How To Respond To Being Called A Narcissist
Sometimes I’m just being a d*ck.
I can’t always see it coming and when I least expect it, there I am…being a d*ck.
It happens to a lot of us – even women. (yeah, they can be d*cks too!)
But I’m getting better and better at seeing the “dicky side” of myself before he gets out of hand. (no pun intended, really)
I’m talking about that slightly angry, irritated, offended or insulted part of me that just wants to “get back” at someone for pissing me off.
That’s the hardest “dickyness” to prevent. It comes out of nowhere like a reflex…like a knee-jerk reaction.
The “slow build dickyness” is a little easier to spot and prevent because you can learn to recognize the pattern.
One sure thing about being a d*ck in my relationship is this.
It never makes things better. It always results in more silence. More distance. More resentment.
And the OPPOSITE of being a d*ck always results in more connection. More play. And more intimacy.
Jeez, you’d think it would be so easy to just not be a d*ck!
But, it’s not. You have to have some advanced knowledge and advanced self-awareness to be able to observe yourself before it happens.
And you know what’s happening a LOT lately?
Run-of-the-mill dickyness is getting labeled as NARCISSISM.
If fact, most of my own dickish behavior is NOT narcissism…but it “smells” like it. Neither one is desirable, but one is much more serious than the other.
This where the confusion sets in.
What the hell is the difference between good ol’ dickish behavior and genuine Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Have YOU ever been called a narcissist?
Do you want to get advanced knowledge and advanced self-awareness about this popular accusation?
If so, here is one brand new video below and one brand new book we’ve written and released just yesterday on Amazon.
Sven Masterson and I needed to write this for OURSELVES…and I think you will enjoy reading it – for yourself!
To order your own ebook, paperback or hardcover edition of the book, just click on the cover below.
Hidden resentment is the breeding ground for disconnection. — Sue Johnson
Why is this book so important to men?
Because we CRAVE CONNECTION with the women we love.
It’s very simple.
If we want more, better and healthier connections with women, we must become the kind of men who create connection with women.
Here’s one of the many personal reflections I share in Part Eleven in the book.
For years, I thought my intelligence was helping the relationship, solving problems before they became bigger issues. But I didn’t see how I was invalidating her feelings in the process. I was so focused on winning the debate that I didn’t notice I was losing the connection.
~ Steve
There are so many of these vulnerable examples Sven and I share in the book, you just might see yourself in some of them.
That’s enough blabbing for now. I hope you enjoy the book.
Lotta love, brother,
Q: How do I know when I’m just being a d*ck versus being a narcissist?
A: A d*ck moment is emotional reactivity—it’s human, short-lived, and often followed by guilt. Narcissism is chronic self-absorption with zero empathy or accountability. If you can admit you were a jerk and genuinely want to repair things, you’re not a narcissist—you’re just learning.
Q: Why do I get defensive or angry so quickly with my partner?
A: Because you’re reacting from insecurity, not strength. It’s a reflex to protect your ego from feeling powerless. The trick is learning to pause before speaking—observe your feelings instead of obeying them. Calm awareness is the antidote to defensiveness.
Q: What happens when I act like a d*ck in my relationship?
A: Disconnection—every time. Your irritation, sarcasm, or criticism might feel justified in the moment, but it pushes her away. The more you react, the less safe she feels. The cure is humility: own it fast, repair it honestly, and do better next time.
Q: Why do women call men narcissists so often now?
A: Because the line between emotional immaturity and narcissism has gotten blurred. A man who’s unaware, dismissive, or self-focused can look narcissistic even when he’s just emotionally unskilled. The solution isn’t arguing the label—it’s growing the self-awareness to prove it wrong.
Q: How can I stop being reactive and start connecting better?
A: Practice catching yourself in real time. Notice the tension in your chest before the words come out. Breathe. Lead with curiosity instead of correction. When you trade control for connection, she feels your maturity—and your attractiveness goes through the roof.
Q: What’s the first step to repairing after I’ve been a d*ck?
A: Own it without excuses. Say, “You’re right, that was me being reactive. I get it.” Then shut up and listen. No justifications, no lectures. Genuine ownership is one of the sexiest—and rarest—forms of leadership a man can show.
Have questions about your relationship ?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
