I want to share some quotes I heard from men this week:
“It all became clear for me today, like a switch just flipped. It’s unbelievable. I realize what I need to do now.”
“I finally see the futility in trying to control how she responds to me. My power is in how I respond to her and everything else.”
So far this week I’ve had two more men say that a switch has flipped for them in their mind, where an understanding or an insight into what has really been going on makes all of their struggles make sense.
This is the point where you finally see things differently to ever before and a calm confidence overcomes you.
This is where you finally stop freezing in difficult conversations with people and your thoughts and words flow more easily than ever before. And you find out that after all your reading, the videos you’ve watched and the podcasts you’ve listened to…there’s something missing.
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This usually happens about half way through the Masculine Confidence Intensive Program we offer for men.
Right before the switch flips, you’re still looking at your life and relationships as things that happen to you, and you’ve been looking at people who seem to have total confidence and you’ve been trying to figure out how to act more like them.
You may have been studying the red pill vs blue pill or alpha male vs beta male concepts, thinking that if you just channeled a little bit more of that stuff then your wife, your partner, your kids or your boss just might respond better to you.
But they never do.
Why is that?
It’s because they can see that you still give a crap about how they respond to you. You’re still giving them the power over whether you have a good day or a bad day.
You’ve been acting like a man of personal value and power, instead of just BEING one.
So what does that mean?
I think it’s a good idea to think about a role model such as Jesus or John Wayne or your Dad or whoever it is that you want to emulate.
It’s good to think about the values and the confidence and the energy that you admire in them, but don’t be a mimic. Don’t just parrot the stuff you read and hear.
You have to do the work to get your own self-respect and get clear on why other people could be admiring you or should be.
Nail down the standards and the boundaries that drive the way that you think and the way you speak and act.
The very next thing you’ll learn in this journey is that what other people think of you and your values and your desires DOESN’T FREAKIN MATTER!
What’s more is that you’ll learn that they don’t want it to matter.
They don’t want the burden of seeing you react to their opinion of you.
Here’s what they do want.
They want to feel your crystal clear confidence in yourself, in what you believe.
They want to feel safe and comfortable with your calm, deliberate and pleased ability to live inside your own skin.
And they want to experience your general compassion, coupled with your non-negotiable sense of purpose.
They want to see that your happiness is driven y how well you’re living in alignment with your values and not by what other people are or aren’t giving to you.
How do you get there?
How do you get that switch to flip?
It happens automatically when you do enough work with other initiated men.
Man to man coaching IS NOT THERAPY.
This is not a deep dive into your past to dissect all the excuses that we all have when we’re feeling insecure or inadequate.
This is about finally seeing the truth about two things:
How you have been showing up as a man
How you have created a space that has allowed anyone else to make you feel abused, emasculated, disrespected, ignored, unwanted or betrayed.
And I understand that we have ALL felt those things before.
But I’m guessing that the men that you admire never complain about how others make them feel. That’s because they figured out how to be a man who expects and deserves better for himself.
He has embodied a set of personal standards and boundaries that drive the way he thinks and the way he feels.
He’s created a new mindset and masculine frame that communicates to everyone what he expects…OF himself….and FOR himself.
And his calm, non-negotiable energy is unmistakable.
It’s also incredibly attractive.
That’s where you go when the switch flips.
And that’s where I want to take you in our 90 day Masculine Confidence Intensive program.
It’s designed specifically for the guy who’s ready to flip his switch, grab his balls back and live the life he’s always wanted.
If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.
You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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Photo: Susan Solinski / Flickr