By Steve Horsmon, March 2013
A “Wife Whisperer” is a special guy. His love for his wife runs strong and deep. He has learned that she is magnificent and special in so many ways. Just like the horses he works with, his wife has a language all her own. The Whisperer has mastered this language and has a quiet confidence that he can give and receive love in ways he never knew before. One of the most important things he has learned is that he can’t always expect her to say “Thank you”, “I trust you”, or “I appreciate you” in a clear and direct manner.
In fact, a Wife Whisperer has learned how to “listen” and appreciate all the *subtle* ways she speaks to him. And SHE feels that he “gets her” and, without any words at all, she senses his strong, deep, and respectful love.
The Wife Whisperer, like the horse whisperer, becomes relaxed and confident in his ability to get the feedback he desires. And just like the horse whisperer, he knows he may NEVER hear a horse say:
“Whoa, cowboy! You’ve been working with me for 6 months now and I just wanna tell you something. I’m starting to trust you like I never thought I would. When you talk to me, I feel safe. You’re so grounded – you’re my rock! I don’t know why, but it feels like you accept me for who I am and there’s no pressure to act like another horse. It makes my heart swell when I feel like we’re working together in harmony and I feel like I can trust anything you ask of me. Sometimes when you touch me for no reason at all I just feel better, safer…like I know I can count on you. I just want to say thank-you for being the cowboy you are.”
However, there are many things the cowboy will notice:
- A soft eye
- A relaxed posture
- A desire to be near him
- Accepting his touch without suspicion
- A calm disposition on a rough trail
- A big, pleasant sigh
That’s about it. Whether he’s raised her from a colt and has ALWAYS had that perfect relationship OR whether he’s finally gotten the wild mustang to trust him, the feedback is the same. He understands his role and what she needs from him and he’s totally comfortable with it. He doesn’t PRESSURE her with undo expectations. This is because he takes pride in knowing how to speak HER language and being the best cowboy on the ranch. It’s just who he is…and she LOVES it!
The lesson for the Wife Whiperer is clear. By becoming an expert at “listening” to her silent language, communication becomes so much easier. His needs for feedback and verbal affirmation can be met when he understands what she is saying when she is not talking. This will remove the enormous pressure of neediness and expectation which will allow her to trust and connect with him.