The Ultimate Power Tool To Fix Your Marriage

If you have been in a relationship that started going sour, you may have blamed the lack of loving feelings or you may have blamed the lack of good sex. Some people think the loving words and behavior die first, then following close behind is the sex. Other people think the sex dried up; therefore, the loving feelings did too.

The truth? Neither the lack of love nor the lack of sex is to blame.

It’s the lack of trust that stops first. And it’s possible you have never quite had that. Can you keep a secret? You’re not alone.

What do you mean? We trust each other!

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Sure you do. You trust each other to come home every night. You trust each other to take good care of the kids. You trust each other that you are happily married. If not, someone would say something, right?

Probably not.

We fool ourselves constantly about the depth of our trust and respect for each other. It’s much easier to declare it than actually try to lean into it. We’re not sure we can count on it.

We believe our own bull crap about the strength of our relationship to avoid confronting the scary possibility we may be wrong. We profess our love for each other and make time for periodic, mediocre sex and we conclude that everything must be hunky-dory.

But, it’s not. Is it? Why don’t you confront it? Because you don’t trust one another enough to say so. If you are waiting for a time in your relationship to trust your partner enough to tell the truth, you must realize they are probably playing the same game. The only way to break out of the deadlock that will doom your relationship is to start talking now.

The only chance you have to create a higher level of trust is to demonstrate your trustworthiness.

This is accomplished when you are willing to take the risk of trusting someone with your vulnerability first. Someone must go first. I love what Brené Brown has to say about this. She’s a rock star when it comes to vulnerability:

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.

Death Bed Courage

If I’ve learned anything after a 28 year marriage and getting a secret glimpse into ones just like yours, it’s this: We nearly never say the words that are living in the deepest, scariest, vulnerable, most loving part of our souls. These words paint the picture of our most powerfully passionate, absolutely authentic feelings and desires. And we don’t share them. We don’t trust each other enough to say them out loud.

We don’t know the outcome. We not only doubt our partner’s reaction to the words – we’re afraid of our own.

Sometimes, we don’t even believe we have the “right” to reveal the most honest part of our desires. Who are we to blurt out how we feel and what we want anyway? Who should care?

It’s so sad.

We watch the loving behaviors we used to enjoy fade away along with the facade of our obligatory sexual routine. We stand witness to a crumbling relationship while we are biting our own tongues bloody to keep from saying what most needs to be said – our truth.

For some of us, we will choose to finally speak our truth on the death bed of the relationship only to find it’s way too late. I’ve seen men and women attempt a “Vulnerability Hail Mary” one week before their divorce decree is issued. It always falls on deaf ears.

And sadly, some of us make it to our real death bed and still choose to choke down the words we have always wanted to say.

I remember waiting until my dad reached the “death rattle” breathing stage before I uttered a pathetic, “I love you, dad”. I’m told he heard me. I hope so.

What’s your truth?

The most valuable result I can achieve with my clients is to help you speak your truth. It is the secret sauce in creating, transforming, or ending an intimate, romantic relationship. Sometimes this means digging deep to voice what you most believe about yourself, your values, and the future you want to live.

Other times, this means excavating the words from your heart to help you tell your partner something so vulnerable, so secret, so dirty, and/or so loving that you may collapse after saying it. This means unleashing the courage and dignity to take a stand against destructive and unhealthy behaviors which will no longer be tolerated.

The truth has the power to create the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

The truth has the power to inspire your partner to speak theirs and open their soul to you.

It also has the power to allow you to lovingly release someone from your life who has proven they don’t belong with you anymore.

What Are You Waiting For? Death Bed Courage?

I want you to understand how I feel for you if you haven’t spoken your truth yet. I still taste the blood from my mangled tongue I bit for over 30 years.

I continue to find myself resisting the lump in my throat and the tears pushing from behind my eyes when I feel something deeply. But vulnerability no longer scares me. It’s the most powerful life skill I’ve ever known.

It’s a battle that is not won overnight, though. It’s a life-long process of taking one step at a time. The satisfaction and peace of a mind comes from knowing that you’ve gotten in the right boat and you’re headed to the island of your choice.

If you’re scared, confused, sad, and a little angry, it’s time to speak your truth today -fears and all. Don’t wait for a death bed opportunity. Don’t focus on the outcome. Outcome dependency makes us feel like a failure until we get what we want.

Choose to make it your journey. As long as you’ve pushed off from shore, you’re a success.

Failure only comes if you quit paddling.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

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author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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