I’ve been thinking hard about how to give you some unhappy, sexless marriage advice. I know you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t have a deep desire to figure out what to do and where to go with the woman in your life.
You may be a guy who says,
“Our relationship is really pretty happy, except that we never have sex anymore.”
Or you may say,
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“Sex with us isn’t really the problem as much as the negativity and constant arguing.”
Or you may fall into the majority of guys for whom the relationship is both unhappy and severely lacking in any intimacy.
In any case, it’s been bugging the crap out of you and you can’t stop thinking about it. You want more. You want more respect, more fun, more appreciation, more trust, more REAL intimacy. In a word, you want your relationship to feel more like LOVE.
You know exactly what that used to feel like. You felt it with another woman at some point in your life or with the woman you’re with right now. And you would not be alone if you said you’re struggling with the fact that you never felt that connection – even in your current relationship.
All you know is that that feeling is missing. We ALL want a romantic relationship that feels effortless and intimate. It makes us happy and confident to feel the energy of mutual appreciation, adoration, and DESIRE.
We want it. We think we deserve it. But, we’re not exactly sure what to think or what to do about it.
You Are a Warrior Deep in Your Heart!
Every man has 3 very clear options to END an unhappy and/or sexless relationship.
You are a strong, virile man. You were created for love and passion. You want what you want. You’ve got the blood of all the “warriors” before you running through your veins!
And you now have the same choices every warrior must make when it comes to fighting for what he wants.
Other articles you may find helpful:
Why Does My Wife Avoid Me?The Quickest Way to Being a More Confident Man in Your Relationship
Well Braveheart, what’s it going to be?
1. Go into battle
2. Retreat
3. Surrender
All of these options are viable and one is not necessarily better than the other. Depending on the unique details of your relationship, one of these may be the very best choice for you. I have helped men in all 3 of these situations and I love and respect every one of them.
What do they mean? Let me explain.
Every unhappy and sexless relationship ends eventually.
- It ends after a fierce battle to save it and turn it into a rewarding, beautiful thing.
- It ends when one or both people decide to retreat (a.k.a. Divorce)
- It ends when both people surrender and choose to accept it…and it ends when they die.
The Battle
I have watched men choose to mount up and charge into Battle. The warrior within wants to FIGHT for what he wants and knows he deserves. You learn very quickly that strategy matters. You find out who the enemy is and who it is not.
In most cases, you will discover your woman in NOT the enemy. She’s not a good ally either, for sure. But she soon WILL be.
The ferocious battle you are fighting is with yourself. Every single one of us has “enemies” within us. Some of these enemies attacked us in the womb. Some of them raided our hearts when we were growing up. And some of our enemies are the result of our own stubbornness, ignorance and “stinkin thinkin”.
This can be a blood-bath sometimes for a guy. There is pain and fear involved just like any good battle. When the battle is over and you emerge victorious you know it was worth it. You used your stubborn nature and strength of your convictions to overcome the fear of change and uncertain consequences.
You know very clearly that you may need to battle frequently to protect your relationship. This feels like PASSION to you – not war. You are ready and willing to fight whenever it is needed again.
The Retreat
Sometimes a Retreat, or a divorce, is the most appropriate option. This was my story as you know. If you have been in battle long enough to truly understand that your efforts will gain no further ground, you must retreat. Saving yourself is the only sensible option. There is no shame in that.
Retreating may mean opening the door and allowing her to peacefully go where she wants (giving her a divorce). It may mean you must be the one to take charge and create the ending necessary to allow yourself to move on (initiating the divorce yourself).
Retreating from the relationship does not mean you are weak or uncommitted. As a warrior, at times you must know that you have fought hard and have done all the work you could possibly do. But continuing the fight only results in more pain and misery for everyone involved.
It’s now time for you redirect your energy and passion elsewhere to build the relationship you WILL have in your life.
The Surrender
First, I want to make it clear that some relationships have enormous hurdles in the way of happiness and intimacy. Many couples find themselves with unbelievably challenging health problems, childcare issues, financial distress, etc. Happiness and intimacy may not even seem like a reasonable expectation to them. Their only reasonable option is to stay together to help each other survive.
If that is not your case, the Surrender feels more like just “settling”. You have given up fighting for what you want and have settled for what seems to be “good enough”. You allow yourself to go day to day with general discontent and zero intimacy and it has become the new normal.
In this relationship, the end will come normally when a person leaves – and it is usually her. Women initiate at least 75% of all divorces. This is because her decision to leave is more driven by her very long list of possible positive consequences affecting her happiness.
Most men’s decision to NOT leave is swayed by a very long list of probable negative consequences. Hence, he is caught “totally off guard” when she tells him she is leaving.
And the most obvious end to an unhappy, sexless relationship is when one of the surrendering parties passes away. This is an all too common cliché involving two people too scared of what lies beyond their current unhappiness. Because women generally live longer than men, we get to see a lot of widows suddenly get a lot happier with their new independence and a new, nice man in their life.
Another Option?
Reach out for some help. Whether you want to choose to Battle, Retreat, or Surrender, it sucks trying to do it on your own. This is where most men fail miserably!
Men tend to suck up all their feelings and emotions and quickly use “logic” to decide to do nothing at all.
Doing nothing at all IS a decision. It’s a decision to Surrender. If you really think Surrendering is your best option, then do it with a purpose. Do it with intention. Do it on YOUR terms.
But don’t do nothing. You need to get clear headed about this.
Talk to friends, clergy, counselors, therapists, or me.
What will you get out of working with me on this?
Here’s my promise to you.
- I will give you endless personal support and the highest quality information and advice you will need no matter which choice above you make.
- I will be the most authentic, effective, empowering, and intensely personal source of support you can find ANYWHERE.
- I will help you create a crystal clear plan of ACTION for your future which supports your personal values, dreams, and desires.
- You will feel more confident and clear headed than ever before about where you’re going and how you’re going to get there.
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