How to Stop Being Anxious About Your Marriage Problems

I was running through the woods the other day on my quest to lose a few of my wintry pounds.

I like variety and can’t do the same thing over and over again. So I thought I’d do some trail running in the woods behind the house.

Apparently, you’re supposed to look where you’re going.

I was looking down, preoccupied with not falling when a sneaky tree branch came out of nowhere and knocked me in the head.

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I was only looking at my next step – with no idea where I was headed or what to expect.

It’s a great metaphor and reminder if you’re ever feeling out of control. If you’re feeling stuck in limbo or off balance in your work or relationship it may be because you’ve been looking down.

Watch this short video for a better explanation.

YouTube video

I was talking to some guys who love adventure sports the other day, downhill skiing, motorcross racing, dirtbike riding, car racing, things like that…and we ended up talking about this habit that we can get into, especially when you’re tired, which is to start looking closer in than your horizon.

Sometimes on my dirtbike I would start looking down at the front tyre and all I could see was the next root or rock or tree that I was about to hit and everything was a surprise.

The downhill skiier guy told me that you always cross our skis when you look down. If you’re not looking down the hill or down the trail, your mind gets locked up into the present, the here and now and there’s a 911 feeling that you get in your body that everything is an emergency and so you’re always trying to over-correct.

You always need to be looking down the track – like racecar driver do – they’re always looking toward the next turn, they don’t look at the wall.

Which brings me to my story for today…

I tried some trail running out here in the woods yesterday before the snow came in. I was running through the trail, jumping over logs, bouncing off rocks and stuff, but I was looking down at pine cones and rocks trying not to twist an ankle. I didn’t see a branch coming up ten feet in front of me so I ran right into it and it just gashed my forehead wide open.

So then I was sat there bleeding thinking, this is the message I want to give you guys, but in the context of your life, your marriage, your relationship, your job or your crappy boss…

If your horizon is right there in front of you, that crappy day, the crappy thing she said to you, the way you feel, the emergencies, the 911 things that are going on in front of you, you find yourself on your heels, you’re reacting to EVERYTHING and so it feels like crap.

You end up dreading the next day because you don’t know what the next day has in store.

Do you wake up again, on your heels, dreading the next thing you’re going to have to react to?

What would it mean if you were looking down the trail?

What if you just picked your head up and stopped worrying about what is in front of you right now and start creating the path that you want to go down?

What about 5 years from now?

What kind of life do you want to live?

What kind of job do you want to have?

What kind of relationship are you going to have NO MATTER WHAT?

Looking down the trail in your life and relationship and your job means getting out of the current moment and starting imagining yourself as a creator of your life.

You start looking at the things you CAN DO under your own power, if only you could look up long enough to think about them, to imagine them and to create them on your own.

So don’t put a gash in your head.

For this weekend, look up.

Don’t look at what’s going on in front of you.

Don’t look at an impending argument or an impending shit show.

Don’t think about what’s going to happen in the next 10 minutes, think about where you’re going. Think about the happiness, the joy and the connection. Think about the relaxed, confident man that you’re going to be no matter what and start living from that place.

You’ll make the turn a lot easier I promise.

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there. ~ Yogi Berra

When we’re moving through life with our head down worrying about the next thing to go wrong all we see are things about to go wrong.

Then we react to those things only to find another thing waiting after that. We’re on our heels and off balance.

In other words, the world is “happening to us” at every moment. We feel like a victim of circumstance.

But, what if you could look up long enough to make a plan of your own? What if you “happened to the world” instead?

What if you realized you were actually the creator of circumstances instead of a victim?

The only way I know to help a man who is feeling out of control, stuck in limbo or off balance is to help him to look farther down the road and make a plan of his own.

And when he does this, the immediate barrage of B.S. in his life becomes less important. He responds to the current distractions more effectively and with less drama.

He can do this because he has a stronger focus on what he is CREATING for himself than what is happening around him.

In the context of a frustrating job or struggling relationship this means you must have a CRYSTAL CLEAR PICTURE of how you plan to change the situation. You must have an inspiring vision of what you want and what you’re going to create – no matter what.

The most common word I hear men use to describe this mindset is “liberating”. They feel both free from the drama of the immediate circumstances because they feel free to focus on something brand new of their making.

What would this mean for you? What tree branches are smacking you in the head these days because you’re not looking farther ahead?

If you were CRYSTAL CLEAR about what you wanted to create, what would be your next move?

If you enjoy these kinds of conversations and if you feel a stir in your gut thinking about this, I recommend you find a group of men to share that with.

Don’t hide out and don’t think you can do this alone.

That’s where we help men get to here at Goodguys2Greatmen. That’s our passion.

We want to help you rediscover the peace and calmness of knowing exactly where you’re headed.

We want you to know that the frustration that you may feel too often right now doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define who you are or your future. You have more control than you think.

We’d love to have a conversation with you about this.

When we have a conversation, they can go 60 or 90 minutes and we cover everything that’s going on in your life. Everything she’s said, everything you’re feeling…

And what we want you to do, is walk away from this phone call, feeling like you have a glimmer of hope, that maybe the way you were thinking before the call was driving you into a pit of despair and we want to pull you out of that, at least for a day.

How do you learn how to be calm, confident even when all around you is changing?

It’s done with the help of other men who have traveled your path. You must surround yourself with men who can help you change your mindset, your perspective and, ultimately, how you FEEL ABOUT YOU.

The problem most of us have is that we have no men in our lives to talk to about this who get it, have been through it and come out the other side. We’ve got nobody we can trust to give us clear feedback and positive support and guidance.

So what’s next?

I’ve created a powerfully EFFECTIVE experience and for you that promises to give you the calm, confident, peaceful mojo you want.

The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

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Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

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While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

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We take you through a process to:

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  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
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  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
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What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

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We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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