How to Find Optimism After Divorce Pain
Do you ever wonder how we come up with so many different ideas to talk about with you?
It’s because we’re talking to men around the world 7 days a week. And we go deep!
There is no end to new “Ah-has”, “Holy craps” and what I like to call “Lightbulb Moments”. And, the 2×4 of clarity is a good one too.
Here’s one from this week.
It came from a man who has been through the wringer in a tough separation and divorce. He’s faced the typical battles of sleeplessness, weight loss, guilt, shame, an angry wife…and a kid that won’t talk to you.
We’ve been working together since April and this week he told me his Lightbulb Moment.
It may not seem like a huge deal to you. Or you may be in a place where you’re just not ready to hear it. But here it is.
When you’re in your stinkin’ thinkin’…there is no future.
Boom!
Like most of us, he was having trouble imagining ANY kind of positive future.
All he could see was darkness. No light. No fun. No laughter. No peace. No relationships. No joy.
And his incredibly clear, powerful and SIMPLE realization was that he had “thought” himself into a reality that wasn’t even true.
Let me explain this a little more clearly in the video. This is important stuff.
Whatever you decide to think…you get to be right!
Many guys going through divorce stay stuck in stinkin’ thinkin’ for a long time. Do any of these sound familiar?
- This is horrible.
- I feel devastated.
- How could she?
- My life is going to suck!
- Women can’t be trusted!
- I feel like such a failure.
If this is what you constantly think…then you’ll trick yourself into BELIEVING it’s all true.
And…you get to be right. Do you WANT to be right about that?
But, what if you’re believing something that isn’t even true?
Even if you THINK it’s true…what if it’s not?
What if you decided to believe in something else?
What if you could get your mojo back and remember who you really are?
What if you had a 2×4 to the head moment of realizing that somewhere in this shit show is a gift you never saw?
Sometimes, all you need to start thinking differently is a powerful conversation with someone who has been in your shoes.
Believe it or not, we find it incredibly enjoyable. Why?
Because sitting with you when your lightbulbs start coming on is the most satisfying experience in the world!
If you’re ready for something a little more intense and personal , we have been where you are brother and we have options to help guide you toward a better future…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know being called needy is serious
- And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 6 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$497 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
If divorce has you convinced your future is dead, you need a better conversation than the one in your own head.
You may be sleepless, ashamed, angry, lonely, and scared your life will never feel good again. A man can think himself into a dark corner and call it reality. At Goodguys2Greatmen, you’ll talk with men who know that place and can help you find the stronger man still standing inside it.
Talk to a coach →Q: How do I find optimism after divorce pain?
A: You find optimism after divorce pain by questioning the dark story your mind keeps repeating about your future. Pain can make you believe your life will always be lonely, bitter, or broken. That doesn’t make it true. A better future starts when you stop treating every hopeless thought like a prophecy.
Q: Why do I feel like there is no future after my marriage ends?
A: You feel like there is no future after your marriage ends because your thinking has shrunk your world down to the pain in front of you. Divorce can steal sleep, confidence, appetite, and peace. It can also make tomorrow look impossible. The truth is you can’t see the whole road from inside the wreckage.
Q: What does stinkin’ thinkin’ mean during divorce?
A: Stinkin’ thinkin’ during divorce means you keep feeding yourself thoughts that make the pain feel permanent. “My life is over,” “women can’t be trusted,” and “I’m a failure” may feel honest, but they can trap you. Whatever you keep choosing to think, your mind will start gathering proof for it.
Q: Is it normal to feel like a failure after divorce?
A: It’s normal to feel like a failure after divorce, but that feeling doesn’t get to define who you are. A marriage ending can hit a man in his pride, faith, fatherhood, and identity. Still, failure is not your name. It’s a painful chapter you can learn from without living there forever.
Q: What if I don’t believe anything good can come from this?
A: If you don’t believe anything good can come from this, start by admitting that your current thinking may not be telling the whole truth. You don’t have to fake happiness. You do have to leave room for the possibility that this mess contains a gift, a lesson, or a stronger version of you.
Q: Why does talking to another man help after divorce?
A: Talking to another man helps after divorce because he can see the lie in your thinking when you can’t. A good conversation with someone who’s been there can become the 2×4 of clarity you needed. He won’t erase the pain, but he can remind you there’s still life, laughter, peace, and strength ahead.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
