Do you ever let your thoughts of your “future relationship” piss you off in the present moment?
Do you ever project negative thoughts on your lady and then get grumpy and mean just thinking about negative stuff?
Do you fear things not working out tomorrow so much that you’ve become an agitated asshole today?
That’s what this woman I met had decided SHE was doing.
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Here’s the quick story.
“Joanna” told me she had an amazing epiphany one morning.
She realized she was waking up nearly every day in a foul mood. She was irritated, bitchy and whiny from the “get go”. And it was all aimed right at her husband, “Mark”.
She told me, “I realized today that this was a CHOICE! I’m allowing my frustrations to create all these images and movies of my future with Mark that make me sad and angry. So I lash out at him for the most stupid shit in the world. Not that he doesn’t deserve it sometimes…but he doesn’t deserve it everyday. And if I wasn’t waking up grumpy, he just may not do those things that piss me off.”
Joanna went on to say, “I decided that I’m responsible for MY mood and how I treat him. I wondered what would happen if I just decided to take ONE DAY AT A TIME. What if I just decided that today I would LOVE him – be loving – be kind and appreciate him?? How hard could that be just doing one day at a time?”
“So what did you do?” I asked.
“I woke up today and decided to be thankful for the day. I smiled at him and initiated a hug, looked him in the eye and said, ‘I’ve decided I love you today. And tomorrow is looking pretty good too. “
“Hmmm….then what?” I asked again.
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“He got pissed!! He wanted to know if I was threatening him. He didn’t trust me. He said he felt like I was putting him on trial!”
“Jeez.”
“I know!” she said. “But I explained more to him that I decided I was part of our problem. That I was choosing to see him in a negative light every morning and it was making me grumpy and bitchy. I told him he didn’t deserve it and I wanted to try harder. I wanted him to know that I can CHOOSE to love him and be loving on any given day. And that saying ‘tomorrow looks pretty good too’ was just my way of saying that intend to keep this up.”
“Cool. What did he say?”
“He kind of grunted and said he got it. He said ‘Thanks’ and hugged me back.”
“So, what next?”
She said, “I’ve decided there is no ‘next’. I have no control over ‘next’ or tomorrow. I must stay in TODAY and make my choices in the moment…and stop getting pissed about my thoughts of the future. I can change my thoughts about how I’m going to think today.
I have no control over what happens tomorrow and by worrying about it I’M SCREWING UP MY PRESENT!”
So that’s my story.
What’s it mean for you?
Here’s a video where I’ll give you my thoughts.
How much can you relate to this story? Waking up or coming home to see your wife and already being in a frame of mind that is expecting the worst from them or blaming them for how you’re feeling.
I loved the moment where she described, “What if I decided that I didn’t HAVE to react to him. What if he is REACTING to me?!”
Suddenly her perspective of what was causing issues in her relationship shifted.
Suddenly she could see that she was more in control of her experience AND his experience than she thought.
What if the secret to a more loving, connected relationship was to stop worrying about tomorrow?
What if you just decided that for whatever it is you want to create all you have to do is worry about today?
What if you took responsibility for every ounce of how you’re thinking and behaving? How might that change the nature of your day and those around you?
This stuff can get pretty deep – but it’s worth it.
We can WASTE so much of our time analyzing, reacting and blaming others for how we feel that we forget how much power we have all by ourselves.
The most valuable part of the coaching process is to first attain a new MINDSET. With this anything is possible.
In fact, when people ask, “What can I expect to get from a coaching program?” I tell them this:
It’s about getting:
A powerful new mindset that empowers you to give, love and connect more deeply because you’re finally doing that within yourself first. This mindset allows empathy, trust and connection to happen because you’re confident you’re okay – no matter what.
A strategy and discipline to work on yourself and change how you want to operate as a man.
A new set of skills and knowledge nobody ever teaches men when we’re younger. Skills and knowledge that make you feel confident and in control even when chaos is going on around you.
Focus and mental clarity that allows you to focus on the things that matter and let go of the negative thinking and bad habits that are derailing you now.
Energy. A plan to relax – get comfortable and pace yourself. Stop giving a f*ck about everything and reserving energy for being the way you want to live. Eliminate the people, places, habits and things that have been draining you of energy. Replace those with new sources that energize and inspire you.
This is what you can achieve when you make yourself a priority.
Most men don’t. They are too busy taking care of everyone else. Too busy minding the store and making the money. They are focused on the “outside game” of winning life.
But their “inside game” of confidence and clarity is suffering badly.
You can only improve your inside game with other men.
We would love to help you become more calm, more strong emotionally and more confident and happy in who you are as a man.
Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.
Find out more about our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self realization.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what I want for you brother,
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
