Is A Vulnerable Man Attractive?
The tension was thick in the air. Greg had just shared his deepest fears with his wife. Was the ball in her court or his now? She said nothing, but the look on her face said: “what are you going to do about this”? Greg felt confused. Being a vulnerable man is supposed to be good in a relationship, right? This article explains why a man’s vulnerability is not attractive when he vents his insecurities and fears without a plan. I’m also going to show you the attractiveness of “presence” when emotions are hard.
Everyone is saying it these days.
Vulnerability is a strength…not a weakness!
This is definitely confusing to married men who have been expressing their feelings and emotional discomfort in their marriage only to be clobbered over the head with their vulnerability.
It’s a paradox.
Vulnerability can be both a strength AND a weakness.
Vulnerability is strength when we express ourselves from an emotionally secure place. When we share our feelings and fears without apology, without defense and without a hidden agenda, vulnerability can be powerful and liberating.
We can feel a surge of self-respect and inner peace when we finally speak our unapologetic truth without fear.
I believe vulnerability is one of the most important traits of a courageous, whole-hearted man. It’s our ticket to a truly authentic presence
Other articles you may find helpful:
How to Stop Arguing About Sex and Create More AttractionWhat Confidence Looks Like In A Struggling Marriage
So when is vulnerability a “weakness”?
I explain this in the short video below.
The Ultimate (and scariest) Test of Your Manhood
“Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” ~ Brene Brown
While vulnerability requires great courage, I often caution men about the “misuse” of their emotional expressions.
How can we “misuse” vulnerability?
In the context of a struggling marriage or emotional conflict, we can pressure, coerce or manipulate others with our pain.
We may justify our constant sharing of feelings and demand for attention as simple “communication”.
How could she not want to “communicate”?
This is where our coaching gets very direct.
When a vulnerable man shares his unbridled emotions, fears and feelings with his wife it’s typically ineffective and unwanted.
Fearful emotions can cause more distance, discord and disrespect.
This is why we emphasize the need to be vulnerable with someone who can handle it.
And that someone is another man who totally gets you.
Most men tell me they have few men in their life they can trust.
I think this is the biggest reason I created the Goodguys2Greatmen community. There is no other place I know of with so many strong, wise, compassionate and helpful men.
A vulnerable man is attractive when he’s settled his fears and worries. He settles his anxieties with other men before trying to be vulnerable with his wife. Are you ready to get vulnerable with men you can trust?
I want you to reach out for a consultation call. (click that link)
No strings.
No games.
Just the kind of brotherhood you have to feel to believe!
Q: Why does my vulnerability push my wife away instead of bringing us closer?
A: Because you’re sharing from fear, not from strength. When vulnerability comes from insecurity, panic, or a need for reassurance, it feels heavy and pressuring to her. That’s misused vulnerability. True, attractive vulnerability happens after you’ve settled your fears and can speak calmly, clearly, and without needing anything back.
Q: When is vulnerability a strength and when is it a weakness in marriage?
A: Vulnerability is strength when it’s grounded — when you share your truth without apology, manipulation, or expectation. It becomes weakness when it comes from emotional dumping, panic, or hoping she’ll fix your fears. Secure vulnerability inspires connection; insecure vulnerability creates distance.
Q: Why doesn’t my wife respond well when I open up about my insecurities?
A: Because she’s not the right person to process your raw fear with. In hard seasons, your unfiltered emotions feel like a burden, not bonding. Women are attracted to presence, not panic. You need men — grounded, supportive, experienced men — who can absorb your fear and help you stabilize before talking to her.
Q: What should I do before sharing something vulnerable with my wife?
A: Settle yourself first. Talk to another man who’s been through it. Get perspective. Calm your nervous system. Then you can share from clarity instead of chaos. When your vulnerability comes from emotional leadership instead of emotional neediness, your wife relaxes instead of recoils.
Q: How do I know if I’m using vulnerability to manipulate or pressure my wife?
A: Look at your intention. Are you sharing to connect — or are you hoping she’ll soothe you, validate you, or change her behavior? If your emotional expression has a hidden agenda, it isn’t connection… it’s control. That energy feels heavy and unattractive to her every time.
Q: How can I become more attractive and grounded when emotions are high?
A: Develop presence. Presence comes from handling your fears with men who get you, not from unloading everything onto your wife. When you can stand calmly in your feelings — steady, open, unafraid — you become deeply attractive. Women trust a man who can regulate himself before asking for connection.
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Have questions about your relationship?
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