Hey brother,
When I say, “lighten up”, I’m talking about TWO key ways you can “lighten up” and create more trust, safety and intimacy in your relationship.
The first way is to lighten your mood and your energy in your relationship.
It’s no secret that if your mood is consistently serious, dark, angry, pessimistic, agitated, disappointed or critical NOBODY (not even the dog) will have any interest in being around you.
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A light mood and energy is inherently trustable.
It generates feelings of emotional safety. You become incredibly approachable. Your mood comes from a personal sense of confidence and well-being. And, it’s easy to hug someone whose mood is light and energy is playful.
In it’s simplest form, a “light mood” is an approving smile, an amused perspective, a kind word or gentle response.
Now, if you decide that your mood is “naturally dark and disapproving”, that’s okay. But with that decision comes the required acceptance that the rest of the world – including your wife – will naturally resist any kind of closeness to you. We get what we give. It’s that simple.
Many men find their mood and energy will lighten quickly when they begin taking better care of themselves. This includes exercise, exploring nature, learning a new skill, spending time with quality friends, laughing and connecting with a bigger mission or purpose.
Think about it. Where can you take one small step toward lightening your mood and your energy? How would that feel for you? And who would also benefit by your lighter mood? How might it build more trust, safety and closeness in your relationship?
Let’s talk about the second way to lighten up.
Many guys do pretty well with maintaining a light mood and positive energy. Especially with non-family members, we can be quite charming, approachable and endearing. (this was me) We’re aware of how we speak and how we respond. We know how to make people feel safe…and like us.
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But, we tend to lose this ability in the context of our romantic, intimate relationship.
The second way to lighten up is to learn how to lighten your manner and your approach in your relationship.
This has to do with how you respond to her questions and bids for attention and connection.
It has to do with how you ask her for attention and connection.
And it has everything to do with lightness of your thinking and your regard for who she is and how she is.
I’m going to ask my old horse, Chief, to help me explain this. So, let’s go to the barn for this video.
Less is more
Trust, safety and intimacy are not created from urgency, disappointment, guilt trips or expectations. (ask me how I know this)
Trust, safety and intimacy are created with a “light hand“.
Emotional and sexual tension are wonderful. But emotional and sexual pressure are relationship killers.
Building trust, safety and intimacy requires a man to build trust, confidence and security in himself. A man can create only as much trust and love in his relationship as he has achieved within himself.
Horses are a great way to build confidence because they teach us how to make the VERY SMALLEST ASK of them without pressuring them.
The more confidence they feel from us, the more TRUST they will give.
The more calmness they feel from us, the more SAFETY they will feel.
And the more lightness they feel in our energy, the more CONNECTION they will desire.
Are you ready to learn this stuff?
Are you ready to ask for a little help?
Are you ready to meet the kind of men who have been missing in your life?
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
