How Logic Short Circuits The Connection In Your Marriage
I’ve got a LOT of clients who are IT professionals, engineers, doctors, lawyers and other techie types who are apparently misunderstanding something I teach.
I’m no exception.
I was in computer manufacturing, engineering and project management for 20 years. And when it came to those skills helping me in my world of love, marriage and sex…well…let’s say it didn’t serve me well.
Why?
Because my professional background beat into my head the only way of effectively communicating was with cool rational thought, confident and logical speech and unwavering attention to facts and consistency.
Being perceived as smart and being RIGHT was always my top of mind priority.
How does this work in your love life?
It doesn’t – unless you’re sleeping with your clone.
Remember Lilith Sternin – Frazier’s wife on Cheers? Yeah. If you married to her you’re fine. Stop reading. (this whole clip cracks me up!)
Don’t take to extremes my advice about being “Calm, Deliberate and Pleased”.
Taken to extremes we act like robotic, stiffs who have no ability to connect emotionally.
Being calm is good. Being aloof is not.
Being deliberate in your actions is good. Acting like Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) is not.
And being pleased with who you are is good. Self-righteous smugness is not.
The most powerful and attractive you’ll ever be is when you balance your masculine strength of calm, deliberate presence with the human strength of emotional confidence and vulnerability.
It’s a potent cocktail and it’s a wonderful place to find yourself.
Pickup artists teach men how to fake this so they can manufacture respect and get laid.
I teach men how to transform themselves so they will respect themselves and be confident as they change their circumstances.
It’s only the truly self-reliant, self-respecting confident man who is naturally secure in his own skin. He doesn’t go looking for happiness – he IS happiness.
Big difference.
Are you ready to really learn how to handle your wife‘s emotions, where you make her feel understood AND you still feel confident in yourself at the same time?
Below are some options for you to get started right away…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why doesn’t logic work in my relationship the way it does at work?
A: Because your wife doesn’t want a PowerPoint presentation — she wants connection. Logic solves problems; emotion builds trust. Calm presence is attractive, but when you remove warmth and vulnerability, you become unrelatable. Connection beats correctness every time.
Q: How can I stay calm without coming across as cold or detached?
A: Calm doesn’t mean emotionless. It means grounded. Look her in the eyes, breathe slowly, and let your tone stay soft but steady. When she feels your steadiness and your heart at the same time, she relaxes — and so do you.
Q: What’s the difference between confidence and arrogance in a man?
A: Confidence says, “I’m good with who I am.” Arrogance says, “I’m better than you.” Real masculine strength is humble, curious, and self-assured. You can lead with authority and empathy — that’s what makes your presence irresistible.
Q: Why does my wife get more upset when I try to reason with her?
A: Because reasoning isn’t what she needs in the heat of emotion — resonance is. Instead of fixing, just listen. Say, “I get that,” or “That sounds painful.” She’ll feel understood, and once her heart softens, reason will have a place.
Q: How do I show vulnerability without looking weak?
A: Vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s honesty without apology. You’re saying, “Here’s where I’m human, but I’m still solid.” A man who owns his truth without collapsing into shame becomes both trustworthy and magnetic. Women feel safe with that man.
Q: What’s the right balance between being calm, deliberate, and emotionally open?
A: Think of it as strength with soul. Too calm, and you look robotic. Too emotional, and you look reactive. The sweet spot is presence — calm in your body, emotion in your voice, warmth in your eyes. That’s real masculine power.
Have questions about your relationship, ?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
