How to Attract Your Unhappy Wife Back Into Love With You

If you’re in a cold, disconnected or sexless marriage, you may be wondering “is it possible to attract your unhappy wife back into love with you?” The short answer is YES! But it’s not a quick fix and it’s certainly not simple.

“Her wedding ring stares at me each morning from its new place on the bathroom counter.

She’s a ghost of her former self and glides through the house still taking care of business

Sometimes I hear her laugh on the phone talking to someone about something.

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She has developed interests in anything that isn’t me.

Romance and sex are long gone and she claims she has lost all interest in ever being “that woman” again. She doesn’t need that anymore.

Space. She just wants space.

She’s left me…but still sleeps in my bed.”

The Early Trouble Signs

Men sometimes miss the cues that signal pending trouble.

For example:

  • She’s avoiding deep conversations and intimacy of any type for a few months or more
  • She’s taking time off by herself or with friends more than ever before
  • She’s drinking more heavily, staying up much later or sleeping in longer than usual
  • She’s accidentally spends the night on the couch…a lot
  • She’s unusually critical, sarcastic and/or disrespectful
  • She’s unusually nice, chatty and/or sexual
  • She’s treating the kids, her friends, her hateful sister, the dog and the cat nicer than you
  • She’s showing a sudden interest in the balances of your retirement accounts
  • She’s never smoked but just started
  • She’s much more bawdy and foul-mouthed than usual

When you ask her “What’s up?”…she says, “Nothing. Everything is fine!”

If this was a teenager, you might just take a deep breath and hope for the best.

But we’re talking about your wife. This is different.

Why Women Check Out But Never Leave

Here is my trusty expert wisdom on why women start detaching from you and your marriage, won’t admit there’s a problem and don’t leave.

I really don’t know anything for certain. I don’t know your wife and I don’t know your situation.

And I don’t know you – another obvious variable in the equation.

Here’s what I do know.

She’s not going anywhere soon. You’re living in “Limbo Land” because she is living in “Limbo Land”. There’s something going on and she is in no condition – mentally or emotionally – to explain it to you.

But I’ve been listening closely for years and this is what I hear women say:

  • I feel smothered
  • I feel stuck
  • I feel numb
  • I feel trapped
  • I don’t know who I am anymore
  • I don’t know if I’m supposed to be married
  • I don’t know if I’m supposed to be married to him
  • I don’t know what I want
  • I don’t want to be unhappy anymore
  • I don’t trust him anymore
  • I don’t feel any romantic attraction anymore
  • I don’t trust myself to BE myself in this marriage
  • I just don’t want to feel like this anymore!

Here’s what you need to know. Those are 13 things over which you have zero direct control.

You can’t decode them. You can’t analyze them.

And you can’t fix them even though that’s exactly what you want to do every second of the day.

But the harder you try the worse things will get.

The Prognosis and the Treatment

It’s hard to tell, really. There’s not much data on it.

It all depends on how much of the problem is related to feelings of anxiety, depression, disgust, neglect, abuse or just plain and simple, “I’ve fallen out of love and I ain’t gonna do this no more.

If you’re a man who is thinking I’ve been hiding in your walls, I know how helpless you feel and how hopeless this article is making you feel.

You’ve got traces of fear, sadness, anger, confusion and guilt running through your veins. You’re waking up around 4am wondering what the hell today will bring and what you’re going to do.

There is very little you can do for her at this moment.

But there is a lot you can do for yourself which could indirectly help the situation as well.

Here is your treatment plan.

  • Remember to breathe – a lot of deep breaths
  • Remember this is not all about you even though you think it is
  • Immediately start talking with other men you trust who have been here before
  • Don’t stop talking, thinking and feeling – but don’t burden her with it
  • Don’t follow her moods or behavior – stay positive
  • Don’t interrogate her, pressure her or demand rational explanations
  • Accept that you have no control whatsoever over her feelings and choices
  • Start exercising regularly with other men
  • Don’t isolate yourself
  • Try not to drown yourself while Googling “unhappy wife”
  • Stay present and connected with the family
  • Be kind and compassionate
  • Be detached from any specific outcome
  • Pull your weight but don’t try to astound her with taking over everything
  • Don’t be needy, clingy or whiny
  • Remember you are a whole man at this very moment
  • Find a solid counselor or coach who specializes in helping men get their heads and lives together during times like these

Long Term Outlook

You don’t feel like it right now, but you’re going to be fine.

This will not kill you. If you handle it right, you will actually emerge stronger, smarter, clearer and more confident than you’ve ever been in your life.

To do that you will need to see this time of your life as a unique and powerful opportunity to grow…because that’s what it is.

You will smile and laugh again.

You will feel whole again.

And you will feel loved again.

The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free 90 minute consultation call I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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