After over 340,000 views and over 1300 comments, this video of mine has apparently confused a few men.
I want to clear up a few things and answer one of the most common comments.
“How am I supposed to get a woman if I don’t CHASE them?!”
I’ll never ask you to stop your healthy pursuit of great relationships and sex with women…I’m asking you to stop the needy pursuit of their acceptance and approval.
That should be enough to make my point clear. But let me try for “crystal clear”.
I am in 100% support of healthy, happy and confident men pursuing their desire for healthy, happy, loving, connected, respectful, affectionate and passionate relationships with women.
I always have been. Always will.
The video is meant to explain the OPPOSITE of that.
The opposite of healthy, happy and confident is insecure, miserable and needy.
The opposite of pursuing healthy relationships with women is the pursuit of someone to anesthetize your childhood wounds and shore up your insecure sense of self.
And just in case this isn’t clear enough, a man who pursues romance and sex from that place may as well give up before he starts.
I’m going to give you a coaching homework assignment. Somewhere around the 6th session in my private Masculine Confidence program I assign this book.
I’m serious. I expect you to read it. It might change your life like it did mine.
Warning: It’s a heavy read. It repeats points many times so you don’t forget. It was written in 1966 and has funny language sometimes. It’s blunt and unapologetic about the path from child to adult…from boy to man.
Stay with it and don’t miss the last chapter.
The last chapter explains why self-reliance is so critical in your pursuit of healthy relationships. It explains why pursuing relationships from an insecure mindset is like poison.
One of the most critical breakthroughs a man can make is realizing this one truth.
He cannot honestly and generously give his love to someone else until he learns to honestly and generously love himself.
Self-reliance isn’t arrogant, controlling, selfish or isolating. It’s the foundation of self-respect and healthy, positive masculinity. It’s the core of healthy, passionate relationships.
Pursuing relationships with women from a place of insecurity and neediness will always turn out badly.
Maybe that should have been the title of that video!
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 60% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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