Warning! Divorced Guy Gives Relationship Advice

By: Steve Horsmon

divorced guy

I sometimes get odd reactions from people – mostly it’s an awkward silence.

Friends, family, and prospective clients all see the irony in a divorced guy helping people in their relationships.  They either avoid talking about it or get the courage to ask, “Why should anybody trust you with saving their relationship?  Yours didn’t work out so well, did it?”

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My answer is always the same.

I don’t try to save relationships.  “Relationships” don’t have a mind of their own.

I help people to save themselves.  It’s the only possible way to improve any relationship.

Save Them From What?

By the time a relationship begins to hit the rocks, both partners begin to get real scared.  They are unsure how they got here.  They never wanted this to happen.  They can’t stand the negativity.  The ongoing blame game is excruciating.  The loss of connection and intimacy is horribly painful.

They never thought they were the kind of person who be in this position.

They have always been exceptional at work and had lots of adoring friends.  But in their relationship, they seem to be incapable or incompetent in changing anything.

Then they start to read.  They attend webinars and workshops.  They watch Dr. Phil.

As their relationship begins dissolving around them, many people get a BFO – a blinding flash of the obvious.

They have become a person in their relationship they NEVER WANTED TO BE.  For many varied and complex reasons, they have evolved into the type of partner even THEY wouldn’t even consider dating.

And that hurts.

They want to be saved from being the person and partner they NEVER INTENDED TO BE.

How do I know this?

You’re looking at that guy a few years ago.

What I Decided to Do and Why You Can Too

I decided to do some more work.  I read, researched, talked, joined men’s group, soul searched and cried.  Guilt sucks.

The end of my marriage was bad enough, but pile on top of that the realization that I had become a man who didn’t deserve any better, well, that was actually worse.

This is when I learned that SAVING MYSELF was the very first step to either saving, surviving, or building a new relationship.  I learned that it is futile to become outcome dependent.  I had NO CONTROL over the choices of others.

But, without digging deep enough to find out what my role was in creating the downward spiral, I knew I was destined to repeat it.  That option was NOT acceptable.

I wanted to learn more about men, women, love, romance, intimacy, passion – the whole shebang.

What I learned was that there is no end to it.  But it’s the most amazing, rewarding, fun journey I could have imagined.  It has helped me to get closer to being the man I want to be.

The journey has brought me here to share with you a secret.  YOU can do this too.

All you need to do is make a decision.  Is your current path unacceptable?  If so, change it.

The Biggest BFO of All

Remember those feelings of being either incapable or incompetent in changing anything?

Those feelings go away.  They are replaced by TRUE CONFIDENCE.

You will realize the “confidence” you thought you had was false.

Confidence gained by your achievements, your salary, your sex life, or the approval of others is a weak shell.  It’s a paper thin disguise.  It can’t hold up under examination nor under the stress of an intimate relationship.

Truly authentic confidence doesn’t come from knowing you can get people to like you and reward you.

The most powerful, calming sense of confidence comes from knowing yourself so well that you WILL learn, adapt, and persevere in the face of ANY situation.

True confidence is born out of your own realization that you have the power to define yourself and affirm your own value to the world.  Step up on your OWN terms!

Giving that power to others is a mistake so many of us make very early in our lives and throughout our relationships.  When we do that, we don’t stand a chance at saving a relationship, surviving the end of a relationship, or building a new relationship.

Whichever way your life goes, you’re going to need your power back.

Are you ready to claim it?

Click here for some easy options for you.

author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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