How Overreacting Reduces the Affection in Your Marriage

I say this about 20 times a week.

STAY IN YOUR LANE, BROTHER!

I say it to men who are stumbling into negativity, dark thoughts and unnecessary conflict.

But what does it mean?

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It means to stop driving into the drama created by others.

It means to stop believing every bad day is a sign that something is wrong.

And when things are going great, don’t get caught up in believing they will always be great.

Life is an experience of ups and downs…highs and lows.

But if you don’t know where YOUR LANE is, you’ll drive all over the freaking road feeling out of control…a victim of circumstances.

If you don’t know where YOUR LANE is, you’ll tend to drive in everybody else’s lane…reacting to THEIR emotions and measuring yourself by THEIR moods and THEIR approval.

You must create a lane for yourself that is peaceful, calm and confident.

Your lane is a mindset that constantly reassures you that you’re OKAY. And no matter what’s going on around you, you’re going to be okay.

Your lane is a set of personal beliefs and values that cause you to think more clearly, speak more honestly and act more boldly.

I talk more about it in this video.

YouTube video

Stay in your lane is a mantra we use a lot when coaching men when we find them veering away from their calm, strong, confident frame of behavior.

It’s something that has a huge affect on his relationship and his partner’s ability to open up to him.

Sometimes when a man is outside his frame, he goes really dark. He goes really silent and brooding and he gets upset, taking everything personally, he gets defensive and everything is dark and negative to him. Other times he’s really high – unusually high and on top of the world.

Either one of those positions aren’t that believable. Don’t believe all your highs and don’t believe all your lows!

When I say “Stay in your lane” what I mean is, stay in your masculine frame.

Exactly one week ago it was crappy around here, there was eight inches of snow on the ground, the wind was howling and what usually would have been a forty-five minute drive took me two hours to get home.

I could have let it get to me, but I just needed to stay in my lane.

It was a crappy day, a crappy night, and then the next two days were only twelve degrees.  And now…just seven days later, it’s sixty-five degrees. I’m not wearing a coat and I’m about to jump on my motorcycle!

Sometimes we have to learn to stay in our lane no matter what the weather is doing around us. No matter what other people are saying, no matter what they’re doing, no matter however you’re being treated, you have to realize that your lane is a place of comfort, a place of self-satisfaction, of being pleased with who you are, of knowing your value and knowing that you’re going to be OK.

Stay in your lane means that no matter what is going on around you, whether you’re having an unusually crappy, blizzard day or an unusually great day, don’t take any of it too seriously. Know that at your core, on your average ideal day, you’re doing just fine.

This is important because when you’re in a relationship where things seem to be going up and down on a rollercoaster or even when you’re stuck in limbo not knowing how things are between the two of you, you tend to think dark negative thoughts, you tend to dip down and stray out of your lane. You start to follow the energy of those around you who seem to be in bad moods or in dark negative, depressed places.

When you stay in your lane, you stay in your own sense of calmness, your own sense of worthiness, your own sense of self-sourced happiness and wellbeing, and when you do that, the one thing I can GUARANTEE you is that the things around you change.

So just as blizzards come and blizzards go, you have to stay in your lane and get through it and you’ll be OK. You’re always going to be OK.

You have to believe that.

This is a matter of faith.

Faith in yourself and your ability to change your experience.

I want you to know that you’ve been giving weight to things that are happening around you which don’t deserve the attention you’re giving them. You’ve been giving meaning to things that other people are saying and doing that you shouldn’t be and it’s holding you back from the fulfilling life and relationship that you want to have.

This men’s work that we do is all about helping you get a different understanding of your situation, so that you can see that you are actually OK right now and that you’re going to be OK.

And from there you finally have access to your masculine strength and confidence to change your situation.

Learning to stay in your lane is a constant process of self-awareness and self-correction. Your hands are always moving slightly on the wheel…keeping yourself in the correct lane.

The process requires the willingness and effort to learn. This means reading, talking, sharing and supporting other men. The process also requires you to accept help from others.

For example, one guy recently read my book and sent me this:

“I feel the need to email you briefly, and thank you for you book “Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband.

It came at just the right time for me, and offers some challenging, powerful insight, reassurance, honesty, education and ideas for action when I am feeling at my most powerless in my relationship, lost and with very low confidence. Sections of your book dovetailed well with where I’m at and the beginning of the journey I’m currently taking. What resonated most was that I need to work on improving me as a focus, not improving my relationship with my partner. Also key was the advice on what to stop doing in my interactions with her, most of which were boxes ticked by me in terms of what I’m currently doing. Also the comments on fear, as clearly this is what’s driving a lot of my decisions.

So my thanks and gratitude for your book and wise counsel. I feel very fortunate to have come across your book, and I thank you for all that it provides. Could email much more, but put simply, thanks for writing a great book.”

If you want to learn how to start “staying in your lane”, with rock solid confidence and self-respect so you can KNOW you’re OK even when you’re in the middle of chaos, then get in touch. Here at Goodguys2Greatmen this is what we do. We help you know what your lane looks and feels like. This is our passion.

We’ve created many options for men to join the Goodguys2Greatmen community and our movement to build strong, secure, confident men who get to live the life they want.

If you want to get serious about becoming that man, we want to speak with you personally.

We want to spend at least an hour at first to hear your voice, learn about your dreams and coach you through some of the barriers in front of you.

On this call we can offer you immediate tips to change what you’re dealing with right now. This will make you feel calmer…stronger…and more relaxed and measured every day over the holidays.

At the end of the call we fully expect you to say what other men have said.

“Damn, this felt better than a year of counseling! I can’t believe someone really listened to me and understands exactly who I am and where I am!”.

How do you set up this call?

Fill in this application form for your free consultation. We want to know some things about you first and will schedule the call right away. You will be matched up with either to me or one of my certified coaches around the world.

You’re not alone brother. I promise.

Here are some other options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 90% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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