Is Your Marriage Worth Saving? Or Can YOU Save It?

What you can do instead of trying to save a marriage you don’t want

There are some things just not worth fighting for.

And one of those is a marriage totally devoid of the most basic elements of an intimate relationship.

Why would you fight for a marriage full of disrespect?

Why would you hold on to a relationship where kindness is held in contempt?

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Why would you want to save a romantic partnership without even the smallest crumbs of affection?

Yet, many of the unhappily married men I meet are doing just that. They are desperately clinging on to their crumbling marriage and clutching their disconnected partner with a death grip. And it’s making matters worse every day.

You’re Not Gonna Die

I’m here to tell you that you won’t die. It’s okay to let go. In fact, you will actually start to thrive when you learn to stop fighting for the wrong things.

You’ve been fighting to save a relationship full of all the things you don’t want. That relationship is not worth saving!

I’m not talking about divorce. I’m talking about letting this version of your life and marriage die.

Only then will you be able to gather the clarity, confidence and strength to fight for what you really do want. And, hopefully, you can create that with her…if she wants the same things.

You’ll never get the good things you want in your relationship until you drop the bad things which have gotten you to this point.

And, no, you do not need anyone’s help to do this. Not even hers.

Three Clues it’s Time to Let This Marriage Die

It’s painful to watch men struggling to save something they don’t even want. The reason they do this is because they don’t know how to create what they do want.

Here are the top three clues your current marriage situation must be allowed to die.

  1. You don’t treat each other with respect
  2. You don’t treat each other with kindness
  3. You don’t give each other emotional or physical affection

Admit it. You don’t want any of those any longer.

You hate it when you feel it from her and you hate it when you feel it coming from yourself.

You may think it’s impossible to let those things die if she won’t play along. You may think you’re doomed to a disrespectful, mean-spirited, unaffectionate life.

And you would be wrong. You can create whatever the hell it is you want and you don’t need anybody’s cooperation or permission to do this

How?

You make the incredibly simple decision that, starting today – not tomorrow – that you are a man of respect, kindness and affection.

There. Done. Easy-peasy.

Now… start acting that way.

Begin creating what you want by consistently modeling what you want.

Quit blaming anyone else in the world for you not being a respectful, kind and affectionate man who lives a respectful, kind and affectionate life!

What a Respectful, Kind, Affectionate Man Looks Like

You don’t have to tell me how hard this is going to be. This would be simple if you didn’t have someone living with you who may not trust or believe that you’re actually a respectful, kind, affectionate man.

And when someone doesn’t trust or believe you are who you think you are, sometimes you’ll agree with them.

Don’t do that. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself.

Without that, you’re sunk no matter what happens.

Here are some examples of what it might look like when you trust and believe in yourself.

Respect

  • Be more calm and deliberate when speaking. Check your emotions. Listen and respond.
  • Try to understand more than you need to be understood. Patience. Lose urgency in being “right”.
  • Lose your agenda for what you think she should be giving you. Give first – receive second.
  • Support her as an individual before you try to hold her accountable for being your perfect partner.
  • Respectful men communicate from a place of love and empathy – consistently.

Kindness

  • Make kindness and consideration a choice from your heart – not part of a subliminal negotiation.
  • Empathize with her bad moods and feelings, but you don’t have to copy them.
  • Be fearless in saying kind things and doing kind deeds. Kind men don’t care if their kindness is welcomed or not.
  • Respond to conflict with an unwavering intention of kindness. Consistency creates trust.
  • Kind men don’t require others to be kind to them because kind men don’t give a f*ck.

Affection

  • Give compliments, hugs, kisses, pats, touches and mushy-mushy talk at will. Learn to enjoy your affectionate nature without requiring it first from others.
  • Fearlessly show appreciation and gratitude without expectations.
  • Boldly invite her into intimacy of all types without expectations. “No” is always her option but affectionate men don’t allow “No’s” to shut down their affectionate nature.
  • Allow your sensual interactions to remain sensual. Show some restraint as you milk the sweetness of non-sexual intimacy. All-day-foreplay is an end in itself.
  • Be shamelessly proud of your masculine sexuality and your desire for her. Affectionate men never apologize for desiring their woman.

Why This is so Hard for Men

I know reading list after list of what to do better can be annoying.

It’s annoying because if it was that simple to create a respectful, kind and affectionate relationship you’d be doing it by now.

Why is it so hard for us men to do?

Because we don’t know exactly how to do it.

Couple that with a few decades of shame, guilt and fear…I may as well be telling you how to fly an F-15 in 3 easy steps.

But it’s really not that hard once you learn to trust and believe in yourself.

Most of us were never taught how to be self-reliant, confident, unapologetic men. So, when we make our attempts at being respectful, kind and considerate we come across as uncertain, tentative and weak.

It’s that fearful energy that creates all of our problems.

It’s impossible to create anything we want when we’re operating from fear.

We fear what people will think, say or do.

We fear not getting the outcome we want.

We fear the consequences of being who we really want to be.

We fear not being loved any more – maybe forever.

If you want to create a whole new version of your life and marriage, your first order of business is to face and then conquer these fears.

Men who do this work quickly find out they can create whatever they want.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Photo Ryan Tackett/Flickr

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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