I recently took a trip back east to my old stomping grounds to spend time with two very good, old friends. We stayed on my buddy’s huge boat near Ocean City, MD. It was to be a “boys weekend” just to relax and chill.
We spent the first night staying up drinking, playing guitar, telling stories and laughing until the sun came up (thanks 5-hour Energy). The next days were more of the same.
I relaxed and I chilled out. Mission accomplished.
While it fed my need to relax, chill out and have some fun…it didn’t feed my soul.
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Why?
Because feeding our souls requires a little more discomfort.
It requires we push ourselves out into the deeper end of the pool. This where men feel the challenge to become stronger, clearer and more intentional with the act of living. This is where we feel more ALIVE and more CONNECTED to our personal power.
Above is a picture of some men who feed my soul.
These guys spent a weekend with me at a June retreat here in Colorado.
We DID relax, chill out and laugh a lot.
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But, we also had an underlying expectation that we were here to open up, encourage, share and support each other. We each took charge of being interested in each other AND in making it the safest place on earth to be vulnerable.
It’s not always comfortable. Meaningful exercise requires intentional effort. Growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone.
It’s living in the shallow end of the pool – that comfort zone – that ends up killing off men much sooner than their female counterparts.
I talk more about why this is true in this video.
I wanted to give you one of the most important tips that I know to make sure that you don’t die before your wife.
We know about all those statistics that say that women outlive men. We know that male suicide rates are much higher than women’s. We go to war. We do stupid shit, we drive fast, we take chances. So there’s all kinds of reasons why we might end up dead before women do.
But the one thing that I want to talk about is how we men take care of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.
Some people might say that the way to ensure that you outlive your wife or at least live as long as she does is to be more like women.
They say that women live longer because they have less stress, better relationships, they’re more collaborative, better at communicating and they have a sense of community. They say that men are more isolated and that’s why we get so withdrawn and depressed and why we have all these diseases.
That might be true. But the solution brother is not to be more like a woman; it’s not to try to solve the problem like women have solved the problem.
If you want more emotional health, more physical health, more mental health and more spiritual health…it’s going to come from other men.
This is the big secret.
This is why you see little old men in nursing homes in a wheelchair in the corner that are slowly withering away while the women there are all vibrant. The women have a sense of community. They’ve found their tribe.
The problem with men is that we have not been taught over the past 50-60 years, how to have a tribe or why a tribe of men is important. In fact we’ve even been shamed about talking too much, being too open, being too honest and being too vulnerable. So when we do get around other men, we tend to play in the shallow end of the pool. We drink beer and ride motorcycles and talk about girls right!
I love that stuff too. But I’m here to tell you that when you want to improve your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health, it’s done with other men who are on a path to do that with you.
To know what it means for a man to improve his mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health, is to be with men who have a common language for that. So I’m pleading and begging with you to understand that you don’t have to be more like a chick in order to live as long as they do. You have to be more of a man.
That’s not meant to shame you in any way.
Being more of a man in this case means, gathering the courage and the wisdom and the fortitude to find at least one man in your life who’s willing to dive deep with you, to connect with you, to express and open up, to explore masculinity, to explore your fears, to explore your vulnerabilities, but also to challenge you, to push you, to get you uncomfortable, to get you thinking, speaking and doing things that you wouldn’t normally do, things that liven you up, that make you feel alive, that make you feel energized with a sense of mission and a sense of purpose.
This is what makes a man live longer because he has a reason to look forward to the next morning and the morning after that and the morning after that…
I’ve found this in my life. This article and video is one of the things that I look forward to.
I couldn’t wait to give you this one little tidbit of advice. It’s one thing that I’ve found in my mission and I’m finding men all around the world who are starting to open up with me.
I don’t know how long I’m going to live, but I’m going to die happy getting there.
So what do you do now?
I put together a list of Seven Ways to Know You’ve Found a Good Men’s Group
Most men need to seriously up the average of the men they choose to hang around. I spent way too many years without quality men in my life and played too long in the shallow end of the pool. I was drowning there.
Your top mission is to find at least ONE good man who can join you in your new Two Man Men’s Group. You can also search the web for men’s groups in your area. Check Meetup.com or local churches too.
How do you know if you’ve found a good men’s group?
- There is lots of laughing
- There is unbridled encouragement and support
- The energy is always positive
- You feel like you are really heard and seen
- There’s no whiny complaining, blaming and shaming going on
- There’s a mutual desire to connect, share and learn from each other
- You feel energized – not drained – whenever you’re together
Bonus: You feel happier, peaceful and more powerful than before you were with them.
Dan Dore (my associate coach in the UK) and I are here to guide you on this mission. If you want to include us in your new circle of men, we’d be honored.
Our retreats for 2018 are done after next weekend. Do you want to secure a spot in one of our 2019 retreats? We don’t even have them scheduled yet, but they will fill up. If you know you’re ready to come to a retreat next year, get in touch. You will get FIRST DIBS when we announce the schedule.
If you want to extend your life expectancy now, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
The Goodguys2Greatmen Live Coaching Roundtable is a whole new way for you to get involved and the support you want fast.
For the rest of 2018 we’ve scheduled four FREE 90-minute open sessions.
We want to increase our capacity to serve men so we’re trying something new.
It’s a simple, straightforward conversational setting for many men to share their challenges, ask questions and leverage the experience and wisdom of everyone in the room.
Dan and I would love to meet you at the first one on November 8th at 11:00am MST – US.
If you’re interested, click HERE now to get a more information and learn how to join this new part of our community.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
