What is the difference between wanting her vs needing her and why is it important to know the difference? Should you state your needs? What if you always receive a negative response when you do?
My sweetheart was telling me about a friend of hers who recently broke up with her long-time partner.
The bottom line reason was around the question about feeling “needed” vs. feeling “wanted”.
Which one would you rather feel from your partner?
Personally, I like being “needed”, but only in the sense of being appreciated for my unique masculine qualities. For example, I love it when she “needs” a big, strong hug. I’m happy when she “needs” me to check out a bump in the night or a squeaky wheel on her truck. And, of course, I love being “needed” in the bedroom.
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But I don’t need to be needed. And, I don’t want to feel a desperate, insecure, neediness from any woman or man in my life.
In both romance and friendship, I want the foundation to be one of desire…or “wanting” to be together. This “wanting” is a secure and unapologetic attraction to each other and thoroughly enjoying being together. This “interdependence” is a healthy form of relationship based on mutual desire, respect and trust. Both people are emotionally secure.
Some people are so invested in being “independent” that they live in fear of connection, fear of vulnerability and fear of intimacy. They’re no fun to around. They are most self-absorbed and detached, although, some of them make good drinkin’ buddies!
And some people are so “co-dependent” that they are joined at the hip with no separate interests…no other friendships…and no other mission in life. It’s the “I don’t know where I end and you begin!” relationship. This is the energy of “neediness” I talked about above.
Co-dependent relationships normally click along just fine since both people are getting their insecure needs met. These relationships are also marked with bouts of arguing, begging, pleading and blaming as each partner struggles to get the other one to meet their “needs”.
In the video below I discuss what I believe makes a “healthy” relationship without being an independent asshole or a needy, desperate man.
How to Become a Confident, Independent Man Without Being a Selfish Asshole
Everything above in this article was meant to tell you WHAT the problem is and WHY it’s important for a healthy relationship.
If I had time to write a book, I’d explain the HOW. (wait a minute, I do have a book)
The only way to learn HOW to be a confident, independent man without being a selfish asshole is from other men who have climbed that mountain before you. Your wife can NOT teach you this!
If you want to learn more about how to be comfortable, confident and powerful in your own skin, I’d love to help show you the way. Here are 4 ways to get started:
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
