Attracting Your Wife Back – How You Handle Difficult Conversations

Stupid arguments will kill your mojo and your relationship – it’s a fact.

One thing I became good at during 28 years of marriage was arguing badly.

I have a PhD in things that don’t work.

They say Thomas Edison once claimed, “I never had an experiment fail. I know 10,000 things that don’t work!”

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I wish I could be so glib about all of my failed experiments when it came to getting into arguments.

Some arguments are really important. There are disagreements and conversations about important things where both sides need to be heard and understood.

I’m not talking about those.

I’m talking about arguments about stupid shit. I mean those little things that just don’t matter and should never cause the depth of negativity, contempt and hurt they do.

You know exactly which topics I’m talking about.

  • How to properly clean a kitchen
  • How to properly load a dishwasher
  • Which brand of ketchup to buy
  • Why someone spent $8 on something…anything
  • What that last agitated look was for…etc.

You can probably think of thousands of stupid conversations that you’ve gotten into that have flared up into personal attacks, bad feelings, negative reactions and restless nights of little or no sleep.

If you’re trying to save a marriage or trying to rekindle passion, intimacy and affection, this is one skill you have to have. You have to learn how to stop having arguments about stupid shit.

Why is this important?

One reason is that when we get baited into that little boy mode of ours about how to properly drive, how to park, how to clean a dish, how to do the laundry – any of those stupid arguments that we get drawn into – we look foolish.

Not only do we look foolish, inside our own bodies as we’re doing it, we hear ourselves and we know that we look foolish, we feel foolish, we feel like a little boy and we wish that we never went down this road or had this discussion.

Another reason is that when you start getting into arguments about stupid shit, it means you are taking everything personally.

When a man is taking things personally, when everything that is a criticism, an insult, a comment or a complaint feels like it’s a personal attack on him because he’s got something going on inside that makes him think he’s stupid – he made a mistake – he is wrong – or he’s not good enough.

One thing we do in our coaching, our retreats and courses, is to help you understand your value.

Not everything that someone says to you in an argument is true. It’s just emotions.

So what we help you to do, is to handle the finer points of female emotion and knowing when not to take the bait to get into pointless conversations about stupid shit.

This helps you to feel stronger, to feel more deliberate, to feel calmer. You’re not rising above her in superiority, you’re not being condescending or dismissive. That’s not what we’re about.

It’s about being aware that in your own body you’re noticing that you’re about to have a stupid conversation about stupid shit and knowing that there are very masculine ways that you can respond during these times rather than reacting in the ways you have been.

There are two ways of handling these arguments that will immediately cause even more harm than the argument itself.

  1. Build an iron clad case of logic and historical evidence to prove that you are right and she is not only wrong, she’s most likely crazy and irresponsible. If it happens at 8pm, try to drag out your defense until 10pm with a disgusted look on your face.
  2. Go totally silent. Stew in your anger and assume she is making a personal attack on your manhood and quite possibly your penis size. Disappear for the evening and have an exhaustive conversation in your head where you have all the “perfect comebacks”. Go to bed mad and ignore her.

I’m allowed to call you out on this stuff because…remember…I’ve earned a PhD in this stuff.

Both of those options have a 100% success rate in making matters worse, creating more distance, less attraction, less trust and less respect.

Both options also have a 100% success rate in making you feel horrible, giving you a knot in your gut, causing a loss of sleep and making you wish you could have a “do-over.”

Part of our coaching helps men have their “do-over”.

This is a powerful exercise of imagining yourself in a much more confident skin.

When you have your “do-over” from a clear, confident, calm place you are RESPONDING instead of REACTING.

You feel proud of who you are being and the situational awareness you have. It’s like watching it in slow motion. You don’t feel threatened.

You’re more curious and amused with yourself for almost taking the bait and implementing one of those bad options.

You breathe more deeply. You relax.

HOW do you do this?

It’s not a “how” question. It’s not about technique or tactics.

It’s a “why” question. It’s about principles and values.

Why does one man respond and another man react?

Because the man who responds has a totally different perspective.

It’s liberating. It’s the best form of freedom…emotional freedom.

Is this something you want? Do you want to feel more relaxed and confident?

Who doesn’t?

This is what we do for men – one man at a time – with our 90-Day Masculine Confidence Intensive.

Dan Dore (my associate coach in the UK) and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become calmer and more deliberate in creating the relationship you want, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

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