I used to think there was nothing scarier or more unpleasant than an angry woman.
I grew up with the belief that “If Momma Ain’t Happy, then Nobody Will be Happy”.
Later in life that turned into a belief in the “Happy Wife, Happy Life” load of B.S.
I’m smarter now. The school of hard knocks was a bitch, but a necessary phase of my growth.
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Here’s what I want you to know about angry women.
It’s perfectly acceptable for them to be moody, crabby, crampy, pouty, pissy and angry without you making it all about you.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that if you grew up like I did you will try to immediately address, confront and FIX an unhappy woman just because YOU are uncomfortable with her unhappiness.
This is the big stupid mistake we make.
There is a better way to handle it that ends with better feelings, more respect and more attraction.
And I will guarantee you that her anger will subside much more quickly.
There’s a caveat to this, of course. That’s when her anger is rightfully directed at you for a valid reason.
I explain things in more detail in this video.
So what is the big stupid mistake we men make with angry women?
I’ll tell you…. It’s believing that their anger is all about you.
A lot of the time people are angry for their own reasons but we take their anger to mean something about us. We take it personally.
Every time she’s in a bad mood or she’s crabby or she has a weird look on her face or she’s quiet, we often think she’s angry and we think she’s angry with us and it makes us say things like:
“What did I do?”
“What did I say?”
“What’s the matter?”
“What’s going on?”
“What can I do to help?”
“Where are you going?”
We’re always trying to make everything better but it just makes everything worse!
This comes from that insecurity that we all have and that I talk a lot about.
When our partner is disappointed or angry, we instantly believe that it must be something we’ve done.
It reminds me of an old Saturday Night Live sketch ‘Deep thoughts with Jack Handy‘ in which a boy was walking on the beach with his Dad and it started to rain.
The boy said “Daddy, why is it raining?”
His Dad replied “It’s raining because God is crying.”
So the boy asked “Daddy, why is God crying?”
And his Dad replied “Well son, it’s probably because of something that you’ve done.”
The reason I’m reminded of that sketch is because that mindset ‘It’s probably something that you’ve done’, is the reason why men make this mistake all the time with angry women.
You assume that she doesn’t have the right to be tired or grouchy or crampy or angry or pouty without you somehow being involved in it.
The truth is that the second you try to insert yourself into her emotions, her rollercoaster, her mood, then she resents you for making it all about you.
There is a caveat to this of course. There will be times when she’s angry at you because you have done something wrong. For example, if you said you’d be home at six o’clock, in time for dinner or to help out with something and then you don’t show up until nine o’clock. Or you committed to doing something over the weekend but changed your mind at the last minute. Or you just never follow through on something that you said you would do.
Women will get angry at us when we say we’re going to do something and then we don’t do it.
It’s called follow through. It’s called commitment. It’s called consistency.
They want to be able to count on us and when they can’t count on us or don’t believe that we’re men of our words, then they WILL get angry.
And when that happens, you look her in the eye and say “You know what, you look angry and you have a right to be. I said I was going to do something and I didn’t do it. My bad. I screwed up.”
You have to admit it when you’re wrong, but that’s not most of the time. Most of the time when we’re reacting to an angry woman we’re coming from a place of insecurity and neediness.
We want to know why she’s angry and what we can do to make it better because we’re insecure when she’s not happy… and that’s a miserable way to live.
That old saying “If mom ain’t happy, nobody’s happy” is just like “happy wife, happy life” – but it’s not your role to create happiness for her every day.
It’s not your role to get involved in her personal process or every one of her moods or angry outbursts and figure out what you did to cause it.
Be there, be strong, be consistent, be present, be available, but don’t take the blame for everything and don’t be so needy that you have to make it all about you. That’s more annoying than ANYTHING to her.
The secret to handling her anger is to stand strong, unrattled, present, available and curious.
If you know you screwed up then OWN IT immediately. No excuses. No silly defense.
When she can experience you handling her anger with calm, unrattled presence she can trust that you won’t overreact or get defensive.
When you are confident in yourself and don’t try to fix her anger to make YOU feel better you will instantly become more attractive.
That’s important to you…no?
What’s even better than being attractive to her is the feeling of confidence and approval within yourself.
How do you do this?
You learn this with the support of other great men who are on the same path as you.
These are men who want more confidence, self-respect and a mojo level that is throbbing with optimism and courage. Yeah…I said throbbing.
Most men need to seriously up the average of the men they choose to hang around.
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In this group of men you’ll also find that..
- There is lots of laughing
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If you’re a full-time member of this Roundtable, you will get:
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That’s what I want for you brother,
This is what we teach men – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Dan Dore (my associate coach in the UK) and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become a man who is calmly moving toward what he wants and no longer wondering when (if ever) he’s going to have sex again, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
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