How Do I Make My Wife Fun Again?
I’m a man who leads using my standards I have for myself. Standards like staying in the moment and not comparing the past. I’ve found these standards are a way to make my wife fun again!
Have you ever asked yourself these questions…?
What the hell is going on?
Why am I feeling this tension between us?
What happened to the way we used to be?
Why can’t we just relax around each other?
I know it well. That was me too a few years back.
And along with those questions you may be seeing more signs too…
Kisses on the cheek instead of the lips
Lifeless, unenthusiastic hugs
Backs turned toward each other in bed every night
Recoiling at the slightest affectionate touch
Just writing those things takes me right back to the feelings of confusion and fear about what it all means…for you, for your relationship, for your family, for the future you had planned together.
It’s ALL you can think about.
But there’s a different path you can take.
Where you learn how much you’re influencing those reactions.
Where you learn how the way you’re THINKING about her and the relationship has a huge impact on what’s happening between you.
Where you choose to become a different man.
A man who KNOWS how to create the kind of relationship that fosters the kind of reactions you want to receive.
I talk more about it in the video below:
Other articles you may find helpful:
The Kind Of Confidence That Your Wife Is Attracted ToHow To Be Less Affected By What Your Wife Says Or Does
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The Secret to More Fun in Your Marriage
When I Enjoy What’s Happening Right Now I Can Make My Wife Fun Again!
“What can you say to the sky? Nothing…simply enjoy the vastness and magnanimity. What can you say to the ocean? Nothing….just enjoy the waves.” ~ Aditya Ajmera
I love that quote because it speaks to something inherent in being a confident man.
We coach men to be confident in creating the kind of life and relationship experiences that they really want.
Only someone who is confident he will experience more of the beauty in front of him can stop trying to capture it in words or in pictures.
And then he gets to REALLY experience it.
The truth is that there is awe in every moment.
There is something to be experienced in every moment.
And when you decide to do this work – the work of becoming an unshakably confident man – you get to choose how you experience each moment.
It’s an incredibly liberating and powerful feeling.
To no longer be worrying about controlling what might go wrong.
To no longer be comparing to what used to be.
To take back control of your future and clearly, calmly know that you’re on a path to creating what you want. Step by deliberate step.
Can you enjoy just a moment exactly how it is?
Or must you instantly spoil it by wanting more of it or needing it to be different?
Do you spend your time wanting something to be a certain way for you to be able to enjoy it, or can you find enjoyment in what is in front of you right now?
This is the path to a successful, connected, passionate marriage.
It’s the path to a connected, passionate, successful life too.
To not know.
To not need to know.
To trust in who you know you are enough to just be yourself and know that by choosing to live to your standards and values every moment of every day, you will have a life that meets those standards.
When I Don’t Focus On Bygone Experiences My Wife Can Feel Fun Again!
We’ve all had some experiences in our life called “peak experiences” – maybe when meeting someone for the first time and having that rush of connection and attraction, or an intense sexual experience where you both seem to be so connected and in sync that you make each other orgasm more times than ever before and everything feels so natural.
The problems start when we try to hold onto those experiences.
When we try to make it happen again and again.
Suddenly it’s lost all it’s magic.
Now it’s become something that traps you and stops you from experiencing more of that same kind of enjoyment.
Joy: (noun) a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
When we try to hold onto or re-create one of those joyful moments, it’s like we’re actually holding onto the fear that it might never happen again.
And that makes the chance of creating another similar moment so much less likely.
In our coaching we take men through an intense program to learn how to let go of the fear that’s holding you back and start trusting in yourself again. It’s a process of rediscovering your enthusiasm for life and it radically changes the way you relate to and challenge others to meet you in a new exciting future that you’re on a path to creating.
Just as an airplane needs wind for it to fly you need standards that you live by if you want to make your wife fun again. She needs to feel you’re not comparing her to something from the past and feeling frustrated by that.
Some ways for you to learn how to live less in comparison and frustration and more in the moment are:
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Steve and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls Three times per month. The support and camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
The How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb course is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, own your power, know what you want and know how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you.
Q: Why does my wife feel so tense, distant, or uninterested lately?
A: Because she can feel the pressure you’re carrying. When you’re confused, comparing the past, or worried about what everything means, she feels that tension in your energy. Women respond to presence. When you stay in the moment and stop trying to “fix” the past, she starts relaxing again.
Q: How do I make my wife fun again without forcing anything?
A: You shift the energy by shifting your standards. Live in the moment, enjoy what’s happening now, and stop trying to recreate “how it used to be.” A man who enjoys the present invites a woman into it. She becomes fun again when she feels safe, unpressured, and free to be herself.
Q: Why did our chemistry disappear even though we’re still together?
A: Chemistry dies when familiarity and fear take over. When you cling to old peak experiences or compare everything to the early days, she feels judged. Letting go of the past and showing up as an unshakably confident man — calm, curious, playful — naturally brings the chemistry back.
Q: How do I stop overthinking every hug, kiss, or lack of affection?
A: You stop tying your emotional safety to her reactions. When every touch becomes a test, you create tension she can feel instantly. Focus on your standards — steadiness, presence, appreciation — not on monitoring her behavior. When you stop tracking, the affection returns.
Q: What can I do right now to change the direction of our relationship?
A: Start by enjoying what is instead of chasing what was. Relax your expectations. Slow down. Live by your values. When you trust yourself, she feels it. A man who isn’t gripping the past or the future is deeply attractive — and incredibly fun to be around.
Q: Why does staying in the moment make such a difference in marriage?
A: Because presence is emotional leadership. When you stop comparing, stop anticipating rejection, and stop trying to recreate old highlights, she stops feeling responsible for your happiness. That freedom awakens her playful energy. Your standards — calm, joy, and self-trust — create space for her to open up again.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
Handle the Silent Treatment in a Way That Builds Trust and ConnectionMy Wife Said I’m Insecure and Need to Be More Confident
Unhappy Marriage: Does Your Wife Treat You like You’re a Pain in Her Ass?
My Wife Doesn’t Feel Safe With Me
What Kind Of Man Gets All The Affection He Wants?
