Hey brother,
About 3 years ago I was sitting in a private room in a brew pub with my local men’s group having our regular “Men, Marriage and Sex” meeting.
As the meeting started we were laughing about something stupid someone said and just then the waitress came in to take beer orders.
She (jokingly?) said, “What is this? A he-man woman haters club?”
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We laughed and didn’t even try to give an explanation…and she didn’t seem interested in hearing one either. It seemed she had already made up her mind.
You may not be old enough to remember The Little Rascals. They created the first He-Man Woman Hater’s Club.
In this scene, Spanky announces the formation of his He-Man Woman Haters Club after being snubbed by a girl who didn’t invite him to her party. Funny!
After the waitress left the room, I asked the men, “If you had the chance to answer her question, what would be your shortest, clearest answer you could give her?”
This is what I heard from these men.
“Actually, we’re here to learn how to be better men so we can better love the women in our lives.”
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and…
“We come here to figure out who WE are so we can be emotionally secure, more confident and less fearful and reactive around women.”
and…
“I’m here to figure out how to think and how to respond to a woman who doesn’t trust me and instantly assumes I’m in a woman haters club!”
They’re right.
This ain’t no woman haters club.
Once I invited a friend I’ll call “Margo” to come to a meeting to share her thoughts about women and how they experience men in relationship. She shared some of the most honest, touching and vulnerable feelings she’s had in relationships with men.
The men intently asked her questions and the conversation was free-flowing, trusting and emotionally deep.
One of the younger guys got a little weepy. Margo said, “What’s wrong?”
“Joe” said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I find you intoxicating. This conversation is something I dream about with my girlfriend and I’m afraid I’ll never meet any woman in my generation willing to go there with me.”
We all took a collective, “Gulp”. We knew what Joe meant.
I explain more in this video.
Here’s the bottom line.
We all pretty much want the same stuff.
We want to feel free and safe to connect at a deeper level. We want to feel heard and understood. We want to FEEL the connection of emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy with a woman.
We want affection, physical intimacy and passion.
We want to be able to trust and to be trusted.
We want to appreciate and feel appreciated without being accused of being a “he-man woman hater.”.
So why is this so hard for the men I work with ?
It is the intense, unbridled attraction and love we have toward women that tends to unravel our sense of security, confidence and self-respect.
That’s what needs fixing.
When we show up with an immature sex drive, uncontrolled fear and insecure neediness…all hell breaks loose.
We doubt our own value and the thing we fear most is REJECTION.
And the moment we allow that fear into our bloodstream we give off the vibe of a “he-man woman hater”.
And it’s impossible to ever get what you want from that place.
This is what the meetings are all about.
It’s what our articles, videos, retreats, book and coaching programs are all about.
It’s about FOCUSING AND WORKING on getting you out of that place and into the place you want to be. And that’s in the skin of a calm, confident man who knows his own value and understands how to share that value from a fearless place of love and self-respect.
When you’re in THAT skin…everything is easier. It’s the most liberating skin you’ll ever know.
How do you get that skin?
I’d like you to consider joining us either online or in person at one of our retreats.
Here is what a man who recently joined our community posted in our private Facebook page…
“Men, here is what I’ve gained so far:
– Taking things less personally (well, mostly)
– Feeling more confident
– Feeling more directed
– Enjoying having a tribe of brothers I can confide in and support
– Knowing that I will always be ok
– Knowing that I can always fall back on self reliance and trust in my inner strength
– Much less worried about what others think of me
– No longer feeling the urge to defend myself
– Giving less fucks about things that don’t matter
– Knowing I can change any part of me for the better at any time
– Looking after myself better
– Greater self awareness
– A calmer mind
– A more loving heart.”
Not bad for only 3 weeks of work!
“Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so.”
~ Charles de Gaulle
If you’re thinking about making a major change in your life, we want to meet you and support you on this journey of transformation and growth…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
