How To Confront Her Emotional Affair

Are you stuck in limbo with a wife who is having an emotional affair with another man? How you respond to this situation calmly, confidently, facing it head on is key.

Her Feelings For The Other Guy…That’s Not Where Your Truth Is

It may have been an emotional friendship or a physical affair.

There are many men in this boat struggling hard. They are trying to forgive, forget, beg, plead, wait patiently or negotiate their marriage relationship.

They have never-ending conversations and emotional vomiting sessions about the “status” of her love and attraction.

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They want to know the TRUTH about her thoughts and feelings for the other guy.

They want certainty about their marriage and to feel that it’s safe to trust her again.

Watch this short video for a recent case study

YouTube video

Emotional Affair – What to Say When She is Emotionally Attached to Another Man

The only way to speak the truth is to speak lovingly. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Confronting Her Emotional Affair With Your Truth

A conversation with a client recently produced some of the most loving words of truth.

He’s another one of dozens of clients facing the all-too-familiar situation I described above.

After months of work, talking, counseling, late-night agonizing and conversations with no satisfying end…he said this to his wife.

And he said it with the calmness, confidence and mojo of Yoda:

“Whether or not the physical and emotional affair actions are over, she is still carrying the possible future with him in her heart…hanging onto that branch if you will. The other morning I called her out on it…I was calm, clear and sympathetic…I asked her if she had told him that there was no future with her and that he needed to move on.

She stumbled on her words, but eventually got out that she had told him she was with me and that I was her husband. I looked at her and asked if she had told herself that there is no future with him.

I went on to tell her what I thought and felt….that I felt she was stuck in the middle. One hand on each branch…holding onto a possible future with him while hanging onto the safety and possible future with me. I told her I understood her fear and uncertainty. The feeling of making a choice where both choices have an inherent risk. I know that feeling and have lived it…when I had to choose to stay or go when she told me about the affairs. Both options had risk, but I chose to stay…I chose her and I am fully committed.

I told her that the feelings she thinks she needs and are hoping to find will never come and she will not find with me as long as she is holding onto both branches. They will come when she commits and lets go of other possibilities. I left it at that and told her I didn’t need a response or discussion…just wanted to share my thoughts.”

Those are words of truth. They come from an inner clarity, self-reliance and self-worth. No coddling or assurance is required.

You Can’t Control Her Emotional Affair

You can’t be dependent on a response or an outcome when you speak your truth.

Your truth isn’t to be used for manipulation or control.

You just say it and walk the other way.

The only way to speak your truth is to speak lovingly.

The rest will eventually take care of itself.

There is nothing she needs to get clear on. Your calm, loving clarity will give her clarity.  When you can do this without anger or resentment towards her responses, her emotional affair will reach a crossroads. Speaking your truth with love and care feels amazing!

Your Next Step

Are you ready yet to get clear, calm, confident and speak your truth?

Do you want to feel the liberation from the fear and anxiety of uncertainty and living in limbo?

You can choose to join me and Dan Dore in the GG2GM Live Men’s Roundtable. We meet three times a month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful secret Facebook group. It’s a $69 investment. Try it for one month. Bet you can’t do just one month!

You can confront your fear of asking for help and ask for a free consultation call to dive long and deep into what you want and get some immediate ideas on how to create that.

Or you can dive deep into our incredibly popular and powerful online course, How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb. This comes with an amazing community of like-minded men to support and encourage you along your journey to liberation.

So…let me ask you two questions.

What do you WANT MOST for yourself and your life?

What is the next, smallest step you can take to creating that for yourself?

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
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