asked me, “How can anyone know if the grass is going to be any greener on the other side?!” He said, “I mean, really, I see just as many guys leaving marriages and being miserable as I see guys staying and being miserable. How do you decide?” I told him, “It depends on whether you go to the other side as fertilizer or dog pee.” That’s when I think I might have pissed him off. *************** Fertilizer or dog pee? WTF does that mean? I explained to him that I’ve seen men leave a marriage in a pissy, angry, resentful and … Continue reading →

How We Help You to Save Your Marriage

When men first reach out for help they are almost always feeling immense fear and pain…and they want to FIX that fear and pain right now! All of the sudden your reality has changed and you don’t like it. You thought that the story was going to go one way and now it has made a terrible turn. She wants space. She wants freedom. She wants to feel connection. She wants to feel alive. She wants to find herself. She wants to escape some vaguely defined prison of anxiety and pressure. And apparently it’s all your fault. This is when a man will want to talk with me about FIXING … Continue reading →

Are You Headed for Divorce? Do You Recognize These Symptoms?

man stressed out with wife and struggling relationship

John Gottman’s research states that this relationship behavior is the #1 predictor of divorce. I’m taking his research and translating it into easy-to-understand language with easy to implement actions for you. John uses the term “The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” which are FOUR BEHAVIORS that he says predict divorce with about 90% accuracy. So if these things show up consistently in your relationship, you can bet things won’t be going your way in the future. The four behaviors are: Criticism Defensiveness Stonewalling Contempt I break down each behavior this way: a. What is it? b. What it is not. c. What is looks like or sounds like d. … Continue reading →

Handle the Silent Treatment in a Way That Builds Trust and Connection

Why doesn’t anyone want to talk about this subtle, sneaky cause of divorce? Because they are STONEWALLING! This is the 3rd predictor of divorce and one of the hardest to fix. Why?? Because we’re too busy playing games with stonewalling, sometimes referred to as “The Silent Treatment.” This newsletter and video are a continuation of my 4-part series relating to marriage research by a guy named John Gottman. He bases everything on detailed data he has on what makes marriages last…or crash and burn. I’m taking his research and translating it into easy-to-understand language with easy to implement actions for you. John uses the term “The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” … Continue reading →