By: Steve Horsmon
I couldn’t help but share this with you. The story below is one I read today and it is the perfect example of what I hear from many, many guys. I’m wondering if YOU are in this boat.
Of course, millions of women can say they are having the exact same problem, but I’m talking to you – not them.
The reasons a woman will turn into “Jane” in the story below are many. As you’ll see, there is practically NOTHING her husband can do to get her to rejoin him as a wife in his marriage.
Over-bearing personality? How many of you have heard that one?
It probably has some basis in reality, but is it the REAL reason your wife simply refuses to pay attention to you and your marriage?
I read the reply from the marriage counselor who posted this story.
It was good…BUT…
He TOTALLY left out the part of the story where Jane NEVER turns around!
The part where she actually NEVER makes an effort!
What about when Jane has chosen to live the rest of her life like this and believes you will too?
I have very specific views and advice on this stage of a marriage and what you can/should be doing.
After reading the story, if YOU relate to it, let’s start a conversation in the comments about what marriage counselors will never tell you about how this REALLY needs to go.
If you are still too uncomfortable to talk about it, send me an email and I will share the rest of the story.
Here is the story from Save My Marriage Today:
Hi, About 10 months ago I began to notice that
my wife and I were living separate lives and that
we had become dis-connected. My wife *Jane* and I
are parents of two young boys. *Jane* is a great
mom but she has become so focused on the boys that
it seems like she doesn’t care if I am around or
She just turned 40 and is a stay at home mom
and seems to be having a real hard time with it.
So I started to go to counseling to work on myself
and I have to admit that after going for a short
while I learned that I had a lot of things to work
on and change. After a few visits to the counselor
*Jane* began to join me and for the next few
visits she and the counselor worked me over pretty
good, but as soon as the focus left me and turned
to her she said she would not go anymore.
*Jane* is a fairly religious person so I asked
a Christian counselor from our church to come and
help us work through these things, so he came to
the house every week for a couple of months and
the three of us would read the bible and he was
able to deal with any question or situation
directly reading from the bible, but once again
when the focused left me and moved to *Jane*.
She told both the counselor and me that she has
her own relationship with god and even though she
does appreciate what the Bible has to say it does
not apply to where she is at right now so she
didn’t want to see him anymore either. So once
again *Jane* doesn’t want to take any
responsibility for what has happened in our
relationship and she has clearly stated that the
problem lies with me and my overbearing
When I ask her when she is going to get back
into the marriage she will say nothing is ever
good enough or fast enough for you, or she will
say that she is doing the best she can. *Jane*
and I have been married for ten years now and I
don’t drink, I have never hit her or verbally
abused her in any way and I have never cheated on
What I did not do was understand that she has
had horrible relationships with most of the men
in her lives from her father to stepfather and
through the boyfriend stage. I also did not show
her my appreciation enough and I’m sure to her I
never seemed satisfied.
I have worked on changing so many aspects of my
personality and my life and I feel good about the
direction I am heading. I have also become a
much better father and I continue to see a
different counselor now just to keep working on
what I can for myself.
All three of the counselors have said that
*Jane* is stuck and scared and she must be
realizing that I am doing everything I possibly
can do to save and make this marriage better and
that she has to begin to deal with her problems
now. She tells me that she does still loves me,
but that I need to understand that this may take
along time for her to come back to me because she
wants it to be genuine and that she is waiting for
me to be consistent with my attitude and
I have to admit that I did all of the wrong
things from the beginning of all of this; like
buying her things and trying to hold her hand and
hug her way to much and write her letters telling
her how much I love her and promise to continue
working on myself, but none of this did any good.
I guess my question to you is what to do
next. The hardest part to all of this is that it
is beginning to affect the kids and she doesn’t
want to talk about any of what we are going
through. I love her and I am not going to give up
so what I would like to do is come up with a way
of calming her obvious anger and working on
gaining her trust and friendship.
The counselor I am seeing has been helpful for
working on me, but I really don’t have anyone to
talk to or to give me advice on dealing with