There’s not much that stings a man quite as deeply as the rejection of our desire to connect with our intimate partners physically.
It’s the thing that separates this relationship from just being a platonic friendship.
It’s what we crave and enjoy so much.
And she enjoys it too, right!!
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So what causes her to turn away or make up any of a hundred excuses to avoid having to connect with us in that way?
I talk more about this in the video below:
“How She reacts to you is often a direct reflection of how you are being around her”
When we’re coaching a man around sex and intimacy, we will always start with the only thing he has control over – how he sees himself.
This focus influences everything we do with him for the remaining months of our coaching programs.
It’s the foundation of all the changes in his confidence and his ability to learn to lead the next 30 years of his future.
How does it relate to sex and rejection?
Well without a clear grip on your self respect and self esteem it’s almost impossible to initiate sex without coming across as needy.
Yes that needy word which we men hate to hear so much.
I’ve heard it plenty of times in the past.
There’s nothing that we men hate more than to feel weak in some area – especially this area – it can trigger all sorts of unattractive reactions in us, which then make us appear even more needy!!
Ultimately what’s behind the neediness is insecurity.
A belief that the only way we will have a life filled with fun, play, flirtation, sex and intimate connections is if this one single person decides whether we’re worthy.
It’s just not true.
But when we’re in that mode of horniness or we’re tired or feeling low, we can often go straight to the crutch of external validation, to the one person who should have our back in these low moments.
And occasionally she may take pity and give you obligation sex… I know you’ve been there, and it’s even worse than no sex at all!
When we’re being needy, nervous or tentative, we’re incredibly unattractive.
The work we do with men is NOT just to get women to like you, respect you or to find you attractive – although I know that when you understand and change yourself FOR YOU, you can find that suddenly you are liked, respected and receive more affection!
The masculine confidence coaching process we take men through makes you feel GOOD about YOU.
When you’re not outwardly tense, when you’re in control of your emotional world, when you feel emotionally confident, when you feel like you’re stable in your mojo – then you feel better about yourself.
And there is nothing more safe and more attractive than a man who feels good about himself.
That’s the bottom line.
Men will often contact us and ask “How do I earn the love and affection I want from my wife and relationship?”
The only way to earn love and affection with a woman is to CONSISTENTLY operate in a way she can trust, relax around and feel drawn to.
Love and affection are born from an environment of emotional safety and attraction to how you are being.
You are the Master and Commander of who you are being.
You get to make the rules.
You get to set the tone and standards of how you love to show up.
The 3 things to be mindful of:
1. How tense you are in your body
2. How many questions are running through your mind
3. How much you need something from outside yourself to feel better
These 3 things are the FIRST level of mindfulness I recommend if you want to create a safer, more affectionate environment.
It takes awareness of HOW you are being and an intentional effort to change.
You have to want to change for YOU and you alone.
Feeling tense, nervous and needy is a crappy way to live.
I want you to want more for yourself.
And when you do this work for yourself, it immediately starts changing the environment in your relationship.
That’s when the good stuff finally happens.
We love to help men understand how they’ve been unconsciously influencing their marriage and causing some of the intimacy frustrations they’re struggling with.
When a man gets this, it can have a huge affect on the way his wife reacts to him.
Suddenly she isn’t so tense and distant anymore.
Suddenly she starts asking to hang out more.
We often see HER initiating kisses, hugs and the deeper kinds of intimacy and sex we love to enjoy with her.
Often it’s these very subtle things that are causing their relationship to nosedive.
This is how deep we go and what we coach men through every day of the year.
And we’d love to help you through it too.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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