My Wife’s Stress is Causing ME Stress

One of the most common issues men struggle with in relationships is how we handle a woman when she’s in an emotional state.

I know that I failed to understand my ability to help her step out of those storms for a good 10+ years of my marriage.

It’s not a simple thing to do when you’re in the heat of the moment – especially when you’re not expecting it.

But there are some simple tools you can have in your toolkit that will help you to know exactly how to respond.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

These aren’t tools to fix what’s “wrong” with her, but how you use them can allow her to come out of her emotions, to relax and to move toward you and want to reconnect.

I talk more about this in the video below:

“Knowing that her emotions aren’t about me means I can relax and lead us forward”

When your relationship is under pressure and things seem to be getting worse, how do you find the pressure valve and release the tension so that everyone can relax?

It’s such an important skill to be able to look at things a little differently to the way they appear at first glance.

In your work environment you do this ALL THE TIME and you’re so good at it that you get rewarded highly for your abilities.

But in our personal relationships, we struggle to apply the same skills.

Other articles you may find helpful:

The Best Way to Connect With Your Wife
How Defending Yourself Kills Her Affection For You

It’s not because we’ve suddenly lost the ability to see solutions and implement them.

It’s not because we don’t care or want to help.

In fact often we care too much and it’s crippling our ability to help.

Sound confusing?

It is.

I was.

The harder I tried the more strained and distant my relationship became.

So what causes the pressure and tension?

Why can’t you seem to say or do the right thing anymore?

It all comes down to the tools you’re using, where and how you’re applying them.

When your partner is upset, our first reaction is often to ask her questions so you can take away whatever is causing her stress or pain.

BUT…and this is important, you CAN’T fix that problem.

There are no tools that I or anyone else can give you to shore up her anxiety, melt her sadness or jump start her happiness.

Those things are all created by her thinking.

And those things will only be fixed by her thinking.

What she’s focused on, what’s worrying her, how many things she’s still not done (that she should have completed last week)….

A million different stresses and pressures that are all outside your control.

You do have some amazing tools at your fingertips though. Incredibly affective tools. Tools that have an instant effect on how you experience moments of stress and anxiety in your life.

Where and how you use them makes all the difference. These tools are for you, to tune up how you deal with circumstances in your life and to enable you to raise your own enjoyment.

The first tool is your ability to stay calm.

This is like new brakes on an old pickup. When you decide to stop trying to calm someone else down and instead choose to focus on staying calm yourself, suddenly you give yourself an extra couple of seconds to respond, to be more in control of your decisions and actions.

The second tool is curiosity.

This is like finding the release valve on a red hot pressure cooker. When you’re able to see her behavior is being driven by her internal pressure, you can stop letting it define you. Some of the urgency and pressure gets released from inside you, then you can breath deeply, imagine what it must feel like for her and be interested in understanding her more.

The third tool is agency.

This is like deliberately ignoring the Satnav and choosing the route you want to take to your destination. When you have a clear sense of your own identity and value in your relationship, you can make decisions that align with your character, build your self respect and confidence. You lead by example. You can’t choose your route and expect others to pat you on the back, but you can choose your route and be committed to enjoying the journey – be committed to WHY you chose that route.

When we’re coaching men, so much of what we do is getting you clear on knowing when and how to use the tools you have.

First you have to know what your tools are (your character).

Then you have to know what your tools aren’t (your circumstance).

And finally you must know why you use a tool (your intent).

When a man finally gets this it’s like a light has been switched on for him. He starts asking why we don’t learn these things earlier in life.

We hear things like:

“I feel my old confidence coming back. We had one of the most honest, scary, yet connected conversations we’ve had in years. I finally feel like we’re being real with each other and understand how the other person has been feeling for years.”

We go deep with the men we coach every day of the year. This is the route to being a great man, and it’s an incredibly fulfilling journey that we would love to take with you.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

See Full Bio

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.