8 Steps To Transform Your Unhappy Marriage
Transforming an unhappy marriage to a happy one again is absolutely within your power & much easier than you might think, but it does take a willingness to learn how you’re currently contributing to the unhappiness and a commitment to going first in leading the way forward to a kinder, more happy and more passionate future.
Men In Unhappy Marriages
Do you ever catch yourself saying stuff like this?
- Our marriage is struggling
- Our marriage is falling apart
- Our marriage is stuck
- Our relationship is going through tough times
- Our marriage isn’t in a happy place
- Our marriage isn’t sexual
- Our marriage is a sh*t show
There’s a silly habit couples get into.
They talk about their marriage like they’re watching a storm together.
They point out all things wrong with the marriage as if it is an entity separate from their own thoughts and behaviors. They blame the poor “marriage” for stinking up the place.
This is convenient. It’s keeps both of them from immediately thinking or doing anything differently at this very moment.
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The Storm Is THEM And They Can’t See It
- They exaggerate personal offenses
- They react to their frustrations like teenagers
- They constantly search for what’s wrong instead of what’s right
- They attack with contemptuous thoughts and react defensively
- They feel so victimized they can’t imagine saying or doing one kind or loving thing
- And they give up all their power by blaming the “troubled marriage”.
So what’s the one simple trick?
Stop it. Just. Stop. It.
You and she will NEVER stop it at the same time.
Somebody has to see what’s really happening and change the energy.
You must decide it is YOU who will go first for no other reason than you WANT to. You see the simple, logical and empowering truth in this!
You get to choose your mindset, your mood, your perspective, your words and your actions…at all times.
And I promise…
If you do this experiment below starting now, you will have a 51% improvement in your experience of being married tonight.
Why 51%? Simply because YOU decided to go first. You’ve taken the lead over yourself and, therefore, 51% of the negative energy in your relationship.
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8 Steps To Implement Your New Thinking
- You’re OK right now just as you are. Period. Don’t believe any other thought about yourself but that. There is no storm…you just THOUGHT there was.
- Look in the mirror now and grin at yourself and crack open a beer or any other drink of choice.
- Find a child or a dog and lay on the floor with them and have a goofy conversation. Hug them. Tell them you love them.
- Think of something about your wife you sincerely appreciate, adore and/or respect. Write it down on a Post-It note. Do that two more times. Stick it in your pocket.
- Think of a time when you were feeling TOTALLY AT EASE…when you felt clear, confident, happy and engaged with life. (this is your default state you’ve somehow forgotten, brother)
- Find 3 things that need to get done around the house before bedtime. Do them quietly and without fanfare. Pick things that matter to the family. (Don’t try to impress her by rewiring the kitchen)
- Go to bed. Take 3 deep breaths. Decide that you are waking up in the morning to a beautiful sunrise and a brand new day. Fall asleep with that Post-It note under your pillow.
- Go back to Step 1.
Tomorrow, I would love for you to send me a personal email if you actually did all 8 steps. I want to know how it felt and how you slept.
I don’t care how she reacted to you. I care about what changed inside of YOU.
I want to know if you experienced a 51% shift in your perception of the “stormy marriage”.
I want to know if it didn’t help you.
I want to know what thoughts, feelings and lingering “Yeah, but you just don’t understand!” objections you have.
There you go. One new mindset and 8 steps to turn your relationship around. Men in unhappy marriages can get bogged down by overthinking. It’s so simple. Relax into being your happy, confident self and she’ll feel invited to join.
The 9th Step For Men In Unhappy Marriages
I want to know if you want to have a 90-minute conversation about it. About YOU. About HER. And about how to string together more good days than bad.
We’ll set up a “2×4 of Clarity Coaching Call“. No strings.
Either one of my amazing coaches or I will contact you right away if you send in this incredibly personal contact form. (I’m always amazed how much detail guys put in this thing)
That’s it. Easy peasy.
If you’re a man who has been reading these emails or watching GG2GM videos for awhile, you might be thinking it’s time to sh*t or get off the pot.
Q: Can an unhappy marriage really be fixed?
A: Absolutely. Most unhappy marriages aren’t broken—they’re stuck in habits of blame and disconnection. The real shift happens when one person decides to lead with calm, kindness, and self-respect. When you change your energy, the relationship starts changing too—often faster than you’d think.
Q: My wife and I feel disconnected. Where do I start?
A: Start with yourself. Stop describing the marriage as if it’s a storm happening to you both. Choose to lead the emotional tone. Be playful, do small things that matter, express appreciation, and relax your energy. Even a 51% shift in you can calm the storm.
Q: What if my wife doesn’t change, even when I do?
A: That’s okay. The goal isn’t to control her—it’s to reclaim your own peace, confidence, and joy. When you consistently lead with calm strength and love, she either joins that energy or reveals that she can’t. Either way, you win back clarity and power.
Q: Why do you say men should “go first” in fixing the marriage?
A: Because someone has to break the cycle. Waiting for her to change keeps you stuck in reaction mode. Going first isn’t weakness—it’s leadership. It means you choose your mindset, your mood, and your actions instead of being ruled by hers.
Q: What are the 8 steps to turn an unhappy marriage around?
A: They’re simple mindset shifts: accept that you’re okay, find joy in small moments, appreciate your wife, reconnect with your best self, quietly serve your home, and go to bed grateful. Repeat daily. These habits build calm confidence—and affection follows.
Q: What if it feels too late to fix my marriage?
A: It’s rarely too late to improve your experience of being married. Even if she’s distant or angry, you control your attitude, actions, and outlook. Lead yourself first. When you stop fueling negativity, the atmosphere changes—and that’s when reconnection begins.
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