Two years ago I spent an intense hour talking with a frantic guy who was facing divorce. I never heard from him again…until this week.
His email was fairly short and to the point.
“I talked to you probably 2 years ago. Didn’t move forward with any counseling. Ended up with a divorce. In the divorce I gave her everything. Then there was a house fire where I moved and I lost the little I had rebuilt. Then a car crash totaled my car . Guess what? I didn’t die. It sucked. But i didn’t die.”
I love the simplicity of this realization. He didn’t die. Yep, it sucked. But he lived to see another day. And with that simple fact he seems to have adopted a new mindset. He was free to create new chapters he never even considered before. Get this.
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“Me now? I have a new home, new car, and an amazing girl. But more importantly I have a deeper confidence in myself and I control my destiny and happiness. It lives inside me. Not outside of me. I’ve stopped getting shook every time a woman has an emotional response to something. I’m solid. And this is a whole new way of experiencing life. I stopped letting what’s outside of me determine my happiness.”
At this point in his email I start smiling. Through the absolute “suckiest” time in his life he’s had the most important insight of his life.
As long as you don’t die you can still create a whole new experience of life.
What the secret key?
It’s the powerful and stark realization that your self-worth, happiness and well-being is not defined by what’s happening OUTSIDE OF YOU.
On the road to self-reliance there is a switch in a man’s brain that flips with an almost audible CLICK!
It happened for me, it happened for him and it can happen for you.
Immediately after the switch flips you realize that you’re okay at this very moment. Even better, you know you will be okay in the future.
You see yourself as the WRITER of the next chapters. You become the CREATOR of your own new circumstances.
You realize that “hoping for happiness” is no where as effective as owning your happiness.
In this 52-minute interview with Alison Donaghey, I talk a lot more about this switch in a man’s life.
“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Mr. Emerson is more flowery than I am. I like to translate for my simple mind.
You get to declare who you are. You must create the life you want. And the key to realizing your own power to do so is hidden behind the fear keeping you from making the effort.
The last line of the email was a request.
“I want to say your newsletter has made a world of difference. Any way I can tip you somewhere online for the value you’ve given me with this newsletter?”
I told him he can make a donation to the newly created (at that moment) “You’re Not Gonna Die Scholarship Fund” to benefit men who need a little help paying for GG2GM coaching programs or retreats.
So, he did! And we will offer it to the next guy who needs a little boost.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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