If there’s one question that I hear from men all the time it’s “how to have more sex in my marriage” and I get it, who doesn’t want to know the secret to attracting her and having more fun and affection?
Let me be clear.
It’s perfectly NORMAL to desire sex with your woman.
It’s perfectly HEALTHY to engage in frequent and mutually satisfying sex.
And It’s perfectly ACCEPTABLE make advances for sex.
Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
After all, it’s your single-focused PURSUIT of what you most want in life that will yield the results you want. You MUST be motivated, focused, committed, driven and consistent to achieve what you want.
But like most things, the devil is in the details.
You must be very clear and careful about what you’re really pursuing.
If your motivation for pursuing money is for happiness…you’re screwed.
If your commitment to your job is for significance…you’re screwed.
If your focus on being nice to people is to be liked…you’re screwed.
And if your drive to have sex is for personal validation…well, you definitely won’t be getting screwed.
This problem starts for most of us around puberty.
Our constant, insatiable sexual urges cause our teeny, tiny, teenage brains to say, “IF ONLY SHE WOULD…”. Complete that sentence anyway you want.
The bottom line is that early on we adopt a BELIEF that getting a woman to have sex with us is the ONLY WAY to satisfy a much deeper anxiety.
What’s the deeper anxiety?
It’s the BELIEF that sexual conquests will somehow validate our manhood. It’s the BELIEF that a woman’s desire for us is proof of our sexual value. It’s the BELIEF that we are weak and will be seen as weak unless we get a woman to want us sexually.
Why did I capitalize BELIEF 4 times above?
Because it’s the most important part of the equation when it comes to satisfying your sexual desire.
A secure, confident and mature man learns those beliefs are not actually true and have never been true. He knows that holding on to those beliefs will ruin him.
He realizes that a self-validating man doesn’t require proof of his manhood.
He learns that his “power” has nothing to do with how others see him or desire him.
That’s when the man becomes more magnetic, attractive and sexually desirable than at any other time in his life.
In this video, I go deep into what you should really be chasing. It’s a NEW BELIEF SYSTEM that will serve you well…if you so choose.
Why is this so hard to learn?
I think there are 3 key reasons:
It’s easier to believe that simply getting sex will solve all our other insecurities. Quick fix! And if a little is good…then a LOT is better.
It’s counter-intuitive to believe that NOT PURSUING SEX is a viable path to creating satisfying sexual relationships.
We’ve never known any man of authority in our life who modeled this or could teach this to us.
And as I said above, a man must DECIDE he is ready to BELIEVE something different.
For most of us, there is a significant pain event (threat of divorce?) or a deep seated burning (anxiety?) in our gut telling us we should change our beliefs.
Only then are we actually ready to make the change into becoming a secure, confident and mature man who feels at ease and calm in his new skin.
And that’s kind of hot.
Some guys will read this article, watch a few videos, have a beer and start making changes today. They immediately see the wisdom in it and take charge of their own transformation.
I love that. Good for them!
I wasn’t that smart when I started down this path.
I needed help. From smarter men. Older men. Wiser men.
I needed a whole community of these men. Problem is…there aren’t that many out there. So 8 years ago I created my own and vowed to invite every single man who connects with my story and my message into the community.
Now we’re about 50,000 strong and the success stories are piling up.
Whether you want to improve your marriage, improve your sex life, improve your parenting or improve your career and wealth…this is your community.
You can be a looker, lurker or a leader. If you want to become a leader of your life and a leader of men here are two EASY, AFFORDABLE and massively POWERFUL ways to get jump start yourself.
Two of the most powerful groups of men you can join are the:
In these groups you are joined by world-class professional men’s coaches and scores of men who are exactly where you are right now…or a few steps ahead.
And in our personal one-on-one coaching program we take you through an intense journey to build your self worth to the point where it is unshakable. You no longer doubt yourself or your ability to handle yourself, your relationship or your future.
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The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
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What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
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