Why is My Wife so Cold and Distant?

I’ll just say it and get it over with.

Women can be a lot like horses.

It sounds innocent enough but I’ve gotten a lot of crap over comparing women to animals. It’s a metaphor, for Pete’s sake. (actually it’s a simile for you grammar freaks)

A woman once told me, “You guys are like dogs. A kind word, a good meal and rub on the belly every now and then and you’re good to go. Simple bastards!”

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Hell yes, sister! Now you’ve got it. Most of us can go without food or water for week with just one “You’re such a good boy!” show of appreciation.

So, I don’t apologize for using horses to make my point about women

What’s my point?

In general, women spend MUCH more of their day evaluating risks, looking over their shoulder and avoiding anything that could put them in physical danger or emotional discomfort.

Just like horses.

Horses are prey animals…dogs are predators.

In general, when it comes to the heterosexual romantic, intimate and sexual dance women are more concerned about safety… men are more concerned with conquest.

This is one of the most important insights every horse trainer is taught right up front. And if they don’t understand this or just aren’t interested in this fact, they will face nothing but frustration their entire life trying to get along with horses.

Most of them will quit…and the rest end up beating up horses for a living trying to “break them”.

This video explains more graphically what I want you to know about how women think and feel sometimes.


Now. Back to you.

I probably don’t need to type much more because I know you’re a smart guy and you’ve already figured out where I’m going with this.

You are most likely in a committed, monogamous, intimate and sexual relationship with one woman. Let’s just focus on that.

Her daily sense of safety, security and emotional well-being is challenged from many angles. Her childhood, her parents, her friends, Cosmo and Facebook are all badgering her.

Even her past experiences with other men and your last few years together give her enough DATA to tell her she’s not safe, she’s not loved and she’s not good enough.

Have you ever felt like that? I bet you have and that’s called empathy. You don’t have to be her in order to understand how that feels.

The Big Problem

The big problem is that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to have true compassion if we are suffering from the same affliction.

If you are feeling unsafe, unloved and not enough of a man…you’re pretty much screwed in giving her what she needs.

Some therapists think this requires both people to jointly learn about each other’s insecurities and wounds so they can help nurture each other back to safety, connection and intimacy.

The big problem is this almost never happens simultaneously.

And in a stale, troubled marriage that’s locked up in limbo land, there’s only one thing that can help.

ONE of you needs to find your way back to your natural state.

Brother, your natural state is well-being.

Your default state is calm, confident, clear-headed, self-respecting and safe.

It’s a silly smirk you feel inside yourself that says you’re okay. And because you’re okay, you can generously empathize with others without feeling threatened or intimidated.

Sadly, nearly every man I talk to in the beginning is suffering from feelings of fear, threat and intimidation in his relationship.

And as you know, I don’t let him spend much time blaming someone else. He created that monster.

He “thought” his way into this mess and he can think his way back out of it and into a brand new reality.

I’m hoping this is the year you decide to create your new reality.

Here are some ways I can help you start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

If you want to get serious about becoming a man who knows he is going to live a life filled with happiness, connection, joy and meaning, we want to speak with you personally. We want to spend at least an hour at first to hear your voice, learn about your dreams and coach you through some of the barriers in front of you.

On this call we can offer you immediate tips to change what you’re dealing with right now. This will make you feel calmer…stronger…and more relaxed and measured every day over the holidays. We can give you details about the options you have for going deeper to transform yourself and current reality.

Click HERE to go to the application for your free consultation. We want to know some things about you first and will schedule the call right away.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Our UK retreat from 24th – 27th April this year is now 50% full – we’ll be diving deep into what it means to be a masculine confident man and how to lead yourself and your relationships with others . What makes a woman desire a man and other men trust him? If it sounds like something that might interest you, find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 90% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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