My Wife is a Feminist and Thinks Masculinity is Toxic

Toxic masculinity…toxic masculinity…toxic masculinity!

Did you get that queasy knot in your stomach yet?

Is the hair on the back of you neck tingling just a bit?

Most good men have a physical reaction to the phrase…at least a wince of discomfort when they hear it.

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And then what do they do?

Some of them waste another few hours of their day lurking around the internet getting themselves all spun up with anger and defensiveness. They will engage in emotionally charged arguments with other men and women trying say something brilliant or change someone’s mind.

The problem with this approach is that it’s entirely INEFFECTIVE.

Most of the discourse on the topic is infused with dramatic outrage, fear, blaming and shaming tactics.

And the result is a mass of people who are more agitated, more angry, more distrustful and more defensive than ever.

This creates more division and more contempt.

In other’s totally ineffective and has ZERO chance of making any real change in the short term or long term.

And the worst part?

It’s totally ineffective for the man who wants to dramatically improve his life, his marriage, his parenting and his legacy.

I believe the most effective way to create a healthier social dynamic is to create healthier INDIVIDUALS.

If we want trusting, respectful and safe relationships between men and women we must create stronger men and women of integrity, empathy and emotional maturity.

This is where you come in.

You have a specific sphere of control and influence in your life. And that’s not embroiled in wasteful arguments and finger-pointing with those outside your direct influence.

Ignore them and stop wasting time. You must focus within the boundaries of your own life experience.

This is why I’m always preaching to men, “Stay in your lane!”.

The KEY here is to actually know where your lane is and what it means for you to stay in it.

How about the lane of “Safe, Natural and Effective Masculinity”?

This is the opposite of “toxic masculinity”.

In this video I explain what this means.

YouTube video

I’ll keep this simple, as usual.

SAFE means you are emotionally mature, self-reliant and grounded in your masculinity. You’re not over-reactive, defensive or threatened by conflict. You’re unafraid of being “emasculated” or “insulted” or “offended” because you don’t accept victim status.

NATURAL means you understand that your unrattled sense of peace and well-being is your default state. It’s a place you choose to come from and not something you seek to get from others. Because of this you’re naturally approachable, kind and generous. And because of this you’re naturally curious and amused when others are not.

EFFECTIVE means you understand the value in a measured, thoughtful RESPONSE to your emotional triggers instead of an immature, boyish REACTION. You don’t need to be “right” in disagreements and you handle conflict in a way that leaves others feeling heard and understood. You clearly know what your values are and you’re unafraid to stand up for them.

Positive masculinity isn’t rocket science, but it does take a conscious effort.

It requires us to lose the baggage of childhood insecurity and to decide to own our thoughts and our choices.

You’ll never feel more liberated and more at peace as when you achieve self-reliance and detachment from the trappings of neediness and insecure competitiveness.

And that includes silly arguments on Facebook about toxic masculinity.

If you’re interested in getting more conscious and more involved in transforming your masculinity, you’ve got options.

This is all we do.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

We still have 3 spots left for the Unapologetic Masculine Confidence Retreat in the UK, April 24-27th. If you want to feel more confident, more deliberate, less edited, more open-hearted and easy going then join Dan and I for an intense shot to your system that will bring back your belief in yourself.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 60% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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