My Wife Just Told Me It’s Over, What Can I Do?

One day my life changed in an instant.

It was a shocking realization that everything I thought was true about my myself, my wife and my marriage was wrong.

It was the paralyzing reality that I had absolutely no control in stopping the avalanche of fear, rejection and uncertainty that was about to wipe me off the face of the planet.

Do you know this feeling?

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It sounds like:

  • I’m done. I’m just numb.
  • We’ve never had a connection.
  • I just need space and I don’t know if I’ll ever want to be with you again.
  • I’m just not romantically attracted to you anymore.
  • I think we need to separate/divorce and see where this goes.

It feels like a black pillowcase is thrust over your head as you’re thrown into a windowless van. Then you’re taken for a bumpy ride to an unknown destination as your captors beat you around the head and shoulders. You have no idea when or IF it will ever end.

And the burning knot in your stomach is relentless.

The weird thing about men is that we usually wait for this type of emotional “attack” before we start asking for support.

And when this kind of pain kicks in we are desperate for any help, advice or secret trick that will fix everything. This will be your turning point if you make the right decision.

In this video I want to share the secret to surviving this shock and how you can even THRIVE…

YouTube video

This video is for a certain type of man. A man who is probably a lot like me.

A man who has suffered some major trauma in your life and relationships. It could be divorce, it could be separation, it could be infidelity, it could be anything that rocks your world and makes you think that your life as you know it is over.

This is a problem for a lot of men because we grow up believing that the source of our happiness, security and certainty, come from a relationship, from a woman, from a marriage.

As the years tick on by, we get more and more relaxed into the comfortable feeling that our certainty, our happiness and that our personal source of validation and value is coming from the relationship…but marriage was never meant to make a man secure, it was never meant to make a man happy.

Relationships and marriage and romantic love are a place where we’re supposed to learn more about ourselves – a place to learn how to love.

So when I talk about a guy who feels like he’s been abducted from life and all of a sudden he’s finding out that his marriage is crumbling or that his wife doesn’t love him anymore or that she’s seeing other people or she wants a divorce – any of those things can send us reeling into a feeling that we’re lost, that we’re stuck, that we don’t know who we are.

And this is a major problem.

Marianne Williamson said in her book ‘Return to love’, that “we’re all born happy, we’re all born with love”.

The thing that changes that, is that the day after we’re born, fear starts teaching us otherwise.

So every day throughout our lives, we’ve been slowly taught that there are things to fear. That other people somehow have control of your happiness. That the judgment, approval and affirmation of another person such as your mom, your teacher or your wife is somehow the source of your wellbeing and that, that’s where you get happiness from.

What I want to help you understand, is that you’ll never be more happy, you’ll never feel more powerful, you’ll never feel more generous in your ability to connect with and love other people, than when you find joy inside yourself.

This is called self-reliance.

This is called independence.

This is called outcome independence.

This is knowing that you can live each day not needing to control everything.

Only controlling the things inside yourself.

Controlling your responses to the things that happen to you.

So when I get on my crusade for self-reliance, it’s not about detaching, it’s not becoming a lone wolf and becoming so independent from the world that you don’t need anybody, it’s not the ‘screw them’ attitude. That’s not it at all.

Self-reliance and outcome independence is the mindset of a man who’s figuring out that he already has all the joy and happiness within him that he’ll ever need to love himself. He knows that he can control how he responds to create the circumstances in his life that he wants to experience.

So when you’re in the trauma of a relationship that’s going south or with a woman who’s pulling away from you or a pending divorce or separation, what I want you to know most is that you can thrive through this by controlling how you respond.

If you use this as the one trigger point in your life that says “You know what…I’ve had this wrong for the last few decades. I’ve been allowing people to strip me of my confidence, my own sense of self, my own values, my sense of worthiness…and I’m going to take my power back”.

The result of this decision is that when you take your power back, when you become truly self-reliant and truly outcome independent, that’s when you can finally relate to others from a place of generosity, from a place of abundance. You’re not looking to other people to make you whole. You don’t have conditional friendships and conditional love and conditional sex.

When you’re whole inside, you give wholly of yourself and you don’t have fear of anyone stripping away your security and your certainty, because you’re full of it – you’re overfilling your own bucket of love and certainty and you can give it to others.

Even in the middle of a divorce or in the middle of the trauma of finding out that your life may be changing forever…I want you to know that this is the trigger point, this is the turning point in your life to where you can actually decide to do something different. To start thinking differently.

This is what I do. This is what I want to do for you.

I want to introduce you to a way of thinking. I want to introduce you to some men who’ve gotten through this. I want to introduce you to some authors and thinkers that will blow your mind. I want to show you how you can use this as the launching pad for a whole new life.

You are a man with many options.

You can regain more power, more confidence and more mojo than you know.

But no amount of begging or bargaining with her is going to get you that.

It takes a radically different approach and an empowering fresh perspective to emerge from this period in your life with your head held high and a grin on your face.

I needed a powerful, initiated group of men to teach me this. And just so I never forget the lessons, I’ve created a whole community of men who have successfully fought this battle. We’re brothers for life, a little scarred up…but grinning wide through our bloody lips.

It might seem like impossibility. But it’s not – especially if you’ve got someone in your corner to help you every step of the way.

I want you to feel like a strong, calm, confident and clear-headed man.

I want you to relax in situations that make normal men crazy.

I want you to grin with the knowledge you’re being who you want to be and you’re creating the life and love you want.

Why? Because I spent decades not feeling that way and I now know there’s a way to get to the other side.

If you’re ready for someone to talk to – someone who has walked in your shoes and found the way through the mess… then go HERE to apply for a consultation call. I guarantee you’ll feel better by the end of our talk.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

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Photo: arkusm / Flickr

author avatar
Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

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  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
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Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
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  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

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We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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