Are You F@#$%*G Crazy? Reacting vs. Responding

By:  Steve Horsmon

Here’s the scene.

You’re at work, running behind schedule, and there’s a stack of “to do’s” piling up.  You’re stressed.  Then your boss or customer calls with an “urgent” matter they want you to work on.  Maybe it’s a brand new assignment, a complaint, a personnel problem, or even a new order you’re not sure you can handle.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

How do you respond?

If you’re anything like me, you take a deep breath, gather your “calm voice” and talk through the problem.  You wrangled your stress for the moment and gave that person the best side of you in the interest of the relationship and long term business success.

You understood the CONSEQUENCES of not losing your cool.  It’s important to you that this person feels like you care about them and their problem.  You really want to maintain their respect. You successfully resisted the most appropriate response in your head which was, “Not just no, but hell no.  Are you f#$%ing crazy?!?”

However, if you’re like me, those words have slipped out more than once at home.  If not those words, a similar sentiment and tone which had the same affect.  You allowed yourself to react – not respond.  You actually KNEW the probable consequences and went for it anyway.

Why do we do this?  I know why I have done it.

Resentment.  Anger.  Indignation.  Sexual frustration.  Need to “get even”.

Can you add any more to the list?

What’s crazy is that we KNOW better.  In our incredible rational, logical minds we know our pending reaction is about to cause even more problems in our relationship.  We know it will do nothing to repair the environment which has helped cause all those feelings listed above.

As much as we would like to expect our women to embrace this notion and control their outbursts toward us, this isn’t about them, is it?  You can’t make their choice for them – and sometimes – they feel like they can’t either.  Emotion and words can fly out of your woman with wild abandon sometimes.  It happens.  But, guess what?

Sometimes the only RESPONSE she is hoping for from you is a calm, solid, unrattled energy.  Whether you agree or not or can solve her problem or not is NOT the issue.  Sometimes she simply wants to see if you can handle her with the rock solid foundation she needs to feel from you.  And sometimes that means giving her “the look” or gently letting her know where your boundaries are.

But the last thing you need to do to yourself AND her is to allow yourself to get dragged into negativity.

I know.  It’s hard.  Being a man is tough work.  But you can do it.  Be a consistent demonstration of positive energy.  Refuse to be put on the defensive.  Accept that she needs to feel strength from you and sometimes will “ask” with negative energy.

In other words – RESPOND.  You should KNOW that these things will happen.  By this time in your relationship you already know her top 10 ways to push your buttons and test your strength.  So don’t allow it to drag you down.

Plan your response so you can avoid the destructive reaction.  It is destructive to you, to her, and the relationship.

One of my coaching specialties is helping you with good responses to ANYTHING.  There is always a better energy and better words you can use to create a TOTALLY DIFFERENT feeling for her.  This is part of your job – creating an environment where trust, respect, and attraction can thrive.

Email me your situation and your typical reaction.  I will return to you a customized RESPONSE which will get her attention.  But beware, after that she will continue to test you to see if she can get some MORE of THAT energy.

author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

We respect your privacy, read our privacy policy here