One of the most valuable pieces of information I can share with you about sexual attraction and sexual rejection is this.
By the time sexual frustration and conflict enter into a relationship, there has been a long road of bad feelings AND bad behavior on both sides.
Your wife or girlfriend is CRYSTAL CLEAR about the negative energy you BOTH have generated. While she is feeling bad and emotionally mistreated, she is also keenly aware of how badly she has been treating you.
In this reality, it is impossible for her to feel sexually attracted to you.
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Do you feel the same? Probably not.
In fact, most men believe that a sexual connection at this point would help to reconnect and smooth over the negativity and erase the bad feelings caused by being treated poorly.
She thinks this is INSANE.
This issue is the BIGGEST turn-off. To her it feels unattractive, un-manly, and a little desperate.
She can not imagine having sex with someone that she is not attracted to.
Given how horrible she’s been and how she’s has treated you, how could you possibly be attracted to her and want sex?
If you consistently make sexual advances toward a woman who is feeling unattractive she will also find YOU unattractive.
And if you act sexually attracted to a woman who KNOWS she has been acting unattractively and not attracted toward you, she WILL lose respect for you.
The old cliché is that women need to feel intimacy before having sex – men need to have sex to feel intimacy. Clichés are born for a reason. There is a lot of truth to this. But you’re not a slave to it.
So what do you do?
You must choose a new principle for yourself and starting operating by it today. The new principle will mean taking sex off the table unless the feelings YOU require are present.
The new mindset requires you to raise your standards and expectations for HER to earn sexual intimacy with YOU. You are the prize here, not her. Scary stuff, huh? I know. That is a critical mind-shift.
It’s time you hit the reset button and starting acting like the prize you were before things got rough.
It’s time to remember and embrace the YOU who was irresistible to her in the beginning, before bad feelings and bad behavior became a problem.
Taking sex off the table until your conditions are met is essential.
These conditions are FIRST about meeting the expectations you have for yourself in regard to how you feel and how you treat her.
These conditions are ALSO about her choosing to meet your expectations for how you want to feel and how you expect to be treated.
This is called “setting your boundaries” – first for yourself, then for her.
This isn’t easy work. I know. It’s a huge change for most of us. I can help you understand this and exactly HOW this is going to go for you.
Just call or just email. Talking it out with a brother is the best thing you can do. Use that annoying “Let’s Talk” pop-up box if you need to.
Just make the decision to DO something different. Something new.
Remember…
Only TWO THINGS change your life: either something new comes into your life, or something NEW comes out of you! (Brendon Burchard)
I know you are trying to do great things for men (Guys) but I can tell you from a women’s point of view. This Shutting her off until she comes around thing will never work if she is feeling the unattractive thing about her man. If he really wants the relationship to work out and things to get better with the relationship, he needs to whew her in ways he has never tried before. Show her he can and WANTS to keep her interest and WANTS to be the sexy, handsome, diva of a man she fell in love with. The relationship started with him and her both being very attracted to each other for one reason or another. I remember you telling men they need to give it their all and then if that doesn’t work use a more drastic measure like you have suggested here shut her off. But, …. There is a reason she is not attracted to him and he needs to figure it out. Talk with her, be vulnerable to her. !MOST! women love that approach a ton better that being shut out. Women for the most part want the man they chose in the begin to last forever, and MOST of women are willing to work things out to help make that happen. But if you allow yourself to shut her off your response will be her shutting him off even more and the relationship ending in the worst way.
Now, I am not psychiatrist or anything but sometimes common sense is a great tool, especially in relationships. The two way street is still a good compromise to keep two people that REALLY REALLY love each other and want their relationship to last forever to us before you take other measures to get your way.
Hey Cindy!
Thanks for commenting!
I see what you’re saying and I agree with you. I’d never advise shutting her off of love, respect, and communication.
Maybe the article wasn’t clear.
The only thing I’m telling guys to “shut off” is their urgency and need to have sex no matter what. Have standards of their own. Most guys will even accept sex when she is doing it out of guilt or obligation.
I think guys should change that dynamic. Show her you can love her and respect her and enjoy her without it having to result in sex.
Set higher standards for MUTUAL feelings of attraction and desire and don’t buckle to your sex drive because it sends the wrong message – that you’ll do ANYTHING for sex…even bad sex. That’s unattractive and hard to respect – especially if she knows she’s been acting just as poorly toward you.
Does that sound any different?
Thanks for making me think!
I know you are trying to do great things for men (Guys) but I can tell you from a women’s point of view. This Shutting her off until she comes around thing will never work if she is feeling the unattractive thing about her man. If he really wants the relationship to work out and things to get better with the relationship, he needs to whew her in ways he has never tried before. Show her he can and WANTS to keep her interest and WANTS to be the sexy, handsome, diva of a man she fell in love with. The relationship started with him and her both being very attracted to each other for one reason or another. I remember you telling men they need to give it their all and then if that doesn’t work use a more drastic measure like you have suggested here shut her off. But, …. There is a reason she is not attracted to him and he needs to figure it out. Talk with her, be vulnerable to her. !MOST! women love that approach a ton better that being shut out. Women for the most part want the man they chose in the begin to last forever, and MOST of women are willing to work things out to help make that happen. But if you allow yourself to shut her off your response will be her shutting him off even more and the relationship ending in the worst way.
Now, I am not psychiatrist or anything but sometimes common sense is a great tool, especially in relationships. The two way street is still a good compromise to keep two people that REALLY REALLY love each other and want their relationship to last forever to us before you take other measures to get your way.
Hey Cindy!
Thanks for commenting!
I see what you’re saying and I agree with you. I’d never advise shutting her off of love, respect, and communication.
Maybe the article wasn’t clear.
The only thing I’m telling guys to “shut off” is their urgency and need to have sex no matter what. Have standards of their own. Most guys will even accept sex when she is doing it out of guilt or obligation.
I think guys should change that dynamic. Show her you can love her and respect her and enjoy her without it having to result in sex.
Set higher standards for MUTUAL feelings of attraction and desire and don’t buckle to your sex drive because it sends the wrong message – that you’ll do ANYTHING for sex…even bad sex. That’s unattractive and hard to respect – especially if she knows she’s been acting just as poorly toward you.
Does that sound any different?
Thanks for making me think!