Living the Life and Relationship You Really Want

I want to talk with you about living in the kind of life and relationship you really, really want.

I didn’t say “getting” the life you want or “having” the life you want.

What if you just DECIDED to start living the life you want right this moment?

What kind of man would you have to BE in order to make that choice?

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We seek permission – acceptance – reciprocation – validation. We wait for others to give us what we want instead of just LIVING LIKE WE WANT.

There’s a lesson here for you and I, so I made this video to explain it further.

YouTube video

This weekend I’ve been reading a lot and thinking, and I came across the idea of ‘Having the life you really want’ or ‘Getting the life that you’ve always wanted to have’.

Those words, “having” or “getting” started to play on my mind. What does it mean to have the life you want or to go get the life you want?

It implies that it’s some place to go to. It implies that you’re not there yet so you’d better just keep banging your head against the wall and keeping searching for it.  We wait for the perfect conditions where somebody might give us permission to have a happy, engaged, sexual, sensual life of connection.

What if happiness, what if connection, what if sexuality and affection wasn’t a place to go to. What if it was a place to come from?

What the hell does that mean…?

I thought of something this morning that made it clear for me. Sometimes a very simple analogy is all I need to flip a switch in my head that makes me go “Yeah, I think that that is what’s going on with me”. Maybe this is what is going on with you too…

So here’s my analogy…

My family has had a slew of golden retrievers – lots of dogs – but especially golden retrievers. I’ve had Casey, Codey and Jake, then my dad had Rusty and there was Jasper and Barley is the latest one my brother has.

You see all the commercials with the golden retriever puppies in…they were born with the most affectionate, playful, happy, connected look on their face and their energy is TOTAL non-negotiable love, connection, happiness, goofyness and playfulness.

It’s like when we’re born as children, we’re all born with the same things. We don’t have any fear at all about being affectionate, connected and happy in our own skin. We have no reason to.

Marianne Williamson said “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn”.

I think we learn to fear all kinds of things over the years which make us act less and less like a golden retriever.

Golden retrievers don’t give a sh*t.

They don’t care if you’re not happy.

They don’t care if you’re not affectionate.

They don’t care if you’re not feeling connected.

They don’t care if you’re having a bad day.

Golden retrievers DON’T GIVE A SH*T.

What if we men started to think more like that? Why don’t we believe we can behave and embody the energy of a golden retriever and become a kind man, an affectionate man, a respectful man, a considerate man, a sexual man, a hugging man, a kissing man – anything we want to become?

Why can’t we live the life of a golden retriever who doesn’t give a sh*t?

The answer is clear…we start to fear what other people will think if we’re unapologetically affectionate. We’re afraid of what they think or do. We’re afraid of rejection for our overtures of connection, touch and sexuality.

That fear builds up inside and tells us to stop acting like a young child. Stop acting like a golden retriever.

But we’re still magnetically attracted to people and animals who still act that way.

You may know some people who don’t give a sh*t right? People who actually embody that energy where they live the life they want on their terms. They’re not going anywhere to find it, they’re not waiting to have it, they’re not depending on anybody else’s mood or behavior to give them the life they want…because they’re coming from the assumption that they are already there.  Their belief is that they are already well into the process of being that person.

And that was the epiphany I had today. I still have a lot of fear about what people might think and what they might say. I still fear rejection and avoid people who are in a bad mood.  And it’s that fearful energy that makes me feel uninspired and uninspiring to the rest of the world.

I’m going to start embracing my inner Golden Retriever.

And that’s the challenge I want to give you today. Spend the next 7 days in the skin of a Golden Retriever. Kiss what you want to kiss. Hug what you want to hug. Chew up what you want to chew up. Eat what you want to eat And don’t give a shit.

Be that dog.

Be that man.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

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You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

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author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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