Defensiveness A leading Cause Of Divorce

I’m about to give you four ways to instantly have a better weekend. I’ll also talk in the video further down how defensiveness is one of the “four horsemen” indicating the end of a relationship. Everything changes when you realize how to take your power back in a healthy mature way.

It’s Not All About You

One of the most uncomfortable ways to go through life and relationship is to BELIEVE EVERTHING IS ABOUT YOU.

This leads us to believe everything that happens outside of us is personal.

And THAT leads us to believe that we need to defend ourselves.

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We must strike back.

We must defend our honor and get even!

Defensiveness In Relationships Compared To Driving

I’m a…ummm…”assertive” driver.

I drive a bit faster than most. I anticipate slow drivers, change lanes and make quick decisions. And when I’m in an anxious state of mind and I can downright childish. (anybody relate?)

The late comedian, George Carlin, brought my attention to this issue with this epic quote.

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

I suppose all that leaves on the highway is me. Hmmm…

Driving is the best place for me to practice the art of not giving a flip about what is happening outside of my own vehicle.

The only possible way somebody else’s driving habits can make me anxious, angry or judgmental is if I believe their behaviors are somehow about me.

The most empowering, effective and attractive mindset a man can have in his life and relationship is the realization that nothing outside of him is in charge of his inside.

And when it comes to topic of a happy, loving, intimate relationship, this ONE THING can immediately change your weekend.

4 Steps to a Better Weekend

  1. Decide that nothing is personal
  2. Pause yourself, listen and stay in your lane
  3. Refuse to counter-attack and defend yourself
  4. Assume the best in the other driver (you know…her)

In this video I talk about WHY DIVORCE IS SO PREDICTABLE in a relationship plagued by defensiveness.

(I spent 2 hours trying to make this video right side up…really. Guess you’ll have to turn your device upside down)

YouTube video


She Can’t Trust A Defensive Man

Guys always ask this question.

“Why is it so much easier for me to stay grounded, confident and secure with everyone else but my wife?!”

When we drill down to the very bottom of the issue, he decides that she has a very special power…a power nobody has over him.

And that is the power to hurt him.

It’s not physical harm.

It’s emotional harm. It’s the hurt of rejection. The hurt of abandonment. And the hurt of being a failure.

It’s the worst kind of hurt for many of us. It makes us over-reactive and defensive.

And we handed her that power early in the relationship…and she knows it.

She doesn’t WANT to use it. She doesn’t want it…period.

But when she sees our fearful and angry reactions to her, she knows.

And when she sees that insecurity rearing it’s ugly head again and again, her ability to trust and feel safe begins to dwindle.

Your Challenge Is Learning How To Take Your Power Back

This is the power of self-assurance, self-approval and self-respect.

You can drop defensiveness when you stop taking things personally and assume the best of others. Having quality men in your life is important. They can challenge you to stay in your own emotional lane of calm, relaxed self-validation.

Are you ready to face the challenge?

Let’s do it together.

Click this link to go to the Contact page on my site.

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  • Be honest. Be thorough.
  • Let us show you something you didn’t expect.
  • No strings. No sales pitch.

That’s a promise.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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