Have you ever uttered these words under your breath?

“Look at her just kissing, rubbing and loving on that dog. He’s getting more of her happy, affectionate attention than I’ve gotten in two months. “

Maybe not those exact words, but I think you know what I’m talking about.

If you’ve ever been in that cold, dark, barren “friend zone” with your wife you know what I mean.

It’s that constant feeling of rejection and emptiness…just hoping for one little show of attention or affection. And when you see her happily give it to anyone or anything but you the downward spiral of anger and resentment starts.

Damn dog. What’s he have that you don’t have?

Brace yourself. This hurt me too when I realized it.

That damn dog had more of a life than I did.

Does your dog have a more interesting and satisfying life than you?

If so, that’s why it’s so easy for her to give him all the affection she wants. He’s already good. He loves the attention, but it’s not the only thing on his mind for the day. There’s zero risk that he’s going to demand more from her.

Watch this quick video to find out what I’m talking about.

 

Have you ever seen a woman get all baby-talky and googoo eyed and gooshy mooshy with a dog, rub it’s belly, kiss all over it and just love it to death?

And have you ever been in a mood where you said to yourself “This is bullshit. This dog is getting more attention than I do.”

How can she be so happy, so loose and so relaxed with the dog and yet I don’t get any of that?

Have you ever thought that before?

If you’re feeling starved for affection, attention or any type of appreciation, closeness or intimacy with your romantic partner and you see her giving it to everybody but you, you ask yourself why.

Usually this is because she is giving her attention to places and things and people that are safer than you are.

What I mean by safer is that she can pet the dog, rub the dog and love the dog because she knows that the dog has a life. Then the dog will get up and walk away, lick it’s balls, run around, find a bone, chew something, roll on it’s back, sleep or whatever – the dog has a lot of things to do besides getting loved on by her.

BUT, when we’re in that position of feeling empty and we need touch, we want attention, affection, appreciation or intimacy, what happens is that the ONLY energy we give off is one of neediness.

I need you to touch me.

I need you to love me.

I need you to kiss me.

If you do that then I’ll relax.

And then I’ll get even CLOSER.

Which highlights the fear that a lot of women have. That if they show us any appreciation when we’re in that needy mode, we’re just going to hold on tighter and expect more and more and more.

It’s like a cup with a hole in it. When you start filling it, it just keeps draining out and you can never top it off.

If a woman feels that there’s no amount of attention, affection or intimacy that she can give you that’s going to fill you up…she won’t even start.

She’ll certainly find other places to give it.

Like the dog.

“You’ll never be more approachable and attractive as when you appear to others as loving your own life.” ~ Me

This is true at work. It’s true when making friends. It’s true when building a business.

And it’s true in your committed relationship.

However, many of us begin to use our committed relationship and partner as our safe house for whining, complaining and begging for attention. It’s a place where we play smaller and it begins to be the only “life” we can imagine.

No wonder so many of us men become unhappy, clingy, needy shells of the man we used to be. And no wonder we can end up resenting the damn dog for having more game than we do!

What’s the answer to getting a life BIGGER than your dog?

Make a decision to take care of yourself.

Most men don’t even know what that means. They don’t prioritize their health, their desires, their passions or their dreams.

Most men are too busy operating to someone else’s agenda for what it means to be a “good guy” and are getting exhausted trying to please everyone but themselves.

What would you do with your life if you knew you couldn’t fail? What interest and passion have you put on the back burner? What new skill or adventure have you talked yourself out of every year for the last ten years?

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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