My Wife Just Said She Wants A Divorce, What Now?

Death by Female.

That’s the tongue-in-cheek phrase I’ve adopted to describe the type of man who tends to read my newsletters.

Somehow, some way, somewhere along the way you’ve been made aware that things aren’t right. She’s not happy. She’s doesn’t talk to you or look at you like before.

Her cold, dismissive and often disrespectful attitude toward you feels like a daily dagger in the gut.

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The new friends, new tattoo, new smoking habit, new social calendar and missing wedding rings are just a few of the clues jacking with your confidence.

Then she utters, I think we need time apart. I need space. Maybe we’re not right for each other. (you can add on your own favorites).

Why do so many men (I raise my hand) live their lives so focused on doing what’s needed to keep others happy without really taking care of ourselves?

Why do we blindly keep our nose on the grindstone, providing money, support and all the things “good guys” are supposed to and still wind up oblivious to the fact our women are slowly detaching from us, the marriage and the vows we thought would protect us from this?

It’s simple.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

It’s called unconscious incompetence.

Being a great man, a great husband, a great father and a great lover are not things we learn in school. We use whatever information is passed down from the men in our lives and the social programming we’ve received along the way.

This information is highly flawed. And nobody told you.

For example, there are hundreds of experts out there trying to help you SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. Many of them claim you need counseling, communication and compromise to rebuild the connection, trust and intimacy you want.

When it comes to the stage of I love you but I’m not IN LOVE with you anymore that advice is a colossal waste of time. There is no amount of increased talking and negotiating that will help you. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

I’ve been creating hundreds of videos, articles and newsletters trying to help you understand this. At this stage of your marriage there are some very definite things you need to START doing and things you must STOP doing. I’ll get to that below.

You are not a victim of circumstances and you must quickly learn to eliminate that mindset if you want to get through this like the confident, strong, cool-headed man you are at your core.

This video is meant to help you to take your game to the next level and realize that you are the CREATOR of your future, no matter how bad things may seem now.

YouTube video

My Colorado business partner, Tim Wade, has a free ebook on his website called Turn Your Marriage Around.

He clearly and bluntly outlines, “How to STOP the Nervous and Needy Behaviors that are Making Things Worse and START Being a Confident and Attractive Man”.

Here is some of the unconventional wisdom he shares is this ebook.

  • Start becoming the kind of person YOU would like to be around all the time (and consequently who she would like to be around.)
  • Don’t use your wife’s mood as a barometer for your own. Set the tone yourself and make it upbeat and cheerful – no matter how you “feel.” You get to choose how you experience things. Don’t push or fake it. Adopt an attitude that you are resilient enough to not be pulled down by her.
  • Don’t follow your wife around like a puppy dog trying to get her attention or asking for reassurance. Don’t whine and pout to try to get her to feel sorry for you or comfort you.
  • If it feels at all like pursuing, don’t do it. Chasing her will only make her move farther away.
  • Pull a Copernicus: she is no longer the center of your universe (and she never should have been). Put things in their proper place. Get out of her orbit. Move out of her frame.
  • Make plans – go out with friends, go to church, go to a concert. Don’t wait for your wife to create a life for you. You can invite her to join if you would like but don’t act as if you’ll change your plans if she doesn’t come along.
  • Don’t call and text unless you absolutely have to. If she calls you be polite, but don’t ask questions. Keep your answers impersonal but interested. Be the one to end the conversation first.
  • Do not get angry or nasty. Do not lose your cool. Don’t be baited into a fight. Leave the room or house if you have to. Keep your response in the first person, “I’m not willing to fight with you.” Instead of “Stop trying to start a fight.”
  • Do not argue – especially about the way she feels. Don’t try to justify yourself to her.
  • You have a burning desire to know WHY? Don’t try to get her to explain it to you! She doesn’t really know, even if she says she does.
  • She may not show you any emotion during this time. Don’t let that bother you. Don’t accuse her of being an ice queen. She’s been grieving and crying longer than you can imagine.
  • You might be tempted to talk to anyone and everyone in order to get comfort, information, and support. Do not talk to her family or friends. Take It To The Men.
  • Do not point out your changes to your wife. Be consistent in your actions and let them speak for you. Show her a new, confident, fun, attractive you.
  • Take care of yourself physically. Up your personal game.
  • ESSENTIAL: Get into the company of other men who are on a path of growth.


There is so much more to learn and so much more you need to do to get your thinking straight, get your emotions under control and make clear, strong decisions.

Tim and I have been working for months on a way to give you the DEEP DIVE information you need to do this.

We coach a lot of men one-on-one to accomplish this but personal coaching isn’t possible for everyone.

So…we decided to put our years of coaching success into a “box” for you.

Our new “How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb” online course is your personal coaching intensive.

We’ve put about 8 hours of the most powerful coaching insights and advice to give you back your masculine confidence, clarity, peace of mind and the mojo you need right now.

I’ve got so much I want to say about this course. I am so proud of the quality of the content and the coaching we provide in this course. Tim and I have a deep, dark and funny way of teaching you things nobody else is talking about in ways you’ve never seen before.

In addition to 8 hours of coaching videos, we’ve also created bonus videos about infidelity, fatherhood and booze. AND I’ve recorded four separate NSFW (Not Suitable for Wife) videos where I get seriously blunt with man-to-man lessons you need to know.

If you’re feeling the “death by female” dagger in your gut there is NOTHING out there like this.

We’re so sure of it we have a 100% No B.S. refund policy.

And if you buy it and keep it after 14 days, the first TWENTY buyers will receive a free personal 60 minute coaching call after you finish the course.

We know a number of women are waiting to buy this course and that’s fine with us. However, the secret, Men Only Facebook Group will be restricted to men. The same applies to our Monthly Q&A Coaching Support meeting.

We’re committed to creating a safe space for initiated men to share this journey.

The How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb information page gives you a lot more detail. There are also 4 sample videos for your to get a feel for the course and the content.

If you want to move from focusing on the negative all the time to a more positive relationship, we would love to help you get clear on what you want as well as the next decision or action you need to take to start CREATING the life that you want.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

Books, articles and videos are great but to really make quick progress and get to a point where you’re consistently calm, confident and enthusiastic about life again you need other men who understand what you’re going through and who will challenge you to make the changes that you need to make. This is the truth that I want you to LEARN – this is the thing I had to learn first before I could grow in this way – you need other men to do this work!! Why do you think indigenous tribes have male only initiation ceremonies?? It’s incredibly powerful and life changing!

Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Come and try our coaching through our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self-realization.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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