How to Stop the Downward Spiral In Your Marriage
Do you ever let your thoughts of your “future relationship” piss you off in the present moment?
Do you ever project negative thoughts on your lady and then get grumpy and mean just thinking about negative stuff?
Do you fear things not working out tomorrow so much that you’ve become an agitated asshole today?
That’s what this woman I met had decided SHE was doing.
Here’s the quick story.
“Joanna” told me she had an amazing epiphany one morning.
She realized she was waking up nearly every day in a foul mood. She was irritated, bitchy and whiny from the “get go”. And it was all aimed right at her husband, “Mark”.
She told me, “I realized today that this was a CHOICE! I’m allowing my frustrations to create all these images and movies of my future with Mark that make me sad and angry. So I lash out at him for the most stupid shit in the world. Not that he doesn’t deserve it sometimes…but he doesn’t deserve it everyday. And if I wasn’t waking up grumpy, he just may not do those things that piss me off.”
Joanna went on to say, “I decided that I’m responsible for MY mood and how I treat him. I wondered what would happen if I just decided to take ONE DAY AT A TIME. What if I just decided that today I would LOVE him – be loving – be kind and appreciate him?? How hard could that be just doing one day at a time?”
“So what did you do?” I asked.
“I woke up today and decided to be thankful for the day. I smiled at him and initiated a hug, looked him in the eye and said, I’ve decided I love you today. And tomorrow is looking pretty good too. “
“Hmmm….then what?” I asked again.
“He got pissed!! He wanted to know if I was threatening him. He didn’t trust me. He said he felt like I was putting him on trial!”
“Jeez.”
“I know!” she said. “But I explained more to him that I decided I was part of our problem. That I was choosing to see him in a negative light every morning and it was making me grumpy and bitchy. I told him he didn’t deserve it and I wanted to try harder. I wanted him to know that I can CHOOSE to love him and be loving on any given day. And that saying ‘tomorrow looks pretty good too’ was just my way of saying that intend to keep this up.”
“Cool. What did he say?”
“He kind of grunted and said he got it. He said ‘Thanks’ and hugged me back.”
“So, what next?”
She said, “I’ve decided there is no ‘next’. I have no control over ‘next’ or tomorrow. I must stay in TODAY and make my choices in the moment…and stop getting pissed about my thoughts of the future. I can change my thoughts about how I’m going to think today.”
“I have no control over what happens tomorrow and by worrying about it I’M SCREWING UP MY PRESENT!”
So that’s my story.
What’s it mean for you?
Here’s a video where I’ll give you my thoughts.
What if the secret to a more loving, connected relationship was to stop worrying about tomorrow?
What if you just decided that for whatever it is you want to create all you have to do is worry about today?
What if you took responsibility for every ounce of how you’re thinking and behaving? How might that change the nature of your day and those around you?
This stuff can get pretty deep – but it’s worth it.
We can WASTE so much of our time analyzing, reacting and blaming others for how we feel that we forget how much power we have all by ourselves.
The most valuable part of the coaching process is to first attain a new MINDSET. With this anything is possible.
In fact, when people ask, “What can I expect to get from a coaching program?” I tell them this:
It’s about getting:
A powerful new mindset that empowers you to give, love and connect more deeply because you’re finally doing that within yourself first. This mindset allows empathy, trust and connection to happen because you’re confident you’re okay – no matter what.
A strategy and discipline to work on yourself and change how you want to operate as a man.
A new set of skills and knowledge nobody ever teaches men when we’re younger. Skills and knowledge that make you feel confident and in control even when chaos is going on around you.
Focus and mental clarity that allows you to focus on the things that matter and let go of the negative thinking and bad habits that are derailing you now.
Energy. A plan to relax – get comfortable and pace yourself. Stop giving a f*ck about everything and reserving energy for being the way you want to live. Eliminate the people, places, habits and things that have been draining you of energy. Replace those with new sources that energize and inspire you.
This is what you can achieve when you commit to mastering your masculine confidence in our 6 month, 1-to-1 coaching program.
Maybe you’re not ready for that kind of commitment.
Maybe you would rather join our community and our regular group coaching calls or one of our retreats…
Though even that can sound scary – too much “opening up” in front of other men. I get it. I had the same fears.
Here’s what one guy recently said after finally taking the plunge to commit to this work:
“This is straight up, no-nonsense stuff that men need to hear and apply to create the fearless, passionate life and marriage they want. I’ve seen surprising results already applying your wisdom. The “wife whispering” advice you give is incredible, I still can’t believe how powerful it has been for me. Thank you Steve & Dan!”
If you’re thinking about making a major change in your life, we want to meet you and walk with you on this path…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I keep getting angry about things that haven’t even happened yet?
A: Because you’re living in a future that doesn’t exist. When your mind races ahead, your emotions follow. You start reacting to stories instead of reality. Pull yourself back to the present moment—where peace, power, and choice actually live.
Q: How can I stop overthinking my relationship?
A: Stop trying to predict outcomes and start mastering presence. You can’t control how she’ll feel tomorrow—but you can control who you’re being today. Replace “What if?” with “Right now, who do I want to be?” That shift alone changes everything.
Q: What does it mean to take things one day at a time in a relationship?
A: It means giving up the illusion of control over the future. When you focus on loving well today—listening, smiling, being kind—you stop poisoning the moment with worry. One solid day of presence is worth a month of anxious thinking.
Q: How do I take responsibility for my mood instead of blaming my partner?
A: By admitting your emotions are your own creation. Nobody “makes” you mad—you think yourself there. Once you own that, you regain control. You can choose calm instead of chaos, gratitude instead of grumpiness, love instead of fear. That’s masculine leadership.
Q: What’s the mindset shift that changes everything in marriage?
A: Move from reacting to creating. Stop analyzing her behavior and start managing your state. The man who controls his focus controls the room. You can’t always change the circumstances—but you can always decide the tone you bring to them.
Q: Why is staying in the present so hard for men?
A: Because our brains are wired to fix problems—and the future looks like one big list of them. But leadership isn’t about control; it’s about trust. When you calm your mind and focus on this moment, you stop surviving and start living.
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