Dealing With PTSD From Your Wife’s Affair?
Do you feel like you’re dealing with PTSD symptoms from your wife’s affair? It’s sadly a very common experience many men are struggling through, managing the triggers and overwhelming feelings of your wife cheating or from her lack of care, consideration and honesty. So what can you do? How do we help men with this very real and painful period in their lives?
Feeling Triggered By PTSD From Your Wife’s Affair
Every single man in my community is painfully aware of what “Marital PTSD” means.
It’s that gutted feeling of loss, sadness and fear.
And just like in war, some of us recover and move on and some of us don’t.
What’s the difference between these two guys?
It’s our ability to see deeper into the GIFT being offered.
And it’s the determination to NOT ALLOW the circumstances to own us while we rise from the ashes like the Phoenix.
I call this Post-Traumatic Growth or PTG.
Marital Post-Traumatic Growth
Every single man we work with eventually reaches a vantage point and perspective where he sees everything differently.
Other articles you may find helpful:
The KEY To Improving Intimacy In MarriageFemale Rejection: How to Lose Your Fear in 2014
And it’s with these new “glasses” that he can finally see the gift, the growth and the POSSIBILITIES of how he will move forward.
Once he gains a new perspective, he is able to experience PTG.
Watch this video for a little more detail.
Could Divorce Ever Be a Gift? (it depends on your perspective)
“When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”~ Viktor E. Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning
Allow me to say this as plainly as possible. No more lofty quotes.
After the shell shock of hearing “I want space.” or “I’m not in love with you.” or “I think we need to divorce.” is over, you have only ONE effective choice to make.
That choice is to learn something and grow from it.
Experiencing PTSD After Her Affair Is Common With Men
I know your first instinct is to scream, argue, analyze, investigate and FIX things so you can get back to your regularly scheduled program.
Here’s a message from the Emergency Broadcast System:
It’s too late. You’re already into a new program. The old program has been canceled.
The next questions are always WHAT should I do? And HOW can I see this in any other way than total devastation??
You could write a book to answer those questions. Actually, I did.
Let me give you the CliffNotes version in this next paragraph.
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No More Sex. No more Patience?How To Make Your Wife Feel Safe To Be Intimate Again
What You Should Be Doing And How
- You should step back and stop what you’re doing right now. Just stop.
- Release all pressure including angry outbursts, accusations, arguing and those long, deep, heavy conversations.
- Find at least ONE initiated man who has already been in this war and emerged victoriously and talk with him regularly.
- Take a deeeep breath and begin a spiritual journey of knowing ALL good things in your life will come from leaning into discomfort and looking for the gift and opportunity.
- Decide you WILL learn from this and figure out how to change yourself in the face of unchangeable circumstances.
- BELIEVE deep in your heart that you’re okay at this moment and you will be okay…no matter what happens.
That last one is especially important and especially difficult for many men.
They have no basis for this belief and, therefore, no ability to even imagine being “okay” in any other scenario than the one they were expecting.
In coaching, we are able to DIVE MUCH DEEPER into those expectations and those insecure feelings of abandonment, rejection and emotional evisceration. As I mention in the video, a man can reach a vantage point in this process that LIBERATES him from those feelings.
Sadness? Yes. Guilt? Yep. Regret? Almost certainly.
But shame, suffering and illusions of devastation are a CHOICE.
And therein lies the big secret.
Change Your Thoughts And You Will Change Your Reality
If a man crashed into you on the street would your feelings change if you realized he was blind? What really changed? YOUR THINKING. PTSD after her affair can put your confidence on eggshells. Looking through the “new glasses” of clarity can free you. Dan Dore and I would love you to join us at that vantage point. The view here is awesome.
If you don’t want to do this all by yourself, here are some great options for you:
You can choose to join me and Dan Dore in the GG2GM Live Men’s Roundtable. We meet twice a month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful secret Facebook group of 80 men. It’s a $69 investment. Try it for one month. Bet you can’t do just one month!
You can confront your fear of asking for help and ask for a free consultation call to dive long and deep into what you want and get some immediate ideas on how to create that.
So…let me ask you two questions.
What are you THINKING right now?
What OTHER thoughts are actually more true and more empowering for you?
P.S. If you haven’t yet read my book, Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband you can find it HERE.
Q: Why do I feel like I have PTSD after my wife’s affair? Is this normal?
A: It’s completely normal. “Marital PTSD” is the shock, grief, fear and gut-punched feeling that shows up after betrayal. Your nervous system is trying to make sense of emotional evisceration. Many men experience triggers, panic and obsession — and every one of them can heal with the right mindset and support.
Q: How do I stop the overwhelming triggers that come from my wife cheating?
A: First, stop trying to fix, argue or analyze your way through the pain. Step back. Release pressure. Get support from at least one man who’s been through this war and came out stronger. You can interrupt marital PTSD triggers by creating emotional space and shifting your thinking, not by chasing answers from her.
Q: Why does her affair feel like total devastation, and how can I see this differently?
A: Because you’re still looking through the “old glasses” — the worldview where your identity depended on her honesty, her affection, and your marriage staying intact. PTG (post-traumatic growth) begins when you put on new glasses and see the gift: the opportunity to grow, evolve and reclaim your strength.
Q: What should I actually DO right now to cope with PTSD after her affair?
A: Stop the long, heavy conversations. Stop the angry outbursts. Stop the pressure. Breathe. Lean into discomfort. Look for the gift in the ashes. Decide you WILL learn something powerful from this. Talk regularly with an initiated man who already survived this hell. And believe — even if you don’t feel it yet — that you will be okay.
Q: How do I rebuild my confidence when I feel abandoned, rejected and not enough?
A: You start by understanding that shame and devastation are optional — they are thoughts, not facts. Confidence grows when you stop letting circumstances own you. When you change your thoughts, you change your reality. PTG happens the moment you decide to grow instead of crumble.
Q: Can divorce or betrayal ever become a gift? How?
A: Yes — depending on your perspective. You can let PTSD from your wife’s affair define you…or you can see it as the catalyst for becoming the man you were meant to be. Many men reach a vantage point where they feel freedom, clarity and strength they never knew before. That’s the gift.
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