Have you been called needy or creepy or weird by your wife or girlfriend? Did it frustrate and confuse you?
Warning: This email might sting.
I wrote it as if I was sending it to a slightly younger version of myself. This comes from my past.
If you relate to what I’m about to tell you and it turns out you’re a little needy, I assure you that there is a brighter future ahead.
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Here are some of the most aggravating things a man can hear from a woman.
“You’re so damn needy!”
“You smother me!”
“Why can’t you get a life?”
“I need my space!”
….and my favorite country song title:
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“How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Leave?!”
Being called “needy” is one of the most embarrassing, shaming and, usually, anger producing things that can happen.
What does it mean?
I’ve explained it before in terms of being a hummingbird vs. a mountain lion with your energy. This is an anxiety based neediness. Click that link for a video about that.
In this email I want to give you THREE things that are leading indicators of neediness. These are indicators of a deeper level of neediness based in insecurity, fear and self-worth.
I explain these THREE sure-fire ways to know if you’re being needy in this video.
The three ways to know if you’re being needy are:
1. Unhealthy anger
2. Unhealthy arguing
3. Unhealthy loneliness
Wait. Doesn’t everyone get angry, argumentative and lonely sometimes?
Yes. Absolutely.
But there are healthy ways a person experiences those things and unhealthy ways.
Persistent and uncontrollable anger is usually a sign that you have unhealthy expectations of someone or something. Unhealthy expectations are those that are REALLY just “silent demands” you’re making on others to make you feel good. They are hard “rules” you’ve created in your mind for how things or people are SUPPOSED to be. And when they aren’t – you lose it. It shows up to others as neediness. You NEED them to do or be something to make you feel better about yourself and to make the anger go away.
Constant arguing and creating conflict is usually a sign you have a need to “win” or to be “right” about something. It’s also a sign that you don’t feel confident in yourself and you need to defend your feelings or your opinion. It shows up to others as neediness. You NEED to be heard and to be right in order to feel validated – that you are not crazy or stupid. You want to feel respected and you’re finding that arguing isn’t the best tool.
Feeling lonely whenever you’re alone is usually a sign that you’re not happy with your own company. Aloneness doesn’t need to result in loneliness when you’re actually aware of your own value and well-being and satisfied with who you are. Feeling lonely all the time is a sign you’re looking outside yourself for affirmation and approval that you’re good enough. It shows up to others as neediness. You NEED them to take away your loneliness by rescuing you from your own insecure internal world.
Hey, I warned you this might sting. I remember the harsh burn of facing this news very clearly.
I’ve discovered the road to healthy SELF-RELIANCE and cool, calm, peaceful self-confidence can be a little bumpy.
Sometimes emails like this punch you in the nose and you want to hit back.
I get it.
But…I want to offer you a solution.
What if you found out the road isn’t all that scary when you’re with men who have already traveled it – many times. And they can reassure and guide you every step of the way.
Will you make yourself a priority this year?
Most men don’t. They are too busy taking care of everyone else. Too busy minding the store and making the money. They are focused on the “outside game” of winning life.
But their “inside game” of confidence and clarity is suffering badly.
You can only improve your inside game with other men.
We want to meet you and show you how it’s done…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
