Your Willingness To Always Apologise Turns Her Off
Are you tired of saying “I’m sorry” and getting nothing in return?
A common complaint men have about women is that they never say they’re sorry…for anything…ever.
Here’s what I know about these men. I know this because I was one.
My frustration with a woman’s inability to apologize was caused by my desire for reciprocation.
In other words, I spent so much time apologizing for everything I just wanted to hear her say it back – just once!
And therein lies the curse of the apologetic husband.
The more you accept blame and apologize the more angry and frustrated you will get about her not doing the same.
What if you just stopped apologizing?
What if you decided you had nothing to apologize for?
A guy like that will never get an apology from a woman. She knows his “apologitis” (a new disease I just made up) is caused by his desire to make her like him or approve of him.
I used to apologize for everything thinking that’s what nice guys do, right?
We fall on our sword. And women should dig that. The more we apologize, the more she will think we’re honest, kind and trustworthy.
And then she’ll want sex “fer sure!”
Wrong again. To her, “apologitis” feels tremendously annoying, manipulative, unmasculine and unsexy.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How to BE the Happy, Confident Man She Fell In Love WithHow To Communicate With Your Wife When Talking Makes Her Upset
Why?
Because the only reason we are doing it is to make her like us or get her to apologize in return. It’s another one of those secret deals the “nice husband” makes to manipulate her into giving him what he wants.
And she can smell that on us at the molecular level.
Do you see now why it’s a losing proposition?
The Stupid Things We Apologize For
I want to challenge you to go “cold turkey” for 30 days. Stop apologizing for stupid things.
What stupid things, you ask? Here’s a quick list off the top of my head.
Do you make any of these apologies on a regular basis?
- Apologize for her being mad
- Apologize if she is upset about anything
- Apologize for her bad news
- Apologize for working late
- Apologize for wanting sex
- Apologize for being attracted to her
- Apologize for just wanting to help
- Apologize for being a man
- Apologize for wanting time with your friends
- Apologize for wanting affection
- Apologize for not being able to read and listen to her at the same time
- Apologize for touching or kissing her
- Apologize for waking up with a raging erection
- Apologize for not reading her mind
- Apologize for not knowing what is bothering her
You Have to Stop Saying Stuff Like This
This is what it sounds like.
“I’m sorry if this doesn’t make you happy”
“I’m sorry that me just trying to help you makes you mad”
“I’m sorry if I said something wrong”
“I’m sorry if wanting a kiss upset you”
“I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable when I initiate sex”
“I’m sorry your parents are absolutely freaking nuts and you feel like a victim and controlled by them.”
I’m not saying you should stop being a kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring and considerate man.
Do you think you would notice anymore if she wasn’t apologizing?
I think not. But that’s going to be hard, isn’t it?
That’s because some of us tend to apologize for anything and everything – even if we’ve done nothing wrong. Have you ever had a friend like that?
I’m saying you should stop with the “apologitis”. There are much better, more attractive ways to handle those issues.
The truth is you’re really not sorry for those things.
You’re just saying so because that’s what “nice husbands” do.
You’re hoping maybe she’ll say she’s sorry too. Maybe she will appreciate you more.
Don’t do that. I challenge you not to apologise for thirty days. Can you do it?
Email me and tell me how it feels.
I predict you will feel liberated.
And you just might hear your first apology from her!
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.
You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.
Photo: Matt Wu/Flickr
Q: Why do I keep apologizing but never hear “I’m sorry” back from her?
A: Because many men apologize with a hidden agenda—to get approval, calm tension, or trigger reciprocation. She feels that. Over time, your apologies stop meaning responsibility and start signaling neediness. That dynamic kills respect and makes genuine apologies from her even less likely.
Q: What’s wrong with apologizing if I’m just trying to be kind and keep the peace?
A: Kindness isn’t the problem—self-erasure is. When you apologize for things that aren’t your responsibility, you abandon self-respect. That creates resentment in you and irritation in her. A man who’s constantly sorry doesn’t feel safe or grounded—he feels uncertain and approval-seeking.
Q: What is “apologitis,” and how is it hurting my marriage?
A: “Apologitis” is the habit of apologizing to manage her emotions or make her like you. It’s a covert contract: “If I say sorry enough, I’ll be loved.” She senses the manipulation, even if you don’t. It’s unmasculine, unsexy, and exhausting for both of you.
Q: What should I stop apologizing for right now?
A: Stop apologizing for being a man—wanting sex, affection, time with friends, working late, or not reading her mind. Those aren’t moral failures. Replace fake apologies with clarity, empathy, or silence. Responsibility only matters when you’ve actually done something wrong.
Q: Won’t stopping my apologies make things worse or start more conflict?
A: Usually the opposite happens. When you stop unnecessary apologies, you reclaim self-respect and emotional steadiness. That changes the tone instantly. You’re no longer negotiating your worth. Many men report feeling calmer—and ironically, that’s when they finally hear her apologize.
Q: What should I do instead of apologizing when she’s upset?
A: Offer presence without self-blame. Try: “I see you’re upset,” or “I want to understand what’s going on.” That’s empathy, not submission. You stay connected without abandoning yourself. That balance—compassion plus backbone—is what restores respect and attraction.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
