My Wife Just Said She's Not Happy in Our Marriage - Help!

The #1 affliction most men have at the very start of marriage trouble is….

Anxiety (noun: A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.)

Does that sound about right?

Almost overnight we can go from “happy go lucky” to “holy crap my life is falling apart!”

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

And because we’re “fixers”, we immediately look for something to fix it. But the problem is we always begin the search outside of our own head. And that’s the LAST place most people want to look.

I won’t pretend to be an expert on anxiety and it’s cousin – depression. There are about 3,102 books written about it. I would agree with Mark Manson in that article link I just gave you. It’s best to be brutally honest about anxiety.

So that’s what I’m going to do here.

After coaching 100’s of men I’ve learned a very small percentage have the type of anxiety requiring medical attention. In other words, there’s not a chemical imbalance – there’s a THINKING imbalance.

And when it comes to the acute type of “marriage anxiety” I see in men who discover she’s “not happy” or “loves him but isn’t IN LOVE with him”, the problem is often he simply has pigeon-holed his THINKING.

He’s been thinking that the meaning, purpose and significance of his life is wholly contained in his role of husband, father and provider. Those are important roles. But when they become his ONLY source of well-being, confidence, validation and worthiness…he’s pretty much screwed.

Other articles you may find helpful:

Is Your Wife Never In The Mood For Sex?
How Can I Be More Confident In My Marriage?

I talk about the importance of having a mission and its relationship to male anxiety in this snowy video.

“P.S. You’re not going to die. Here’s the white-hot truth: if you go bankrupt, you’ll still be okay. If you lose the gig, the lover, the house, you’ll still be okay. If you sing off-key, get beat by the competition, have your heart shattered, get fired…it’s not going to kill you. Ask anyone who’s been through it.” ~Danielle LaPorte

One of my favorite reassurances for anxious men is, “You’re not only going to be okay…you’re already okay but you can’t see it right now.”

It’s the level of our THINKING that determines our level of “okayness” at any given moment.

Circumstances are just, well, circumstances. WE get to decided what meaning to give them and how we will respond to them.

And when we’ve been living our life in the microcosm of husband/father/provider everything looks scary. We don’t have a larger concept of our life – our purpose – our mission.

Living small makes change look terrifying. And living out of integrity with your authentic self and your core value leads to dark places.

“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.” ~Brene Brown

I can’t overstate the importance of having a mission that lights you up.

Something that allows you to express your deepest passions and zone of genius keeps you authentic. Feeling “lit up” is the experience of being totally aligned with your non-negotiable values and terms for living the life YOU want.

But don’t worry about “finding” it immediately.

What if you simply made your current MISSION a dedicated process of finding your mission?

That’s probably a really great start for most of us.

And for many of the men in my community, that’s exactly what they’re doing. I’ve noticed that for each man new doors are opening. New ideas. New opportunities.

They are calmer, happier, more confident, more connected and unapologetically honest and vulnerable.

That’s exactly what a mission can do for you.

If you’re still “looking for your mission”, I suggest getting involved with other mature, initiated men doing the same work.

I created this community as part of my mission and love to share with anyone who wants to play.

Maybe you’ll decide to join the GG2GM Live Coaching Roundtable. This is one “lit up” group of men meeting live, twice a month with Dan Dore and I.

Maybe you’ll decide to take a spot in the Mexico Mojo Mastery retreat in March or the Unapologetic, Confident Man retreat in the UK in April. These are amazing, all-inclusive experiences that will change your life.

Or maybe you’ll just fill out my contact form and ask for a deep dive consultation with one of the wise, powerful men’s coaches on my team.

My recommendation when it comes to starting your mission of finding your mission is this:

ANY decision is better than NO decision.

The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.