Some guys consistently create their own pain and they don’t even know it.
How’s that, you say?
I mean they manufacture drama, conflict and tension by trying to protect their ego’s need to “be right”.
It’s that insecure, indignant part of us who needs show other people the error of their ways.
I came so close to doing this yesterday I almost jumped off the emotional cliff by pummeling a body shop with my anger and frustration.
My 2002 truck was in for hail damage and a general face-lift for THIRTY DAYS when they had promised to be done in 14 days – tops.
My issue is less about the time it took than it is about their colossal lack of customer service, organization and professionalism.
I spent a lot of my former career worrying about those things on a daily basis; therefore, I can (or my ego can) fancy myself quite the authority on these matters.
In this video, I explain what happened yesterday when I went to finally pick it up.
In the heat of the moment, I had to decide how I wanted to create the rest of my day.
Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?
This applies to everything in life whether it’s a marriage or any interaction with other people.
So when I’d been waiting for my truck to come back from the body shop for thirty days, listening to them hemming and hawing, not answering their phone, saying it was done and then that it wasn’t done, changing the price, changing everything – well finally I show up there yesterday and it’s a mess! The office is a mess, they don’t know what I owe them, they can’t find the insurance checks…it was the most unprofessionally run thing I’ve ever seen!
I found my temperature going up, my blood pressure going up and I wanted to be right. They were telling all this stuff about when they notified me of this, or how much that cost, they didn’t even understand the concept of an insurance deductible! And I found myself wanting to explain all of that to them but really what I wanted was to be done with this conversation and the days of messing around with an incompetent company.
They actually did a good job with my sixteen year old truck – I’m pretty happy with the work that they did – but man were they a pain in the butt to deal with!
When I was there in the office, they were throwing their hands up in confusion, frustration and it was like a circus of questions about who owed who what and so I said, “Stop! I don’t care about who’s right or who’s wrong. How about 300 bucks?”
And they said, “What do you mean?”
So I said “Lets just raise it by 300 bucks and I’ll pay you that now and we’ll be done with this. It’s closing time, you can go home, I’ll go home – everybody is happy!”
Then they felt bad and said “well you don’t have to do that.”
So I said “OK, well let’s just split it then – I’ll give you 150 bucks extra.”
They did a little more head scratching and then said “OK.”
I could have been there another hour trying to justify everything they’ve done wrong and whine about how they’ve treated me, how they wouldn’t answer their phone, blah blah blah.
Instead I just said to myself, I don’t need to be right here, I’d rather be happy.
And so I was.
I drove off, got back home and now I’m a whole lot happier than I was yesterday.
So that’s what I want you to get from this article today…where in your life are you putting in more effort to be right, than to be happy?
What battles are you fighting that don’t need to be fought?
Where are you trying to use your intellect, your justification and your excellent historical memory to make somebody else wrong so that you can be right?
I highly advise that you put your efforts into being happy rather than being right. You don’t need to win every argument. Most of them are about stupid stuff anyway.
I know it can be painful. I know exactly how hard it can be when all you are doing is wanting to be right when somebody else is being a jerk.
If you can find a way to let it go, I promise you that you’ll find that happiness is so much more important!
I don’t want to complicate this topic.
It’s not rocket science.
Here’s my #1 tip for you to improve your mood and overall happiness.
Stop trying to convince other people they are wrong and that you are right.
Unless you’re arguing with your surgeon about what body part he’s removing, it’s probably a COMPLETE WASTE OF YOUR TIME.
Think about that.
What other things do you have to do or think about that are MORE IMPORTANT than winning this argument?
What priorities have you made in your life that need your attention more than you need to be right?
In that slight PAUSE between shutting your mouth and jumping off the emotional cliff…ask yourself those questions.
And if the incident involves your relationship with a woman, choosing to be happy instead of right will always make you say something more productive and attractive than what you were about to say.
Just sayin’. Give it some thought.
How can you have rock solid confidence and self-respect to be able to choose happiness even when you’re in the middle of a disagreement?
That’s where we help men get to here at Goodguys2Greatmen. That’s our passion.
We want to help you rediscover the peace and calmness of knowing exactly how you want to respond to situations.
We want you to know that the frustration that you may feel too often right now doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define who you are or your future. You have more control than you think.
We’d love to have a conversation with you about this.
When we have a conversation, they can go 60 or 90 minutes and we cover everything that’s going on in your life. Everything she’s said, everything you’re feeling…
And what we want you to do, is walk away from this phone call, feeling like you have a glimmer of hope, that maybe the way you were thinking before the call was driving you into a pit of despair and we want to pull you out of that, at least for a day.
How do you learn how to be calm, confident and argument proof?
It’s done with the help of other men who have traveled your path. You must surround yourself with men who can help you change your mindset, your perspective and, ultimately, how you FEEL ABOUT YOU.
The problem most of us have is that we have no men in our lives to talk to about this who get it, have been through it and come out the other side. We’ve got nobody we can trust to give us clear feedback and positive support and guidance.
So what’s next?
I’ve created a powerfully EFFECTIVE experience and for you that promises to give you the calm, confident, peaceful mojo you want.
The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.
Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
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We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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