At Work You're Loved, At Home You're Called Manchild

Why can’t high achievers, who are so adept at solving problems at work, fix the problems in their relationships?

For many professionally successful men, the same traits that take them to the top of their career can take their relationships to the bottom.

Psychologist Dr. Tony Ferretti asks the question, “Why can’t high achievers, who are so adept at solving problems at work, fix the problems in their relationships?” In his article, Successful People, Unsuccessful Relationships, he explains that the first step to fixing a problem is being able to recognize it.

As a men’s coach, I help men recognize the difference between their successful problem solving skills at work and their unsuccessful relationship skills at home.

A successful professional typically becomes that way by mastering what he knows and how he does it. He is an expert problem solver, decision maker and action taker.

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However, in nurturing his romantic relationship, the last thing his partner cares about is his professional prowess. She isn’t attracted to what he knows. And she isn’t inspired by how he does it.

She connects with him by how he makes her feel.

And that comes from who he is being when he is with her.

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Being the “There, I fixed it” Guy at Home?

One of the biggest mindset challenges for men is changing how they see their role at home vs. work.

Seeing your work as a series of challenges to be conquered and problems to be fixed is to be expected. You are highly valued and rewarded for courageously taking on all obstacles to success. You might want to continue that mindset at home. Sure, go for it with leaky faucets and peeling paint.

But when it comes to your relationship, don’t do it. Why?

If you view your relationship as just another set of problems, you’ll never get out of your head. If you consider your partner just another challenge that needs to be fixed, she will never be able to feel your heart. And creating a successful relationship always starts in your heart.

You may think that arguments, complaints or unhappiness are problems to be “fixed”. You would then expect them to have a solution based in rational discussion, logical planning and clear agreements.

It should be that easy, right? But it is rarely true.

Arguing, complaining and unhappiness almost never come from a failure in what you have done. They come from a lack of awareness of who you are being when you do them.

When you try to fix her complaints with unwavering logic, you are being a good technician.

But when you try to address those concerns with calm compassion, you are being a good listener.

When you try to fix her unhappiness with a battery of questions, you are being a good troubleshooter.

But when you try to understand her unhappiness with empathy, you are being a good lover.

Work skills and relationships skills are very different and often incompatible.

The former requires 80% head energy and 20% heart energy. The latter is just the opposite.

Being able to consciously make this switch at home is the Achilles Heel for a lot of men.

It took me the better part of 28 years to figure this out.

Being the “Daddy’s home, what’s for supper?” Guy Doesn’t Work Either

There’s another ineffective mindset high-achieving men adopt in their relationships.

I call this one the, “Daddy’s home, what’s for supper?” mindset. In this mindset you are constantly being a follower in the relationship. You are deferring all decisions to her. You have surrendered your balls. And she really doesn’t want them.

In this mode you will think:

You are the main breadwinner, provider and dragon slayer
She wants to take care of everything else…everything

Some guys will even tell me, “Hey, she doesn’t want my input on anything and actually prefers to take care of everything else. I just stay out of her way.”

I know it’s tempting to believe she actually loves owning everything that is finance, child care, vacation planning, holiday planning, social life planning, birthday planning and even romance planning. It’s tempting to say, “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!”

This mode of operation can kill your relationship as quickly as the “There, I fixed it” mode can.

Don’t be this guy. Not only will she lose respect and attraction for you, I happen to know you don’t like it much either.

You may even be afraid to step into her world for fear of the consequences.

It’s that fear that makes you feel a little insecure and walking on eggshells all the time. You look for her approval and directions. She is the holder of your mojo.

And the effect this has on your relationship is painfully obvious.

Okay, Then Who Shall I Be?

That’s the elephant in the room, isn’t it?

Who do you want to be?

What role would you prefer to play in your romantic relationship?

If you could be any man you wanted to be, what values would he bring? What is his energy like?

What does he believe? What does he stand for?

How is his relationship going? How does she treat him and vice-versa?

What’s the sex like?

You see, the problem here is we men can’t wait for anyone else to tell us the answers to these questions. We must do the work to find our own answers.

Then we must make the decision to BE that man without asking for permission or directions from anyone else on how to do that.

It is only that man who can feel truly “successful” in every part of his life.

If you’re a man who has had enough and wants to be chased again (or for the first time), my new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.