How to Build Self Confidence That Won’t Shake
We want to dive into the difficult topic of being with someone who is suffering deep wounds or emotional anguish.
For an interesting primer, click the link below to read the short story from the book “How to Know a Person”:
How To Know A Person Excerpt
Here are some discussion points:
- Why it’s so uncomfortable when someone else is NOT comfortable
- How to help without smothering or excess “care taking”
- What they need most and why it’s so hard to give it to them
- How to let go of your need for control and certainty
- The FEAR of nothing changing…ever!
This is going to be a great conversation! If you’re looking for a new mindset to keep moving forward, you’ll love this Roundtable session!
If this call sounds interesting to you, join our Men’s Roundtable here.
(You’ll also gain access to 6 years of recorded previous group coaching sessions and our private Facebook community).
So there I was…at the top of a mountain trying to square up the foundation poles for a He Shed/She Shed.
I’m becoming one of those “old guys” now who patiently and painstakingly measures twice and cuts once.
I’ve become absolutely laser focused on getting the important things right because I know that without a square floor this shed will fight me every step of the way.
I’ll make mistakes – no doubt about that.
But it won’t be because I started out with a freaking trapezoid for a floor!
I still take short cuts that result in me smashing my finger between an actual rock and a hard place.
A little blood helps make the project memorable.
So allow me to get to my point and, yes, I do have one.
First watch this video where I get practical about the concept of “building your self confidence”.
“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
I want to give you one new way to think about building your self confidence.
This one unit of measure is something every great man must pay attention to on a daily basis.
It’s a reliable way to know if you’re being the “good man” Marcus Aurelius is talking about in the above quote.
It’s a measurement of the amount of time it takes for to return to your inner mountain lion after a major triggering event.
Every single one of us has a temper tantrum throwing, overreacting, competitive, argumentative, insecure and immature little fu*&er living inside of us.
The extent to which we are aware of him and able to father him is the extent to which we will feel like a little boy or a good man.
Think about all the things that can trigger the little guy in your relationship.
- Being criticized
- Being yelled at
- Getting rebuffed for affection or sex
- Getting the silent treatment
- Being threatened with divorce!
- Your favorite here.
Your homework for this week is to REDUCE THE TIME IT TAKES TO RECENTER YOURSELF after any trigger.
Lower your heart-rate.
Slow your breathing.
Take a deep breath and smile and the little shit who was trying to get you to overreact.
The more we stew in anger, resentment, bitterness and fear the more ugly, scary and undependable we are.
The longer we allow OUTSIDE CIRCUMSTANCES to rattle us off our strong, squared foundation the more pathetic and ashamed we feel inside.
Good news.
You have everything you need to do this.
You don’t need anyone else to stop triggering you.
You need to learn how to manage your own triggers!
And when a man learns how to do that, he can more calmly and EFFECTIVELY deal with the triggering behaviors and the people behind them.
In our community we talk about this stuff every single hour of every single day.
I’m talking about all the dirty personal details and embarrassing moments a guy could possibly share.
It’s incredible to watch men like you transform from angry, confused and afraid to happy, crystal clear and confident in a matter of weeks.
I get to watch this happen with my one-to-one clients, on our live group calls, in our private Facebook groups and at our retreats.
And I want more of it.
That means I want you to be a part of the incredibleness.
These are the ways you can join the fun and start getting more of want you want from yourself and from your life – sooner than later.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know being called needy is serious
- And we know a lack of clarity about how to change it is serious now and for your long term future happiness
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 6 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$497 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
If your wife can knock you off center with one look, one comment, or one cold night, it’s time to build a stronger foundation.
You don’t need her to stop triggering you before you become steady. You need to learn how to return to yourself faster when the old fear, anger, and shame show up. At Goodguys2Greatmen, you’ll work with men who tell the truth about the ugly moments and help you become the calm, clear man your marriage needs.
Talk to a coach →Q: What does it mean to build self confidence as a man?
A: Building self confidence as a man means learning to return to your best self faster after something knocks you sideways. It isn’t about pretending you’re never hurt, angry, scared, or rejected. It’s about becoming the man who can breathe, slow down, smile at the overreacting part of himself, and choose his next move.
Q: How do I stop overreacting when my wife triggers me?
A: You stop overreacting when your wife triggers you by reducing the time it takes to recenter yourself. Notice the heat in your body, lower your heart rate, slow your breathing, and don’t hand the microphone to the scared little guy inside. The trigger may be real. Your reaction still belongs to you.
Q: Why do I feel like a little boy when my wife criticizes me?
A: You feel like a little boy when your wife criticizes you because an old, immature part of you takes over before the good man can respond. That part wants to fight, defend, compete, or collapse. Your work is to father him. Don’t shame him. Don’t obey him. Lead him.
Q: What should I do after my wife rejects affection or sex?
A: After your wife rejects affection or sex, your first job is to steady yourself before you make the moment worse. Rejection can wake up fear, anger, and shame fast. A confident man doesn’t punish her, beg, sulk, or turn cold. He notices the sting and returns to his own strength.
Q: Is self confidence about never getting rattled?
A: Self confidence is not about never getting rattled. It’s about how long you stay rattled before you come back to yourself. Every man gets hit by criticism, silence, rejection, and bad news. The stronger man doesn’t stay ugly, bitter, or afraid for hours because outside circumstances shook his floor.
Q: How can I become more steady in my marriage?
A: You become more steady in your marriage by practicing your return to center every time something triggers you. Use the hard moments as reps. Breathe, relax your body, question the story in your head, and respond from the man you respect. Your wife may still be upset, but you don’t have to join the storm.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
