My Wife Doesn’t Respect Me, What Should I do?

About 3 years ago I was sitting in a private room in a brew pub with my local men’s group having our regular “Men, Marriage and Sex” meeting.

As the meeting started we were laughing about something stupid someone said and just then the waitress came in to take beer orders.

She (jokingly?) said, “What is this? A he-man woman haters club?”

We laughed and didn’t even try to give an explanation…and she didn’t seem interested in hearing one either. It seemed she had already made up her mind.

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You may not be old enough to remember The Little Rascals. They created the first He-Man Woman Hater’s Club after being snubbed by a girl who didn’t invite him to her party.

After the waitress left the room, I asked the men, “If you had the chance to answer her question, what would be your shortest, clearest answer you could give her?”

This is what I heard from these men.

“Actually, we’re here to learn how to be better men so we can better love the women in our lives.”

and…

“We come here to figure out who WE are so we can be emotionally secure, more confident and less fearful and reactive around women.”

and…

“I’m here to figure out how to think and how to respond to a woman who doesn’t trust me and instantly assumes I’m in a woman haters club!”

They’re right.

This ain’t no woman haters club.

Once I invited a friend I’ll call “Margo” to come to a meeting to share her thoughts about women and how they experience men in relationship. She shared some of the most honest, touching and vulnerable feelings she’s had in relationships with men.

The men intently asked her questions and the conversation was free flowing, trusting and emotionally deep.

One of the younger guys got a little weepy. Margo said, “What’s wrong?”

“Joe” said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I find you intoxicating. This conversation is something I dream about with my girlfriend and I’m afraid I’ll never meet any woman in my generation willing to go there with me.”

We all took a collective, “Gulp”. We knew what Joe meant.

I explain more in this video.

YouTube video

My friend Margo is a high caliber mature, conscious woman who has done a lot of work on developing herself, so she was able to express opinions of what she thought about men, emotions and relationships in ways that were really interesting and very safe to listen to.

When she came to our men’s meet up, she was nervous but she showed up and we had one of the most amazing conversations I’ve ever experienced.

For two hours the men and I were able to ask her questions and she answered with such vulnerability, honesty and openness. It was really cool. The energy in the room was intense!

When you meet a woman like this you know it.

As Joe said to Margo, “Don’t take this the wrong way but I find you intoxicating. I feel like I could say anything to you. I feel like you see who I am. You have a positive regard toward me, you don’t speak to me like I’m an idiot. I feel accepted by you and I’m not sure I’ll ever have this in a relationship. No woman I’ve ever met has been able to do that with me like you are here.”

And that really impacted Margo; in fact they both got a little emotional in that moment.

All the guys in the room and me too, knew what he meant so I want to tell you what it means when you feel that, when you feel heard and understood.

This is the mind hack…

What Joe was saying was that Margo had a very positive regard for who he was, she assumed he was a kind man, a gentle man, a smart man, a feeling man, a compassionate man. She had nothing but positive intention and positive regard for who she assumed him to be. She didn’t assume his intentions were evil or that they somehow had some bad feeling behind them.

And so he felt comfortable. He felt safe.

She came in granting every man in the room that intention, that she had a positive regard for who they were and what they stood for.

So the mind hack is that you can give this gift to other people.

The biggest reasons you have tough conversations and arguments, get triggered and go down the spiral of death in conversations with your woman, is because you both have a negative regard for each other. You have an underlying assumption that they have a negative intention toward you.

It sounds like “What was that supposed to mean? What did you mean by that?”

So what I want you to do is to understand the power of having positive regard for people.

It’s something that makes them feel incredibly accepted and incredibly safe.

This is a mind hack but I don’t want you to fake this.

If you’re feeling triggered and insecure and not confident, you can fake that you have positive regard, but this isn’t fakeable.

Until you become truly confident and really understand your own value and are in control of your own wellbeing and your own self esteem, it’s really, really hard to grant a positive regard for other people.

That’s why Margo was able to do it. She showed up not needing anything from anybody. She wasn’t searching for validation or approval. She was already secure in herself and her self-worth and with that security and confidence, she was able to give her assumption of good intention to everybody in the room, which made the whole room relax and open up.

That’s why it was so amazing.

This is your mind hack. If you want to have really good conversations with people, especially the woman who triggers you the most, find a way to find the good in her. Find a way to give her the assumption that what she means is good.

Even if she says something mean, you have to understand that it was just something she said, it wasn’t necessarily about you. Not everything she says is an attack on you. It’s not meant to hurt you.

So when you give people your positive regard and assume positive intention, you assume the best in them. And you’ll be amazed how this can be so powerful and that just this simple mind hack can sometimes enable them to show up differently, as the best in themselves.

Sometimes we talk about this as believing more in someone and their goodness than they can believe in themselves.

Here’s the bottom line.

We all pretty much want the same stuff.

We want to feel free and safe to connect at a deeper level. We want to feel heard and understood. We want to FEEL the connection of emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy with a woman.

We want affection, physical intimacy and passion.

We want to be able to trust and to be trusted.

We want to appreciate and feel appreciated without being accused of being a “he-man woman hater.”

So why is this so hard for the men we work with?

It is the intense, unbridled attraction and love we have toward women that tends to unravel our sense of security, confidence and self-respect.

That’s what needs fixing.

When we show up with an immature sex drive, uncontrolled fear and insecure neediness…all hell breaks loose.

We doubt our own value and the thing we fear most is REJECTION.

And the moment we allow that fear into our bloodstream we give off the vibe of a “he-man woman hater”.

And it’s impossible to ever get what you want from that place.

This is what the meetings are all about.

It’s what our articles, videos, retreats, book and coaching programs are all about.

It’s about FOCUSING AND WORKING on getting you out of that place and into the place you want to be. And that’s in the skin of a calm, confident man who knows his own value and understands how to share that value from a fearless place of love and self-respect.

When you’re in THAT skin…everything is easier. It’s the most liberating skin you’ll ever know.

How do you get that skin?

I’d like you to consider joining us in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable.

I don’t need “sell” this. It sells itself.

Here is what one man recently posted to the tribe of men in the Roundtable…

“Men, here is what I’ve gained so far:

– Taking things less personally (well, mostly)
– Feeling more confident
– Feeling more directed
– Enjoying having a tribe of brothers I can confide in and support
– Knowing that I will always be ok
– Knowing that I can always fall back on self-reliance and trust in my inner strength
– Much less worried about what others think of me
– No longer feeling the urge to defend myself
– Giving less f*cks about things that don’t matter
– Knowing I can change any part of me for the better at any time
– Looking after myself better
– Greater self-awareness
– A calmer mind
– A more loving heart.

That’s the power of going through this process of self-development with other initiated men who have your back and are holding you accountable.

“Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so.”
Charles de Gaulle

We would love to help you become so clear in your own value, wellbeing and self esteem that you look forward to difficult conversations and deliberately give your positive regard to others to start creating the life and relationship YOU want to experience.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

Books, articles and videos are great but to really make quick progress and get to a point where you’re consistently calm, confident and enthusiastic about life again you need other men who understand what you’re going through and who will challenge you to make the changes that you need to make.

Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Come and try our coaching through our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self-realization.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

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author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

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